Warmth in the Winter
by lockedandsafe
Summary: Dean gets kidnapped and Sam needs to save him. But will Dean even want to see Sam again? I mean, if a shifter took the form of your brother and did horrible things to you would you ever be able to look him in the eyes again? Slash!Wincest in later chaps!
1. Chapter 1

Warmth in the Winter

Chapter one:

I don't own this story, the characters, setting, or anything.

{The Quotes will never have anything to actually do with the story, they are just there}

Quote: We can't all be superheroes; someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they walk by.

READ THIS! IF YOU DON'T YOU WILL NOT GET THE REST OF THE STORY!

I AM ONLY GOING TO POST THE CHORUS OR MAIN PARTS OF SONGS WHILE POSTING LYRICS, I WILL PUT THE NAME OF THE SONG AND AUTHOR AT THE END OF THE CHAPTER! FLASH BACKS WILL BE IN THESE STORIES, I WILL MAKE IT OBVIOUSE TO MAKE FLASHBACKS AND PRESENT DAY APART THOUGH.

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Dean and Sam both quickly got into the Impala and Dean sighed in exhaustion but let his head loll to the right and he smiled lazily at Sam.

Sam laughed and Dean started the car and began driving in peaceful silence.

"Hey, can I play around with the radio?" Sam asked hesitantly.

"Sure, but don't mess up my presets or I'll shoot you." Dean warned.

They both knew it was an empty threat, the worst that would happen is Dean would get him back by doing something much, much worse.

Sam smiled a big toothy grin before turning to the radio and slowly tuning through the stations.

He jerked to a stop suddenly and slowly began turning it back.

Both boys' eyes widened slightly in shock at the song that was playing but Dean quickly shut the radio off and sat stiffly behind the wheel as they drove.

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~ FLASHBACK ~

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"Come on Sammy, it's not that hard, sit down and we'll do it together." Dean soothed standing up and reaching his hand out for his frustrated brother's.

Sam had angry tears in his eyes and he turned around letting them slide down his cheeks.

"I can't do it! I'm stupid! I'm never going to be able to do anything!" Sam yelled wiping at his face quickly.

Dean quickly walked to his brother and hugged him to his chest making shushing noises.

"Relax, I know it's hard, just take deep breaths. You're not stupid; you can do it, just sit down with me and let me help." He placated, guiding his brother back to the small wood table and sitting him down in a chair.

"Smart kids don't need help from their brothers though." Sam said, lower lip trembling and more tears trailing down his face.

"Shh, lots of people need help. And you're only fourteen, of course you need help. Just let me help you." He said quietly, dragging a chair right on the side of Sam's and sitting in it so their shoulders and knees were pressed tightly against each others.

Sam leaned into his brother and laid his head on his shoulder; breathing in his strong scent and relaxing instantly.

Dean wrapped his arms around Sam and watched as his younger brothers eye lids drooped and he began falling limp against him.

"Let's do this one problem then take a nap huh?" he asked quietly.

Sam nodded tiredly; his small tantrum having tired him out.

He had been trying to do some homework while there dad was on a hunt, and of course Dean had to stay behind to watch Sam; but even if he had a choice he would have chosen to stay. But Sam was having a hard time on some of the math, and him being a Winchester meant he would rather gouge his eyes out than ask for help unless it was offered first.

Dean slowly released Sam and showed him step by step how to solve the advanced Algebra Two equation. He was so proud his brother was in this class as a freshman in high school; he would never admit to him that he had done this exact course in eighth grade and blew through it easily; but he was still so proud of his brother.

As soon as Sam had completed the problem Dean helped him stand and walk to the bed before collapsing onto the bed into tears.

Dean pulled his brother shoes off then grabbed the bottoms of his pants and pulled them down.

Sam looked up, bottom lip jutting out and he wiped his nose with the back of his hand.

"Come here Sammy." Dean whispered climbing onto the bed and pulling Sam into his arms.

Sam snuggled into Deans side as he kicked his own shoes off then he pulled the covers over them both.

Sam tucked his head into the crook of Deans neck and let his eyes close and his breathing even out.

Once Dean felt Sam's breathing slow down and his body relax he softly began singing; thinking his brother was asleep.

"_There there baby it's just text book stuff; it's in the ABC of growing up. Now, now darling oh don't lose your head cause none of us were angels and you know I love you yeah,_

_There there baby it's just text book stuff; it's in the ABC of growing up. Now, now darling oh don't kill yourself cause none of us were angels and you know I love you yeah."_

Sam looked up slowly once the song was over and Dean's head snapped down in shock.

"Dean, that-"

"Shh Sammy, get some sleep, Shhh." He hushed holding Sam tighter and squeezing his eyes shut so the tears wouldn't escape.

Sam rested his head against Dean's chest this time and listened as Dean began humming the song; the vibrations, soft music, and his heart beat lulling Sam to sleep in seconds.

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~ END FLASHBACK~

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Sam cautiously turned the radio back on but lowered it and put it so it was only playing through the passenger sides speakers.

Dean's hands grasped the wheel tighter until his knuckles turned white and he held his breath as Sam listened closely to the song he had sung to him years and years ago.

He honestly couldn't believe Sam could still remember that.

As soon as the song was done and the song title was announced Sam scribbled it down on his arm in pen before rolling his sleeve back down and turning the radio off.

After five minutes of a strange but not quite tense silence Sam broke it.

"Dean, are you okay?"

Dean's hand gripped the wheel tightly again and he nodded his head slowly before shaking himself visibly and Sam sighed as he watched the mask slip over his brothers features and his smirk roll back into place.

"I was such a pussy when we were younger, god how did I keep us alive?" he asked laughing.

Sam sighed again and a frown marred his features.

"Dean, come on-"

"What? Do you want me to pull over, tell you how much I love you, then pull you into my arms and cry? That is way to chick fl-"

"Yeah Dean I do! That would be a lot better than smirking and laughing about how you kept us alive! And I don't get why you're acting like this! There isn't anything wrong!" Sam snapped frustrated.

Dean shifted in his seat, his smirk falling off of his face and he sighed.

"Sam, I had thought you were asleep, I wouldn't have sung to you if I had known you were awake; honest." Dean whispered looking straight at the road.

"You think I thought of you any less because you sang to me? You always sang to me!" Sam said confused.

"Sam, I never sang to you…" Dean said acting confused.

"You sang to me every night, and every time I was taking a nap. Hell every time I was hurt, crying, frustrated, or anything!"

Dean looked at Sam, his mouth falling open before he quickly turned back to the road.

"You were supposed to be asleep." He said as if defending himself but still weakly.

"Dean, you sang to me while I was awake to; why are you lying to yourself now?" he asked incredulously.

Dean sighed. He knew he couldn't lie to Sam, hell he even knew he used to sing to him; but, he just couldn't say it out loud.

"I, I shouldn't…"

"What? You shouldn't have sung to me? Why?" Sam demanded getting mad now.

Dean slammed on the breaks and Sam was shocked to see they were now parked in front of their motel room.

Dean grabbed his bag and jerkily made his way out of the car and into the motel room.

"Oh no you don't! You don't get to just walk away from a conversation!" Sam yelled slamming his door and running after his brother with his own bag.

Dean sank down onto his bed as Sam closed the door and dropped his own bag next to Deans on the floor.

"Well? You shouldn't have sang to me? Why?" He demanded.

"That wasn't what I was going to say!" Dean finally snapped standing up.

"Then what were you going to say? You shouldn't what?"

"I shouldn't have had to!" Dean finally yelled.

Sam leaned back on his feet, all his gusto to fight leaving him quickly.

Dean sank back onto the bed, his head in his hands.

"What?" Sam asked softly, slowly walking over towards his brother then sitting on the side of him, his arm and knee pressed to his.

"I shouldn't have been the one to sing to you, I shouldn't have been the one to tuck you in every night, or be there for you when you were hurt, or sing along to the radio with you while I cooked and cleaned, I shouldn't have been the one."

Dean sounded almost like he was crying; but that couldn't be, because Dean didn't cry, he doesn't, he can't!

Sam slowly wrapped his arm around his brother's shoulders and leaned into him.

"For what it's worth, I'm glad it was you, could you imagine Dad singing while cleaning?" he asked softly, but smiling.

It worked, he saw Deans face; and there were tears slowly rolling down his face. Dean cracked half a smile at that but didn't say anything.

"Do you wish you hadn't had to do all of that for me?" Sam asked after a minute.

Dean pulled back quickly, his face shocked.

"NO! No! I never once thought about that!" Dean said quickly.

"Are you sure, because I know it must have been hard to go from a kid to a mom and dad in less than a year, and at the age of five; I mean, you were my mom and dad and brother while growing up. I know it must have been hard for you; and you must have hated me at times for taking everything away from you-"

"Sam; never once did I wish that you weren't there or that I didn't have to take care of you. But it should have been different, you should have had a mom and a dad; instead you were stuck with me." He aid solemnly.

"Dean, I'm glad I was stuck with you, I wouldn't have wanted it any other way." He said honestly.

Dean searched his brother's eyes almost desperately; looking to know he wasn't a total disappointment to someone.

After a second he seemed to find whatever he was looking for because he grabbed his brother and held him to his chest and hugged him as hard as he could.

Sam wrapped his arms around his brother's waist since his brothers arms were around his back and one went into his hair and he hugged him tightly.

After a while Sam slowly started drifting to sleep in Dean's arms so he laid them both down and turned the lamp off.

He didn't know if Sam was asleep or not yet, but he started humming the very same song he had years ago softly.

Sam's head was rested on his brothers arm, almost his shoulder; and listening to the familiar and yet unfamiliar song lulled him to sleep just as easily as it had all of those years ago.

When Sam woke up he was alone in the bed. He sat up, rubbing his eyes and looked around. It was dark but the shades were pulled down so he didn't know how long he had slept.

The shower was running and he could faintly hear Dean singing AC/DC.

He smiled slightly and stood up; walking towards the small kitchen area and opening the fridge.

He grabbed a soda before sitting down in a wooden chair at the table and pulling his laptop. They had just finished a hunt, vampires; but he wanted to get on the road. He didn't know what Dean was going to be like when he got out of the bathroom to face Sam but he wanted to have a place set up in case he was going to act like his usual self.

He scanned through some stories ranging from murders to strange deaths until he found one that looked like a ghost and he quickly jotted down the town and important information before closing laptop.

He held his breath as the water shut off and the door opened; a gust of fog blew out and he watched as Dean walked with his usual swagger over to his bed and grabbed a set of clothes.

"You gonna watch me get dressed or tell me where to next?" Dean asked smirking.

Sam rolled his eyes and smirked but turned towards the paper and began reading the things he had written down.

By the time he looked back over Dean was dressed and pulling his shoes on.

"I'm just gonna take a shower then we can go-"

"Hurry up, I'm hungry." Dean yelled as Sam got to the bathroom door.

"Sure, give me a minute." He said rolling his eyes.

Sam got into the shower a minute later and slammed his teeth together at the frigid water. He turned it all the way up and waited another minute but it was still ice cold. Damn, Dean had used ALL the hot water, again!

"Dean!" he yelled; teeth chattering.

He could hear Dean's loud burst of laughter over the water and he silently cursed Dean before taking the quickest shower he could.

As soon as his last shoe was on Dean was grabbing him and pushing him out the door in a rush to get out of this place.

He didn't like it here, and he hoped, if Sam knew what was good for him, then he would never bring up this place again; or what happened there.

But he knew he wouldn't; because it was like a silent agreement; what goes on in one town, stays in that town. Period.

The drive was long and full of blasting Metallica and AC/DC but Sam didn't say anything because he knew Dean was trying to leave behind the memories of his childhood and get his head in the game.

When they parked at their destination Sam knew it would be a quick hunt, over in less than a day or two if they hurried; and he really wanted to hurry. He needed to take Dean somewhere; and now.

Just as Sam had predicted, they had found out who it was haunting the place, salted and burned the bones, only a small fight had gone down, he had only been thrown into a single tree before Dean had fried the guy and they were already on the road with a false case that Sam had made up just to get his brother to go where he wanted him to.

"You know what I can't understand?" Dean asked after a minute of driving.

"What?" Sam yelled over Smoke On the Water.

Dean rolled his eyes but lowered the music anyway; before shutting it off completely.

"I can't understand why we're on the road already; I mean, we haven't taken a break in weeks, maybe over months. Why all of a sudden this sudden urge to keep going east?" he asked, giving Sam the stink eye.

Sam 's eyes widened but he quickly schooled his features.

"What do you mean?" he asked innocently.

"I mean a month ago we were in California working a job when all of a sudden you really stepped up your game; it's been hunt after hunt; all to the east, we're in Pennsylvania, going to New York. What's up?" he demanded.

Sam swallowed but played the innocent and confused card.

"I didn't even realize we were only going east, it's just how I found the hunts."

"Huh, that's funny, because while you were in the shower, at the motel, I searched our hunt, and um, this guy, Bill Mc Murphy, didn't die in New York a week ago, actually he is still alive and is a living a very apple pie life; very normal and supernatural free. So, tell me one more time why we had to get across the country in a month all of a sudden?" he asked, slowly turning to look at Sam with something hidden in his eyes that Sam just couldn't make out.

He swallowed before lying through his ass "Really? Then I must have gotten a fake article or something."

"That's what I thought at first, I mean, why on earth would my brother lie about a hunt? I mean, we could be going and saving real people; but instead, he is bringing me across the country, and faking hunts. That just wasn't possible. So, I checked your history; and chunks were missing from all the way back a month, just about the time you stepped up your game; and just about the time we started going East. The last thing in your history that had anything to do with a real hunt was the one we were just on. Some of our other ones weren't ever there; were those fake to?" he asked gritting his teeth.

"Why were you going through my history? Can't you trust me?" Sam asked playing the hurt brother card now; damn, he was running out of cards to play.

"No, I did trust you, I was just searching for that fake article when I noticed all those silly side details, funny isn't it?"

Sam knew he was screwed then and there; and he made a decision then and there to.

"Alright, you want the gods honest truth, hands down?" Sam asked

"Yeah I do!" Dean snapped.

"Fine, but don't freak out, okay?" He asked feigning nervous

"Just spit it out!" Dean snapped again, losing his control.

He could take liars; hell he was the best one he knew. But Sam lying to him, and lying about hunts, that he couldn't take.

He focused on the road so he wouldn't get them into a crash and grit his teeth hard waiting for Sam to talk.

Sam looked at his brother for a second before pulling in a deep breath and bringing both of his hands up and clasped them in front of his face.

He studied his hands for a second before his face slowly went form a pensieve look to one you would make when about to attack and he rammed his elbow into Deans face as hard as he could.

Dean's head slammed into the glass window and Sam quickly shifted so he was leaning in front of his brother and he grabbed the wheel quickly before slamming his head back into Dean's face again and again and again before he went slack and he pulled the car over.

Dean was covered in his own blood. The glass window was cracked in circles from where his head had slammed and there was blood on it.

Blood was seeping from the back of his head, gushing from his nose that was broken and bent at a wrong angle, his eyes were shut and one seemed to have blood coming from it.

His mouth was dripping blood and his shirt was covered in it along with his lap.

Sam quickly wiped off the window so cars passing by wouldn't see the blood and he pulled his belt off.

He dragged Dean into the passenger seat so he was sitting up and pulled his belt off too. He put Deans arms down by his sides and put his belt around the seat and Dean before tying it tightly and turning the buckle to the back.

He tied Deans thighs together with his own belt and put the buckle under his legs then grabbed the rope and duct tape from the back and tied Deans legs up from his feet to his waist.

Once it was tied and secured he worked on his hands, then his arms, then his arms again because he knew how easily Dean could slip out of anything.

Once he was done with the rope he duct taped over his eyes but left his mouth and nose free. He couldn't do his mouth because he couldn't breathe from his nose, and he couldn't do his nose because his mouth was still filling with blood and the blood would make it slip off.

He drove quickly, going through the states and not even stopping unless for gas.

Once he was in New York and Dean still hadn't moved he began getting worried and quickly checked the motionless body for a pulse. He let his breath out in a rush when he felt one and kept driving, a little concerned that his nose and mouth were still dripping blood but he supposed that was what happened when you broke your nose and just let your head hang down onto your chest.

It was another hour before Sam found the old abandoned warehouse and parked in front of one of the doors.

"Sorry Dean" he said smirking before undoing the seat belt and the two belts.

He pulled Dean out of the car before dropping him carelessly onto the ground and grabbing the two belts.

He tied one around Dean's ankles and fastened as tight as he could, poking another hole into the strong leather.

He stuffed a large rag into Deans mouth letting what he couldn't fit to hang out before tying the thinner belt that was only about an inch tall over Dean's mouth to keep the rag in.

He tightened it painfully and made sure Dean could bite down onto the leather belt before putting his arms around Dean and began dragging him towards the door.

Dean slowly began waking up, except he couldn't open his eyes, they were stuck down, something was on his face… now that he thought about it, his whole face hurt. And he could hear someone, dragging something? Why couldn't he open his eyes? Why couldn't he move? He began struggling as his memories caught up with him and he realized he was tied up; extremely tightly.

It felt like he was in a cocoon of rope, every inch of him felt like it was burning from being tied so tightly, he would bet money that the rope was covering his whole body.

"Stop fighting me Dean." Sam's voice whispered into his half covered ear with what felt like duct tape.

Dean tried to say something back along the lines of "I'll fucking fight all I want you crazy ass mother fucker" but he ended up gagging at the cloth and… belt? in his mouth.

Sam chuckled and Dean had to remind himself that this wasn't Sam and was either a Skin Walker, Shape Shifter, or something else that he honestly couldn't think of at the moment.

He was dropped flat onto his back and he grunted but he listened carefully as a door was opened.

He was picked back up and dragged inside and he froze in panic as he realized he truly was screwed right now.

He didn't even know if the real Sam was still alive never mind if he was going to live.

He didn't know where he was but he was guessing New York.

He didn't know what this person wanted with him but he was guessing they weren't going to be too shy about getting whatever it was.

He was dragged for a while longer before he was dropped again and a loud noise started up and he knew the lights had come on though he couldn't see anything or even open his eyes.

His body was hoisted up by two people and he grew almost scared; he didn't get fully scared, not after everything that had happened to him. He was almost scared though.

He only got scared for Sam. The real Sam; and for all he knew Sam could still be back at California and he had started hunting with this imposter.

He was dropped onto what felt like a table and slowly the rope started being cut away on one of his legs.

Were they that stupid? He could do a lot of damage with one leg, he knew from experience that just one working limb could be useful.

Before he could kick though eight hands were holding his leg down and a needle was jabbed into his jean clad thigh.

He fought with everything in him to stay awake, to fight off the affects of the drugs, but though he had strong mind power, he couldn't physically fight something in his blood.

When he woke the first thing he knew was that he wasn't tied to himself like before, now if felt like his arms were both chained and cuffed down spread out like a cross.

Then his legs were both chained and cuffed so he was in an X, so he was spread out.

His waist was also chained down with what felt like multiple leather belts.

He strained against them harshly but could feel the sharp metal cutting into him without moving so much as a centimeter off of the metal table.

He heard Sam's distinct chuckle from somewhere and he froze, listening as best he could.

"Dean, Dean, Dean, when will you ever learn? Once chained down, you can't move. Do you remember hell? Well think of that as Hotel Sunshine compared to what I'm going to do to you." Sam said and he could just hear the smirk.

He went to bark out a remark but once again found the belt in his mouth but that was it.

He pushed at it with his tongue but it was tied too tightly.

He listened as the person stood up and walked over to him and it was then he could feel it.

The slightest of drafts; which meant two things.

One, there was a vent of some kind in the room that was either on the floor or close to him. And two, he wasn't wearing any clothes.

He winced as a hand roughly grabbed his hair and he felt the tape on his eyes being ripped off of him.

He winced and bit down onto the leather hard to stop from yelling out and realized it was there for that exact reason.

Perfect.

His eyes, though burning, slowly adjusted.

He was in what looked like an all metal room; he was like he thought, chained and cuffed onto a metal table, and the room was totally bare.

Great; just great.

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Okay, that's chapter one! Please please please review and tell me what you think! But please be gentle, this is my first fic! And please, dont flame or say something incredibly horribly soul crushing, my soul will be crushed. And it will most likely hurt.

Please review, love you guys!

The song was "Speeding Cars" by "Imogen Heap"


	2. Chapter 2

Warmth in the Winter

Chapter two:

I don't own anything, the characters, setting or anything!

{The Quotes will never have anything to actually do with the story, they are just there}

Quote: The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

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"So Dean, I bet I can guess what you're thinking right now. Something along the lines of, where's my brother? What do you want? I'm going to kill you. Was I right?" the Sam look alike asked smirking down at Dean.

Dean grunted and pulled hard against the restraints but fell back against the bed huffing slightly out of breath.

"Well, that's why I took the tape off of your eyes. We both know silver will hurt anything that can shift into something else, so here were go, with your very own knife. "

Dean watched as Sam took the silver knife in his hands and sliced a small cut on his forearm. Sam winced along with Dean but nothing happened.

Dean began struggling again, this was not Sam, he was possessed!

"And now I know you think I'm possessed, so here we go, some salt." He said pulling a handful of white powder from his pocket and putting some in his mouth.

He winced at the horrible taste but nothing else.

"And let's just throw in some holy water." He said turning and grabbing a gallon of water from under the table.

Inside the gallon were rosary beads and he drank from the gallon before setting it back down under Dean.

"But, I know you still don't believe I'm Sam, so, I'm going to bring some things into the open. Hm, just the other day a song came on and it was one you sang to me as a kid, you used to cook mac and cheese whenever I asked, you hated it when I did that puppy dog look when I was a kid because I got everything I wanted, I gave you that amulet, one Christmas you stole me a Barbie and wand for Christmas, one of the first things we hunted while back together was a Wendigo, you were taken by a gene once, should I go on?" he asked smirking.

Dean snarled something that resembled "I'll kill you!" and Sam rolled his eyes.

"Sure, whatever, let me guess, you still don't believe I'm Sam? What ever gets you through the night." He said smirking.

A door opened then and Sam didn't even bother to turn around.

"Just bring it over here." He said loudly.

The man that walked in was wearing a mask and he was pushing a large cart. There were three shelves and they were all filled with things though Dean just couldn't make them out.

The cart was pushed right up to the side left side of Dean and he turned his head to the side as much as he could and he swallowed.

On the top of the cart wasn't torture devices, but medical things.

He swallowed worriedly and looked up frantically at Sam's face.

Sam laughed and set up what looked like a pole for an IV.

Dean quickly began trying to talk through the belt and pulling as hard as he could against the restraints, he could feel the blood dripping from his wrists and ankles but he just pulled harder.

"Do I have to put you under again or will you stop moving?" Sam snapped holding up a needle filled with a clear liquid.

Dean froze and went slack on the table quickly.

"Good boy" Sam said smirking before he went back to setting up the IV pole and attaching a full bag to it.

Dean was about to pull the restraints again but one look from Sam and he was shrinking down against the table quickly.

Dean held his breath as he watched Sam get a needle and line ready but was relieved to see it wasn't attached to the bag yet.

He bit the leather when the needle was pushed into his arm and let go when he felt Sam putting gauze on it then taping it up extremely carefully.

"I wouldn't mess with this once I've connected it, you don't want it slipping out of a vein. Who knows what could happen if this stuff starts getting pumped into you and not in a vein, whew, I'm glad I'm not you right now." Sam said smirking down at Dean.

Dean turned pale as he watched Sam connect the tube to the tube hanging from the bag but Sam didn't open the little valve thing and he sighed in relief.

Sam grabbed the box that was on the second shelf and put it on the now cleared top on, pushing away the left over medical supplies.

He snapped the box open and Dean wished the medical things were back. This was the torture stuff.

Knives, pins, things he had never seen before. Things he had hoped he would never have to see. They were all crammed into the box, and now that the box had been moved he could just see more things on the next two shelves.

He whimpered and shrunk further into himself.

"What's wrong Dean, not so tough now are you?" Sam asked laughing.

"Sam! Sam! Please!" Dean yelled through the belt.

"You should be thankful!" Sam hissed at him.

Though Dean couldn't fully make his regular facial expressions the one he had on right now was plain as day.

"Do you know what I had to do to get you here? All the way to New York from California! Do you know the price on your head? There are things out there offering the world for your head, "_Screw Sammy we want Dean"_ is what they say. The price on your head has things crawling out of hell just to find you.

Do you know how much angels are willing to do just to get their hands on you? Sure, those sigils branded on your ribs will hide you, but come on, you're worth more than the world right now.

You should be thankful that I decided to take you here, I won't kill you or hand you over so soon like all the other would. I'll let you stay here, for a long time, before I even begin to think about getting rid of you and cash in."

Dean felt like he was going to be sick; this wasn't Sam he reminded himself.

Sam picked up a small knife and held it up in front of his face. He looked at it, turning it around in his fingers before lowering it to Deans face.

Dean hissed as he pushed it down onto his face and cut from the corner of his left eye to his chin.

He bit down hard onto the leather belt as its twin was made on the other side of his face.

"It looks like tears of blood." Sam said in almost awe.

Dean snarled but did nothing else; he couldn't do anything else.

"You know, I really don't like marring your skin like this; you're so beautiful, I hate to see you like this." Sam whispered looking Deans body over.

Dean's stomach rolled at the words and he wanted nothing more than to kill this evil son of a bitch.

Dean bit down hard as the knife suddenly found purchase on his right thigh and was dragged down in a deeper cut then the one of his face.

He screamed through the belt as he felt the knife go straight down about an inch into his left leg.

He screamed harder as it was pushed down and he gasped panting when it was removed.

Sam picked up the small box of pins and picked up one out of it.

He slowly turned it around in front of Deans face before sticking the first small pin harshly into his stomach.

Then another, then he lost count as pin after pin was pushed into his arms, legs, stomach, sides, feet, hands.

He knew there were a hundred pins in the box from what the box said but he didn't know how many had been used on him.

He nearly fainted when a large spike was pushed into abdomen.

"Come on Dean, it's been what? Five minutes? You can't tell me that's all you got?"

Dean panted for a few seconds before jerking his head up. The belt ripped down onto his chin and he panted harshly.

"I'm just getting comfy." He panted smirking up at Sam before spitting blood out of his mouth and onto the floor.

A large smirk grew onto Sam's face and it turned into one of pleasure as Dean screamed when the knife was pushed into his leg.

"Oh I'm just getting started." Sam said smirking.

Dean's head fell back as he panted. He let his eyes shut and he wished he hadn't taken the belt out.

It was another five hours of cutting, pulling the pins out then pushing them into different places, burning, and beating did Sam stop.

Dean panted, and smiled up at Sam.

"What's wrong? Need to take a break?" he asked smirking.

Sam looked at Dean's bloody smile and smirked back.

"No, I was actually just thinking about giving this a test run, what do you think? Should we give it a try?" Sam asked walking towards the IV pole, wiping his bloody hands on Deans stomach making him wince and pant in pain.

"Why not, what's the worst that could happen?" Dean asked setting his face.

"Well besides you dying? Not much. I like your attitude boy." Sam said smiling before turning the little valve so it opened.

At first Dean didn't feel any different, but slowly he could feel a coldness seeping through his body.

His body clenched and jerked on the table and a cold dread spread through him.

He looked around and his eyes widened and his mouth opened.

There was Sammy, at fourteen just like that night, but he was mad, he had an angry face.

He jerked his head but when he looked back Sammy wasn't there, Alastair was, with his dad and an older Sammy, not quite as old as he was yet though.

"I'm gonna kill you boy, real slow." His dad said said in his powerful voice.

Dean pushed back against the bed as the three of them walked over to him and then three sets of hands began torturing him, all at once doing different things.

Dean screamed in sheer pain as Sam rammed the knife straight into his stomach and his stomach spasmed around the cool blade.

Sam watched as Dean's body contorted and he screamed in pure agony at the things he could only see and feel.

Tears streaked from the corners of his eyes and rolled down the cuts, turning red from the blood.

"Please! Please! Stop! Please! Somebody Help Me! Please!" he screamed at the top of his lungs.

Sam winced as Dean's voice broke but his smile came back full force as his head was thrown to the side as if he had been smacked to shut up.

Sam watched for an hour as Dean screamed himself hoarse before slipping the belt back onto his mouth and leaving the room.

Dean didn't stop screaming through the belt for another three hours before he fainted from exhaustion and pain.

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Sam paced around the room, pulling his hair harshly waiting for the phone call. Another ten minutes of silence and growling before the phone rang and he pounced on it.

"Booby?" he snapped.

"Yeah boy, it's me." He said quietly.

"Well? Did you find him?" he demanded.

"No, boy I got all of my feelers out, it took me over two weeks to notify them all, there were so many; I mean every tom dick and harry that I've ever met are watching for him. They said they went to every hospital in their area and no one like him was even there. They checked the police station too. I'm sorry boy, we're just going to have to keep search-"

"I'VE BEEN SEARCHING!" Sam yelled into the phone, squeezing it tighter in his fist.

"I know boy, but come on, this is Dean, he's the only person I know that is impossible to get the jump on. If he was taken, then you need to get ready to find him, fight whatever took him, then get him out… or he could just be off on his own-"

"HE WOULDN'T HAVE JUST LEFT ME HERE IN GOD DAMN CALIFORNIA WITHOUT SO MUCH AS A CALL OR NOTE!" Sam yelled getting frustrated again.

"Sam, I know, tell me again exactly what happened." Bobby said trying to calm him.

"Alright, a month ago Dean and I were in a little diner and he was inside getting the food while I waited outside in the car. Then I saw a goddamn vampire in the alley feeding on some girl. So of course I got out and fought it, I took its head off and by the time I got back to the diner the car was gone and Dean was gone. I took a cab back to our hotel but our things were packed up and everything was gone. I went to the first place in the yellow pages but he wasn't there either. And now I've been searching goddamn California for a month without any sign of him!"

"Alright, well it could have been a set up." Bobby said after a minute of deep thought.

"What do you mean?" Sam asked.

"I mean what if a shape shifter took your form while you were killing the vamp and went with Dean. Dean thought it was you, so of course he went with it. Then the shifter; or you got the drop on him."

Sam fell down so he was sitting on the edge of the bed. Why the hell hadn't they thought of that a month ago?

"Bobby, what if he hunted with the shifted, they could be anywhere in the world. Dean would go anywhere I said there was a hunt. He could be in Rhode Island while I'm here like a shmuck looking in all of the wrong places!"

"Now calm down Sam, you don't know where he is-"

"Listen, I have an idea, I'm going to need to call you back." Sam said distractedly before hanging up.

Sam quickly pulled his phone out and held his breath while he dialed his last and closest psychic friend. He counted the rings impatiently before she answered.

"Hello?" said the cautious voice on the other line.

"Julie? Hey, its Sam, I need your help-"

"Come right over then, but you're going to have to make the visit fast, I have two hours before I need to catch a plane-"

"To where?" Sam demanded.

"Well I was planning on visiting my family in Massachusetts for a while-"

"Buy me a ticket with you; I'm going to need to be on that plane." Sam said quickly before hanging up.

Sam grabbed his already packed bag and quickly got into his stolen car.

He didn't stop driving until he was in Washington and at Julie's small house.

He jumped out with his bag and was just about to pound on the door but it swung open and he was dragged inside before the door slammed.

"Sheesh Sam, are you trying to get me killed?" she asked before turning and walking away down the hall.

Sam quickly ran after her; knowing she was talking about using her real name on the phone and coming to her real house. She was weird like that.

She sat down in a small chair at the round wooden table and threw a black sheet over it that had white markings on it.

Sam got the lights as she began lighting the candles then they both sat down.

"Who am I calling or looking for now?" she asked.

"Look for Dean-"

"What the hell Sam?" Julie asked.

"He's been missing-"

"I know that! What I mean is why would you have me look for him? Obviously I tried looking for him already. As soon as I heard from the other side that he was gone I looked, trust me, I spent a week straight searching, going through spirit after spirit. None of them would tell."

"But they do know?" Sam asked quickly.

"Well some of them do, others don't. I know this little dead girl that knew, said a bad man was doing bad stuff to him last she checked. She refused to tell me where he was though."

"Well call her back up!" Sam said quickly.

"I can't just pick up the phone and call-"

"Please, just try to talk to her!" he pleaded.

She ground her teeth together but flicked the lights on and stomped to the other room to get her Ouija board.

Sam put out some of the candles but left the rest and cleared the table quickly. She came back in carrying the largest board he had ever seen someone use and she opened it onto the table.

On it were words, places, times, the alphabet, numbers, yes, no, and other random things.

She brought out a map of the fifty states that was large enough that in each state you could see town names.

She put one of her hands on a necklace that he had never seen her with before and she closed her eyes and began whispering words.

Sam strained to hear and he knew she was speaking a different language.

She knew seventeen languages; known of them he knew.

After a second she stopped and looked around the room before putting her hand out, as if waiting for something to be put in it.

Sam almost jerked back and fell when a small wooden block fell into her hand.

"Thank you, I'll put it with my other toys that you gave me sweetie." Julie said smiling kindly at someone.

Julie placed the block down onto the board and placed the tips of her fingers on it.

"Honey, can you tell me who this is with me?" She asked.

He felt a chill in front of him and he smiled slowly, looking around.

His attention snapped to the board when the block began to move.

It stopped on yes.

"Can you tell me who this is?" she asked

Julie quickly scribbled about ten different hunters onto a piece of paper, his name in the middle.

The block moved onto his name and she smiled.

"Very good, this is the man I was telling you about, the one who misses his brother very much, he's very sad, he wants his brother, do you know where he is?" she asked slowly.

After a minute the block moved again, onto the yes.

"Can you show us where he is?"

This time they had to wait a few minutes for the block to move onto the map, then they watched as it left a trail from Washington and took stops every now and then.

"Different places they stopped to hunt" Julie whispered to Sam's confused face.

Sam ground his teeth as he realized Dean had been hunting this whole time and possibly right now with someone else; or maybe on his own.

The block stooped in Pennsylvania.

"Is that where they are now?" Julie asked.

The block slid to no.

"Is that where they last were?"

It slid to yes.

"Why can't you tell me where they are?"

The block went to the word "big" then the word "trouble".

"Why will you be in trouble?"

The block went to big trouble again.

"Alright, can you whisper to me?" Julie asked.

She waited a minute before the chill passed me and went to her.

She tilted her head to the side and began speaking in another language; most likely the girls first language.

After a long time Julie stood up and began clearing up.

"Well? What did she say?" Sam demanded standing and clearing everything with her.

"She told me she didn't like you, and that you were a bad man. She also told me that Dean was now somewhere big. She also said that if any spirit, ghost, or creature told where Dean was then they would be dragged to hell and never let out. Apparently, everyone knows about what is going on, and if you even breath wrong about it, you might as well have killed youself.

She said hunters were dead because they were too close to him for their liking. Something big is going on Sam; something really big. This isn't like them, something's not right." She said worriedly.

Sam sat back down worried.

Great, just great.

He was somewhere big, he was on lockdown by every supernatural creature in the world that was dead and alive, and he probably thought he had been with him this whole time.

He was so screwed.

"Somewhere big, like, a big building?" Sam asked suddenly.

"I'm not sure. Just somewhere big-"

"Because what state, is the biggest?" Sam asked, something trying to click in his head.

"Cali, Texas, and Florida I think-"

"What is the biggest? What state is the most famous?" Sam asked smiling suddenly.

"New York" they said at the same time.

"That makes sense, the path led to New York, its big, and impossible to find a missing person in!" Julie said excitedly.

"Can you go to New York with m-"

"They kill hunters who enter the state in fear of one thing going wrong, and you want me to go in there with you?" she shrieked incredulously.

"Julie, please, Dean and I need you!" he pleaded.

"Look Sam, there isn't much I wouldn't do for a hunter, and even less for what I wouldn't do for you or Dean, but killing myself is one of those things." She said

"Look, all I need is for you to be in New York, then looking for him will be easier. Then you can go and I can save him on my own."

"Look, I know you were the ones with Pam when her eyes burned out, and I know you were the ones with her when she was killed; I'm sorry, but you don't have a good streak with psychics." She said honestly.

"Yeah but, come on! Just cross into New York, then you can leave!" he begged.

"Fine, I'll think about it on the plane ride, but we have to go, now." She said grabbing a luggage bag and her coat.

Sam grabbed his only bag and FBI wallet so he would be allowed to bring his three guns on with him.

The ten minute drive to the airport was quiet with Sam begging and Julie pointedly ignoring what he had to say.

As soon as they got there he left Julie to go get his ticket and so people wouldn't see him with her, or they would wonder why an FBI agent was with a regular none FBI agent.

He went to the counter, got his ticket under his false name, and walked straight through, flashing his badge to multiple stops.

He finally got to where he needed to be and handed his bag over and pulled out his three guns and two knives while the workers called Bobby for confirmation.

Bobby gave his usual reply and he was cleared through with his weapons.

He settled into a seat and saved the one on the outside for Julie.

Ten minutes later Julie was boarding and quickly sat on the side of him.

"Thanks for taking the window seat." She said appreciatively.

He nodded then looked out the window.

At first the mumbling was easy to take but after a few minutes he sighed and turned to Julie.

Her hands were shaking and she was clutching wooden rosary beads. She was praying in what sounded to be Hebrew.

"Julie, relax, the chance of-"

"Yeah, sure, whatever." She said before continuing her prayers.

"Can you even pray? What with what you do and all-"

"Well I haven't burst into flames after all of these years so I would assume I can." She snapped before continuing.

He couldn't help the smirk that slid onto his face but he quickly stifled his laughter and took his iPod out and handed it to her.

She put the ear buds in and after a second he could hear the music blaring.

He laughed quietly as she started her praying with the music and laid back against the seat.

It was going to be a long flight, he might as well get some shut eye.

He had just gotten comfy when an elbow jabbed him in the side.

"What?" he asked rubbing his side.

"You cant sleep! What if a spirit is here? Or a phantom?" she hissed with wide eyes.

"Wake me if you see anyone possessed. And everytime someone comes near you say Christo." He said tiredly and rolling back onto his side.

She nodded quickly and looked around, clutching a small bottle of salt now.

He couldn't help his laugh but settled back down anyway.

Dean, I'm coming, don't worry.

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Dean spit out the blood in his mouth and snarled.

"You have been on that table for a month, how on earth are you still alive?" Sam asked him impressed, though it wasn't actually a question.

He had done everything to Dean. From burning, dunking, cutting, beating, slicing, injecting with copious amounts of drugs, whipping, singeing, starving, dehydration, cutting open and sewing up, shooting, breaking bones, suffocating, choking, stabbing, gang rape, to anything else he could think of.

"What makes you tick?" Sam wondered.

"I've died (pants for breath) over two hundred times (pants) I lived in hell for forty years (pants harshly and coughs up blood) what makes you think a few months here is anything compared to what I've been through?"

Sam studied his bloodied broken face for a while before smirking.

"I know what you haven't gotten yet!" he said excitedly.

"Bring it on" Dean goaded in a harsh voice.

"I haven't raped you yet? Have I? Just me and you?" Sam asked him, a malicious smirk growing on his face.

Dean's eyes widened and he jerked on the table.

Sam quickly threw his shirt off and Dean started panicking.

Sam had all of his clothes off faster than Dean would like to it have been and he was straddling his stomach.

Dean body jerked at the heavy weight on him and he screamed as it was applied right where he had recently been stabbed.

"I love when you scream, god it's so beautiful." Sam whispered in awe.

Dean was covered in blood, piss and sweat, every inch of him. One of his legs might be shattered, he had been shot in the shoulder, eight of his fingers were broken, he thinks his foot might be broken as well. He's not sure if his other shoulder is in the joint, and all he knows is if he doesn't get out of here there isn't going to be much left of him.

Just looking down at Dean all bloody and damaged has Sam getting hard in seconds.

He leaned down until his lips are at Dean's ear that still has blood dripping from the inside from when they put head phones on him and played a pitch so loud that had made him pass out and he licks the blood before whispering to him.

"I'm gonna fuck you so hard pretty boy, I'm gonna fuck your ass so hard you won't be able to walk ever again."

And then Sam was ramming hard into Dean's ass and Dean was screaming because despite the blood, he was bone dry, and Sam was huge, and Sam was dry, and though he had been raped plenty of times from the rest of the gang, Sam was the biggest and he was Sam and he had to watch as Sam raped him and it hurt, and Sam was hurting him, Sam was hurting him; Sam was fucking hurting him.

"STOP!" Dean screamed out, back arching off the table as much as it could because of the pain.

"That's it, scream for me, scream baby." Sam hissed in his ear before slamming back in roughly.

Dean screamed again and for two hours Dean didn't stop.

Sam took him hard for two hours. Even after he cam in Dean the first time, then the second, he still went on.

When Sam finally climbed off of Dean cum leaked out of his teared hole and he whimpered in pain; not able to do much more than that.

Sam's cock was covered in blood and he smirked at the sight of Deans hole dripping a mixture of blood and cum.

"Did you like that? I can give you more."

Dean whimpered and shook his head weakly.

"Where did all your fire go now? Where's that defiance I love so much?" Sam asked laughing harshly.

Dean whimpered at the sound of Sam laughing and tears leaked out of his eyes and down to each ear.

Sam laughed at the sight of Dean crying and sighed.

"I'm not sated yet, what else can I do?" he wondered aloud, walking around naked.

"Hm, maybe-"

But he didn't finish because he grabbed the gun from the counter and shot Dean in the leg.

Dean screamed in pain and his back arched painfully.

"No, still bored, come on Dean, all you have to do is say one little word, all I need is for you to say yes, just say it, I can stop all of this if you just say yes!" Sam almost pleaded.

"Never" Dean coughed out before spitting blood out again.

"Don't make me call Bruce back in!" Sam threatened.

Dean visibly paled and began shaking harshly on the table.

"No, no, no, please no!" he cried shaking and trying to curl in on himself.

"Will you say yes?" Sam asked

"Never" he ground out again.

Sam sighed before walking up to Dean spinning a knife in his hands "you never learn do you?" he asked sadly before taking the knife and stabbing Dean in the shoulder.

Dean screamed and his hands curled into fists, making him scream harder as he moved his broken fingers and squeezed them.

Sam climbed back on top of Dean, so he was straddling his waist again and he reached over and touched the tips of his fingers to the full IV bag.

Dean cried out shaking "please, no more, please, I don't want it, please-"

Sam opened the valve and Dean quickly began twitching before he started convulsing on the table, under Sam's weight to hold him down.

Sam slid the belt into Dean's mouth so he wouldn't bite his tongue and Dean bit hard, his body still seizing.

After ten minutes Sam closed the valve and waited for Dean to gain some power again then he talked "I can make everything stop, just say yes, I know you don't want to be here, why don't you just say yes?" Sam asked softly.

Dean just collapsed onto the table and cried, tears leaking out of the corners of his eyes in a steady stream and his body shook in pain and exhaustion.

He was not going to let his little brother kill him, so help him god, he would die by his own hands before he let Sam kill him.

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PLEASE REVIEW! i hope you liked the chapter, more is to come! Be gentle, don't hate on it too much, there is a big difference between constructive criticism and just being rude! Love you ALL!

Oh, so in this chapter i let out a little hint as to why he was kidnapped, with the whole "will you say yes?" and "never" so, if anyone thinks they know why Dean was kidnapped, tell me in a review!

Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

Warmth in the Winter

Chapter three:

I don't own anything, not the story, characters, or setting.

{The Quotes will never have anything to actually do with the story, they are just there}

Quote: "Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." - Douglas Adams

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"Bobby, I've been in New York for two months, it's been three months since Dean has gone missing, we need more help!" Sam snapped at the old man.

"Every god damn hunter I've sent to you has been killed! No one else will go to New York! You said yourself since you got here it was one creature after the other and you're only alive by the skin of your teeth, we have hunters trying boy, but don't expect me to make you miracles!"

"Bobby, it's been three months, since I've seen Dean-"

"You don't think I want him back?" Bobby threatened.

"Of course you do, but I'm up to my neck in blood and I could use some back up!"

"Call Julie then! She's still at her moms!" Bobby snapped.

"She can't even hold a spoon! How is she supposed to help me?" Sam asked hysterically.

"Boy, sit your ass down and call Julie." Bobby snapped before hanging up the phone.

Sam ground his teeth but called Julie like he had been told.

"Julie, I need your help, please." Sam whispered crying

"Alright, I'll be there in ten minutes, watch for me." She said quickly, not able to listen to anyone cry before folding under pressure.

Sam wiped his face but couldn't stop the tears any longer.

This was his fault. If he could just find Dean and help him, he could get his brother back.

God damn New York and being so big and packed.

Julie pulled right up to the door and ran inside.

She chain locked the door, locked the bolt, then the knob, then she pulled out a marker and began drawing symbols everywhere.

She drew for an hour, shutting Sam up every time he attempted to talk so she could focus.

She chanted something's over a few of them and the others she sprinkled with different powders and liquids.

Finally Sam salted the windows and doors again before she sank down onto the other mattress.

The room was black inside. The shades were nailed shut, a wooden board had been nailed to the bottom of the door to cover the crack, the only light source was from the lamp between the beds.

After a second Julie sat up and looked at Sam.

"Alright, I brought some things." She announced before grabbing her bag and dumping it out.

Inside were guns of all shapes and sizes, hand grenades, dead man's blood, saws, a machete, a wooden stake, two jars of something, and other weapons.

Sam's mouth fell open.

"You can't even eat right, what are you doing with those?"

"I'm not going to sit by and be helpless while people are being eaten alive, literally."

She snapped before cocking one of the guns and sliding it into the back of her waistband.

"I brought my board and some candles, I'm going to go through some spirits, see if I can find the town or a street name." She said before setting up her board and closing her eyes.

Sam nodded and sat quietly as she went through spirit after spirit, it was two hours later before she stopped.

"The closest things I could get was an empty warehouse but not where."

"Okay, a warehouse in New York, that should take me about eight year to find the right one." He said sarcastically

"Hey, I found the state and the place, you haven't done anything but kill everything with an abnormal pulse!" she snapped

He sank back onto the bed and sighed; she was right. He hadn't been able to do anything.

"Look, you'll find him, we know the state, and we know it has to be an abandoned warehouse, now think, would they really pick one next to people where they could hear Dean screaming or somewhere far away? With woods and a water supply most likely."

Sam stared at her before getting onto his laptop.

"I have maps of New York if that helps any." Julie said.

"Go through the map and circle any area with woods and flowing water away from people with old warehouses." Sam said searching the web.

It was four hours later that they had narrowed their search down to ten places.

"Okay, not bad, these are the closest ones so we should do those first." Julie said standing and grabbing a black strap.

"We?" Sam asked shocked.

"I'm not going to let you get yourself killed." She said looking almost insulted but she smiled.

Sam watched confused as she strapped on a black vest then more on her legs then arms.

"Bullet proof." She said shrugging.

He nodded and watched as she pulled sweat pants over her jeans then a sweater over the shirt.

She slid a knife into each boot, one was strapped onto her arm, then strapped a gun under her sweat pants, then put a small black gun in her tank top so the nozzle or the gun was pointing up at her chin and the butt of it was curved under one breast.

"Packing pretty heavy aren't you?" Sam asked as he watched her take the small saw and put something on the sharp side then she strapped it onto her back.

"We are about to try and find your brother, who is guarded by every creature in America and other countries, and you want me to pack light?" she snapped

"Okay, sorry!" he said quickly.

She nodded and grabbed a fork.

"Wha-"

She put the fork with a sharp pencil in her pocket and he shook his head.

She filed her bag to the top with silver with iron bits in it before looking herself over thinking if she had missed anything.

"Silver?" he asked.

She nodded and unzipped the front pocket of her bag.

Inside was jewelry, knives, silver knuckles, silver flakes and a long silver chain.

She pulled on the silver knuckles onto her right hand and two silver rings on her other before slipping another knife into each boot.

She took out the chains and held them in her hands before throwing them to Sam.

He stuffed them into his own bag and Julie took a black marker and drew a star on her chest like Sam's.

"Okay, I think that's it, oh wait, okay, I need my hula hoop!" she said grabbing what looked like plastic twisted into small circles.

She let it untangle itself and he watched as she had an instant devils trap.

He laughed but helped her roll it back up and stick it in her bag. She dumped the silver flakes into the salt and iron bits before mixing it with her hands.

She grabbed a gallon of holy water and put a strap around the handle and connected the other end of the strap to her pants before tying the strap tight so the gallon hung on her hip.

"I put my back pack on and leave the top unzipped so I just have to reach back and grab a handful of salt and throw it. That's why I fill it to the top with all of that stuff."

He nodded and had to admit, she was prepared for anything that came at them.

"Alright, lets go." He said grabbing his last bag and turning the lamp off.

"Wait!" she hissed before grabbing something on the floor and walking to the door.

"Alright, if I die, I swear to god Sam I will come back just to smack you." She threatened before opening the door and walking to her van.

"A van?" he asked, eye twitching slightly.

"Hey, if we need to bring someone with us, just in case, we will have plenty of room." She answered defensively.

"Ohh" he said smiling a bit and getting into the driver's side.

They were going to five of the places today, and if they had extra time they would be going to a few more. He doubted they would find him today, but he hoped tomorrow they would.

The first three were duds, but they did kill their way through demons, vampires, and some skin walkers.

Julie's face was covered with the vampires blood from when she had thrown a star blade right through the vampires neck and blood sprayed her but he had to admit for someone that screamed everytime she looked in a mirror she could handle weapons extremely well.

On the fourth she got to use her fork and pencil. First she stabbed the werewolf in the neck with the pencil, he fell onto his back and she landed on top of him, then she stabbed him in the heart with her silver fork.

She pulled her pencil and fork out when she was sure he was dead and wiped the blood off onto her pants before sticking them back into her pockets.

"Huh, I can honestly say I didn't see that coming." Sam said as he stabbed a demon with his demon knife.

"I told you" she said smiling at him with an honest smile.

They went back to the car and Sam looked at his watch "I think we have enough time for two more, what do you think?"

She glanced down before nodding her head "Sure, but I call first shower." She said quickly.

He laughed then sobered up quickly; that was exactly what Dean said while they were hunting.

"Sorry." She said patting his shoulder.

He nodded and drove to their fifth one, hitting several creatures on the way but not caring.

He was gonna find Dean, whether he had to rip New York apart brick by brick.

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Dean stopped convulsing and snapped his teeth at Sam.

"Say yes!" Sam yelled smacking him.

"No!" Dean choked pathetically, his eyes had blood leaking from them making it hard to see.

"Say yes!" Sam screamed punching Dean in the face, punch after punch.

Dean choked on the blood coming from his mouth and nose and Sam clipped his nose with a metal clamp to stop him from drowning in his own blood.

"What's wrong? Didn't think I would last three months on the table?" Dean asked giving a weak bloody smile.

Sam growled and rammed into Dean again.

Dean's body jerked and he convulsed a bit more; he wasn't sure what he was convulsing about anymore. God damn drugs running through him making him seizure or Sam fucking him.

"Say yes" Sam hissed

"No" Dean said choking on blood again.

Sam smacked him making blood fly from his mouth onto the floor.

"Why the hell are not, I get your pain tolerance level is high, but this is just ridiculous now" Sam growled.

"I've had all of this done to me before, you can't imagine what they did in hell-" Sam silenced Dean with a hard slap to the face.

"But you were dead then, here, you're alive, and you can die, this isn't hell boy, but it's your hell on earth."

Dean didn't say anything, truthfully, he was in more pain than he ever had been in his life, and he was scared. He was terrified. He wasn't scared about dying, hell he wanted to die. But this, this torture by Sam every day, he couldn't take it, he was downright terrified every time he woke up to Sam's face now.

He needed out, he needed to be alone, he needed to get away from Sam. Sam hurt him, Sam liked hurting him, and he hurt him so god damn much.

"Come on, scream for me like I love." Sam said smiling down at Dean as he rocked into him again.

Dean groaned and his eyes shut, letting blood and tears drip off of his lashes.

Sam leaned down and licked the bloody tears up, leaving a wet trail on Dean's face.

Sam pounded harder into Dean suddenly and Deans body convulsed while Sam repeatedly pounded into his body.

"If (grunt) you think (gasp of pain) you can break me (teeth ground together) then you're wrong-" Dean let out a guttural scream as Sam ripped out of him and a knife was pushed into his torn hole.

It was thrust in again and again and again and Dean's eyes rolled back and he passed out in pain.

Sam dropped the knife onto the floor and pushed back into Dean ruthlessly. Turning the IV off and beating Dean with his fists.

"Bruce, come in here." Sam yelled.

Bruce walked over, the man was tall, 6' 6. He had muscles on his muscles. His hair was cut so short it almost looked like it had been shaved.

He stood by the bed and waited for instruction.

"Be here when he wakes up, and put the fear of god into him." Sam grunted before pulling out and climbing off of Dean's lifeless body.

Bruce nodded his head and smirked down at the unconscious body before grabbing one of his broken fingers and bending it back.

Dean's body shook with pain but he didn't wake up.

"I'll be sure to stay here with him; I'll call you when he wants to talk."

Sam nodded and walked out bored; he was going to have to kill Dean within the next two months if he didn't say yes, he was getting bored, he needed something over Dean, something to make him break faster.

He looked around the empty room and smiled as a thought suddenly struck him.

He knew what he could do to break Dean faster. It was perfect.

He was almost to the door to leave when Dean's ear piercing scream split the night air and he smiled. God Bruce just had a way with words.

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Dean screamed as the pole was pushed harder into him and his nails scratched at the table looking for purchase on the smooth metal, but he found none.

Dean's screams grew louder until his voice broke and he couldn't do much more than whimper in horrible pain and let tears slip from his eyes that were squeezed tightly.

"Listen" Bruce demanded as he set the head phones onto Dean.

The tape was just of children, babies, teens, toddlers, all screaming.

He banged his head hard against the table as the volume was turned up and tears leaked from his eyes faster.

"We brought in fifty kids, and slaughtered them all; just so we could make this tape for you. You should have heard them crying for help, oh god and all the blood, it was delicious." Bruce snarled

Deans eyes leaked a steady stream of tears as he listened to the children screaming and he felt like he was going mad.

"Please! Turn it off! Please!" he screamed hands clawing again.

The belt was tied around his head and his body shook as he started convulsing.

The screams, the pole, the convulsing, it was too much.

Dean screamed through the leather belt and jerked his arm as hard as he could; breaking the metal chaining his right arm down.

Bruce stared shocked as Dean began fighting himself, Bruce, the metal, and everything around him.

The head set was flung to the wall and Dean's screams grew louder and more crazed as he tried to reach for the man.

Bruce quickly got out of the way of Dean's flying limb and grabbed a needle. He inserted it into the IV and quickly slid another dose after that one in and he had to do another before Dean finally dropped onto the table.

He stood back shocked and quickly called Sam in and told him about what had happened.

"Get that out of him." Sam said dismissively flipping his wrist uninterested at the pole.

Bruce jerked it out and Deans body flopped onto the table, blood spilling from his bottom.

They watched as he brought his unchained hand and tried to curl in on himself as much as he could.

"Chain him back down, I'll stay here and wait for him to wake up; and turn the heat down thirty degrees."

"I had to give him three to knock him out, he's going to be out for a while." Bruce said pointing to the three empty needles.

"Alright, you can go." He said to Bruce.

Bruce nodded and Sam sat down in a metal chair thinking.

So, he was obviously stronger than they expected. To be able to break from the metal bond in his weakest form.

But Sam still had an idea, and now with this new information, he was going to use it to his advantage.

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"I've been in New York for five god damn months Julie! Why haven't we found him? We checked every warehouse in New York that was away from a lot of people and he wasn't in any!"

"I don't know, they didn't move him because I've been in the spirit world every damn day! They still say he is in a warehouse in New York! Obviously we're missing something!" Julie yelled throwing one of her blades at the wall.

Sam already knew it had hit her target dead on and he didn't even glance at the wall.

"Maybe it's not a warehouse?" Sam asked pulling his hair.

"It's a warehouse, we just have to find it." Julie said firmly.

"Alright, let's go through the list again, maybe we missed one." Sam offered.

"Or maybe we didn't." Julie said suddenly.

"What do you mean?" Sam asked not in the mood for her to start playing word games.

"I mean they said it was a warehouse, but what if it not an official place. Just something built back in the day that isn't even listed anymore? We should check all of the woods, all of them big enough to have a warehouse and is away from people. We need to find an empty forest."

"Okay, yeah, but there have to be a hundred forests-"

"Not ones that are big, not used for camping, has running water, and is far away from people."

"Alright, let's find all of the larger forests with water running and away from people." Sam said getting his laptop and getting onto the web.

Julie pulled out a cleared map and began circling possible places.

By the next day they had ten possible forests.

"It'll take us a full day to search each one at least." Sam said growling

"What if I hook us up with a helicopter? We could take down a few in one day at least." Julie said suddenly.

"Yeah, but I can't fly a helicopter." Sam deadpanned.

"Are you serious?" She asked shocked.

"What? And you can?" Sam scoffed.

"Well yeah, in case there was an emergency and I needed to know." She said almost confused.

"Never mind, just get us one for today or tomorrow and the next few days." Sam said sighing and rubbing his face.

Julie nodded and grabbed the phone book, Sam's laptop, and the phone and began dialing people.

Sam laid down on his bed and looked up at the ceiling.

Dean had been missing for six months now, longer than he had been to hell for. And that meant about five months in this warehouse thing.

That's five months of possible torture or whatever they were doing to him in there.

"Something isn't adding up." Julie said after an hour and after finally renting a helicopter for a week using some poor shmuck's credit card.

"What do you mean?" Sam asked not bothering to open his eyes.

"I mean I get most of the supernatural realm loathes Dean down to the very core, and I totally get why, but what I don't get is why risk keeping him on lock down, and why everyone is helping keeping him there. The whole country can't just want to torture him, they have to really want something out of him too."

Sam slowly opened his eyes and sat up thinking about what she had just said. It didn't make sense to just hold him; and it didn't make sense on how no one dead or alive would tell where Dean was; even the ones on their side.

Nothing about this was making sense, he just hoped Dean could hold out a little longer if he wasn't dead already.

Sam quickly shook himself away from that path of thoughts and stood.

"We should get ready, we get the copter in two hours then for seven days right?"

Julie nodded seeming in deep thought; Sam knew she did that often and left her to start getting ready.

Suddenly Julie was thrown onto the ground and Sam ran to her.

"Julie?" he yelled grabbing her shoulders and shaking her.

Her head snapped up and she looked around before standing and clearing her throat.

"Me name Amanda" she said in a thick accent.

"What?" Sam asked confused.

"Me name, Amanda" she said to him again

Sam quickly pulled out his demon knife and pressed it to Julie's throat and the girls eyes widened in horror and she began crying and screaming.

Sam quickly let her go so no one would hear her and he crouched down.

"What do you want demon?" he spat.

"I no demon! Ghost." She said after a moment.

"You're a ghost?" Sam asked shocked.

"Yes"

"How did you get in her?" he demanded

"She called me into her directly, so I could talk to you both."

"Okay, I'm listening." Sam said slowly lowering his knife.

"Dean going to need medical help, but you cant bring him to doctors, take him to the Bobby Singer's house; call him and tell him to get a hunter doctor there with ALL his things. Dean will need help."

Sam scrambled for a pen and paper and wrote that down quickly.

"How bad is he hurt on a scale from one to ten, ten being the worst?"

"One hundred" she said simply.

"Jesus" Sam said writing faster

"Where is he?" he asked once he was done.

"In a big metal house in the woods by water."

"We know that already, okay, can you tell us how many guards are there?"

"Well, there is a large group of men, all equipped with guns, knives, and weapons, but Dean is not dead."

Oh thank god! He thought writing it down.

"Alright, will we find him today?" he asked.

"I don't know, I cant see the future." She said looking confused.

"Can you tell us anything else?" he asked desperetly.

"Yeah, wear a mask." She said before Julie dropped to the ground again.

Sam quickly picked her back up and sat her down on the bed while he scribbled down they needed masks. Why, he wasn't sure.

Julie came to after a few minutes and Sam told her everything that had happened.

"Jesus, he's gotta be pretty messed up, on a scale from one to ten he's a hundred; why isn't he dead?" she asked.

"Not helping" he ground out gearing up.

Julie rolled her eyes but started on her hour long process of gearing up and they had fifteen minutes to get there.

"We need masks she said." He said as an afterthought.

"Masks?" she asked confused.

"Yeah, why do you think-"

"Isn't it obvious? You're the one that's been torturing Dean all these months, he isn't going to want to see you. He's going to be terrified of you."

Sam staggered back, she was right, Dean was being tortured, and he probably thought Sam was doing it after all of these months; he was probably going crazy.

Sam sighed and told Julie she should be the only one to talk when they saved him in case his voice made Dean afraid.

She agreed and they both quickly got into the van, Julie driving while Sam was on the phone with Bobby relaying every piece of information they had to him and what he needed to do.

Bobby agreed and quickly hung up to get everything together and to make the right calls and before Sam knew it they were at a Wal-Mart and buying ski-ing gear so it wouldn't look shady with just the masks.

Once they had all of the gear thrown into a dumpster and had their masks in their pockets they went to the helicopter site and got ready.

"There are ten different places we have to check out, so we could be up here for hours, if you have to go to the bathroom go now." Julie said as they buckled in

Sam just clipped his seat belt and dropped his bag filled with guns and weapons next to his feet.

"Alright, this is papa bear, taking off" she said smirking as she slowly began their ascend into the air.

Getting up was far worse than just flying. It would have actually been kind of nice had it been different circumstances.

They flew around, going over each patch of woods and searching with binoculars carefully. They went through four of the woods before they came to one with an abandoned building.

"Its wood, everyone says its metal but we should check it out anyway." Julie said.

"Why, its wood."

"Red rum, remember? Sometimes they get a little confused." She said.

She landed in a clearing about one hundred yards from the building and they pulled their masks on and made their way with guns inside.

It was empty but there was a wire hooked up to a bomb set up.

They left after searching it top to bottom and they did the same to the other two that had buildings in the woods.

Finally, on their eighth one they found a metal building.

They searched it but it was empty.

They searched the other two before it was too dark then they landed back at the landing pad and went to their motel room.

"We need to find this damn metal warehouse and get Dean!" Sam yelled once the door was locked and everything was sealed and the salt lines were intact again.

"I know, why don't we just take a map and search all of New York? We can cross off the ones we did today. Maybe some of the maps aren't showing the rives. Some maps don't show rivers if they're in the forest and no one really knows about them."

"Alright, tomorrow, we search everywhere." Sam said darkly.

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"Well, today will be out sixth month anniversary, what should we do? Fuck you, kill you?" Sam asked smirking down at Dean.

Dean whimpered, his body shaking slightly.

"Just think, if you say yes to me, everything can stop, just say yes, I know you want to; everything will be okay if you say yes." Sam whispered

Dean's head rolled the other way and he groaned as his stomach spasmed in pain.

"I can't believe it, I've finally broken you; you can't even talk anymore." Sam said gleefully.

Tears dripped from Dean's eyes and his body started shaking from the cold.

"Oh honey, it's okay" Sam cooed.

Dean relaxed slightly when he heard Sam's concern and he whimpered as his body was racked with shivers and silent sobs.

"Oh sweetie, it's okay." Sam said walking to Dean and petting his hair.

Dean leaned as much as he could into the gentle touch and Sam whispered words of comfort and love to Dean.

"You know I love you, or else I wouldn't be doing this, you know how much I don't like to see you in pain. You're so beautiful, I hate hurting you." Sam cooed.

Dean nodded, tears dripping from his eyes.

Then suddenly he was choking on his own blood somehow.

"Dean?" Sam asked confused and shocked.

Dean choked harder, a gurgling noise coming from his throat.

"Spit Dean, spit" Sam order

Deans back arched, his face began turning blue, his hands grasped at the table repeatedly, his feet strained against the double chains.

Sam held Deans head up but it made it worse and Sam could see the blood in his mouth.

"Damn it Dean!" Sam swore before quickly unclipping his wrists.

Sam held Deans back up while he threw up on himself, blood, bile, what little food and water he had been given, the medications, everything came up .

Sam grimaced at the putrid smell but held Dean's back upright so he wouldn't collapse.

He could feel Dean shaking and he knew he was supporting Dean one hundred percent, he had no strength left.

After ten minutes of choking and throwing up Dean started convulsing on the table, his arms and torso twisting and bending.

Sam quickly ran to the counter to grab the shot to knock him out but when he turned back around Dean wasn't convulsing, he was holding a gun straight at him.

Sam slowly lowered the needle down and his eyes narrowed.

"You made yourself puke?" he asked.

Dean nodded, clearly exhausted and spent.

"And you made yourself convulse?"

Again he nodded, not having the strength to do much more.

"Well played Dean, well played."

Sam couldn't help but smirk, this guy really was good.

"Dean, come on, you're not going to shoot me are you? Your own brother?" Sam asked looking scared and hurt in a second.

Dean jerked back at the look on Sam's face but ignored it and shot him in the shoulder.

Sam swore but held the rest in.

Dean quickly undid the latches on his feet, then his waist before swinging his legs over the side using his arms.

Dean would never admit it, but he wished he was back to strapped down onto the table. Moving hurt a hell of a lot more than just laying there.

He ground his teeth together and slammed down onto the bed, snapping his shoulder back into place.

He swore but picked his body back up.

Sam was watching intently.

Dean took a deep breath, then shot Sam in the heart with the silver bullets.

Sam's body was thrown into the wall and fell down with a thump. His body lay motionless and his eyes were open.

Dean quickly dropped himself onto the floor on all fours and let his body lay there, flat on the ground for a while before clawing his way over to Sam's body with the gun still.

He couldn't move one of his legs, both or his arms were about as useless, his other leg was in so much pain he wasn't sure if this was a good idea anymore.

His stomach jerked and felt a burning pain behind his eyes and he breathed deeply trying to debate whether a seizure was coming or not.

It did come, and he convulsed on the floor next to Sam's dead body, clamping his teeth together as best as he could.

After it passed Dean quickly began striping Sam's body of his clothes and pulled the shirt over his head.

Screaming bloody murder as he did so.

He screamed when he had to pick his leg up and push it through the pants then with the other leg and once he had on a shirt and jeans he didn't think he could handle anything else.

His finger were healed at wrong angles and they hurt when he did things but it was better than them still being broken.

He looked at Sam's naked body and panic flooded him.

He had just killed Sam; his brother, the one he loved even after all of this.

He felt a strangled sob try to work its way up his throat but he pushed it down.

First he had to get out, then he could mourn the death or his murdered brother.

He dragged himself over to the vent that he had noticed on the first day he was here and sat on the floor next to the torture cart and looked around.

He grabbed a plank of metal from the cart and some gauze and tied the three foot or so plank to his right leg so he couldn't move it. Then he took one of the long poles and did the same to the other.

He looked around for something to use on his arms but couldn't find anything so he just grabbed the gauze roll; stuffed it into his pocket with the gun, and slid into the vent before shutting it again.

He slid through the vents, head first and legs sliding behind him.

He was careful to not make a sound and pulled himself for hours before he came to an opening.

He peeked through and nearly fainted in relief when he was it was close to the ground and led to the outdoors.

He pushed it open and fell to the ground with a thump.

He quickly got himself righted so he was sitting on his butt, his two legs out in front of him and his aching arms pulled around his chest.

He took a deep breath before pulling the gun out and holding it to his chest with the arm that had been shot multiple times, he had more control over that one than the one he just pushed back into place at the moment.

At least the bullets were all older than two days.

He dragged himself through the dirt and sighed in relief when he got into the thick part of the forest.

He dragged himself to a log and slid himself into it before grabbing leaves that were on the ground and covering the opening with it so no one could see him.

He let his breath out and closed his eyes; suddenly, he didn't care about anything, he just wanted to sleep.

He woke up slowly, his whole body burning in blinding pain. It was dark outside. It was also cold. Very cold.

Sam had said he had been with him for six months so he was guessing it was around December or January.

He peeked out of the leaves he had stuffed in with him to see snow was falling.

He needed to get moving while the snow was falling so it could cover his tracks; they were probably searching for him.

He slid out, gritting his teeth so hard he was worried he was going to break one then began dragging himself through the forest.

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I really hope you liked it! Please review, don't hate on it! I know i make mistakes but being rude about it won't fix them! Thank you all so much! I love you all! PLEASE REVIEW!

So, Dean is out, but he still needs to get away! Julie wont be in this whole story, maybe just another chapter or two then she's gone. There is not going to be a romance between a girl and a Winchester in this story, at all. Just so you all know that.

Again, if anyone thinks they know why he was kidnapped and why he was so important, put it in a review! Thank you all for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

Warmth in the Winter

Chapter four:

I don't own anything, not the characters, settings, or anything!

{The Quotes will never have anything to actually do with the story, they are just there}

Quote: "there's no such thing as a stupid question just highly inquisitive idiots"

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"Alright Sam, its dark, we should head back now-"

"Shh, can't you feel it?" Sam asked quietly

His hand was pushed onto his heart, it had been hurting since Dean had gone missing seven months ago, but it had hurt even more for the six months had had been in New York.

But now, the pull wasn't so bad; like Dean was close.

"Sam, I know your heart hurts, I get it, but we have to go back-"

"Look, a metal warehouse-"

"Shit are those people running out?" Julie asked eyes wide.

"Listen, put on your head set and listen!" Sam said quickly pulling his head set on.

"Find him! I don't care what you have to do, put a bullet through his head, but I want his body!" a huge man yelled.

Sam's eyes widened as he realized Dean had escaped, he had gotten away, and now a pack of men with guns were out for him.

"Dean's in the woods somewhere!" Sam said hyperaware of their surroundings now.

"I'm going stay up in the air, shoot them from up here, I'll drop you down and watch for you. If I find Dean or you do call on your cell phone." She said.

Sam nodded and Julie circled around before lowering towards the ground when she found a reasonable sized clearing.

"Get going, I need to find those goons and shoot them." She said before lifting back up.

Sam began running through the woods, a gun in each hand, mask already in place. In his pocket he had a slip of paper that said _"I'm here to help"_ . He ran through the woods and smirked when a body dropped somewhere close to him.

He spun to see one of the men they had seen with a bullet in his head, way closer than Sam thought on the ground. The sound of the copter leaving made him smirk harder.

He connected his head set and clicked the on button.

"Sam? God damn if I hadn't shot him you'd be dead!" Julie yelled.

"Thanks Julie, I knew you wouldn't let me die." Sam said smirking.

"I found Dean's car, its parked right at the edge of the woods and road, its covered in branches and shit."

"Alright, we can come for it after we find Dean" Sam said looking around.

She laughed then he could hear another bullet from her and her triumphant "Haha!"

He chuckled and continued running through the woods looking. He tripped over a log and landed with a loud thump. He quickly sat up and dusted himself off when he noticed something in the snow.

Under all of the fresh snow he could see a bit of blood.

He looked in the log quickly but it was empty except for a pile of leaves. Dean had been in there. He slowly dusted off the snow and found the blood and nearly cried from happiness. He covered the blood with snow and ran in the direction the streak had been going.

He wished he could yell out Dean's name but that would just frighten him more.

A shot rang out somewhere in the distance and Sam's eyes widened.

Dean didn't have a gun on him, that didn't come from the sky, he wasn't hit, had someone shot Dean?

He ran towards the sound of the bullet as fast as he could but it took him a good ten minutes to find the dead body.

So Dean did have a gun.

Great...

He looked at the bullet for a second and realized it was a silver bullet, he was using his own gun.

He ran for another hour, him and Julie talking quietly. Julie had shot fourteen men, Dean had shot one and apparently there was one dead inside. Sam hadn't even had to use his gun because everyone seemed to be shooting everyone.

"Have you seen anything that even looks like him?" Sam asked desperately.

"Well at one point I thought I saw something or someone on the ground but I circled back as fast as I could turn this around and it was gone."

"Alright, I'm not leaving until I find-"

A bullet whizzed by his head and he dropped to the ground quickly.

He looked around to see where the bullet had come from but saw nothing.

Damn, if that was Dean, how was he supposed to say I'm here to help before he got shot?

"SAM!" Julie yelled through the head set.

He held his breath and Julie swore.

"I'm doubling back to you, I swear you better still be alive or so help me god I will kill you again!" she yelled going faster.

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She searched for an hour before she heard a gunshot and went towards it.

On the ground was Sam, not moving but with his head slightly up like he was looking around. Behind a tree was the thing she had seen earlier.

A man, with his legs out in front of him tied together it seemed. One of his arms was tied to his side with what looked like white rope and he was just sitting against the stump of the tree trying to shoot Sam from the awkward angle.

Sam couldn't move in fear of being shot and he couldn't talk in fear of being shot even faster.

Julie rolled her eyes at the situation only Sam could get himself into.

She picked up her megaphone and started yelling down to Dean.

"That's my partner, we are here to help you, we're hunters, Bobby Singer sent us!" she screamed.

Dean's head snapped up and he squinted through the trees trying to see the copter.

"I'm a hunter, that is my partner, we are here from Bobby Singer!" she yelled into the megaphone again.

Slowly, **very** slowly, he lowered his gun and Sam scrambled up and ran over to Dean.

Julie quickly turned in her seat and attached the gurney onto the chains and let it drop down with the push of a button.

The gurney made its journey down to the ground slowly, the chains taking forever it seemed to unroll but she stopped it a good three feet from the ground and let out a sigh of relief, she thought it was going to be too short.

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Sam quickly sank down and very carefully picked Dean up, hating the way Dean gasped as soon as he was touching him and the way he coughed blood.

Sam strapped Dean onto the gurney tightly making sure Dean couldn't move even if he tried and sat at the end and held onto the chain as Julie picked them up.

Sam took the paper out and held it up for Dean to see.

Dean read it after some harsh coughing and some shaking, and Sam had to wipe some blood from around his brothers eyes and face so he could see properly.

Dean read it and let himself collapse onto the gurney. The soft brown eyes reminded him of Sam's and Deans eyes filled with tears and he finally let himself cry with relief, he was safe, he was going to Bobby's, he was not going to die. Damn, he had been so close to.

Sam's body tightened so harshly for a second he thought he might snap. Watching Dean cry and not being able to talk to him was worse than anything he had ever had to do... or couldn't do.

He wiped Deans sweaty bloody hair back and kept brushing it back until they were all the way up.

Sam climbed into the helicopter then pulled the gurney in before shutting the sliding door like thing and strapping the gurney in so it wouldn't move.

"Alright Dean, we have some morphine here, do you want some?" Julie asked from in the front.

Dean shook his head no but one look at Julie told Sam to do it anyway.

Sam winced but picked up the needle.

Dean's arm tried to go up but it was strapped down again.

"Please, don't" he whispered, tears leaking from his eyes again.

Sam's eyes flickered to Dean's arm and was shocked to see a small bruise was there, like he had had an IV this whole time. He realized suddenly, Dean had.

He put the needle down slowly so Dean could watch then sat by Dean's head and began brushing his hair back like he had before.

Dean fell asleep instantly, exhaustion and pain taking over his body and as soon as he was asleep Sam injected it into his other arm.

Dean slept without so much as moving. They had a close call though when he started convulsing and Sam had to take his belt off and put it in Dean's mouth so he wouldn't bite his tongue off.

"What's wrong with him?" Sam yelled freaking out while Dean convulsed.

"Seizure, you didn't tell me Dean was epileptic." Julie said accusingly.

"He's not… or he wasn't… I didn't think he was!"

"Oh, medically induced seizures, they probably had him on the stuff all this time. He's probably going to be seizing for a long time."

"How can you be so calm?" Sam asked frantically.

"If you panic its worse, if he wakes up you have to show him its okay and your calm." She snapped.

He nodded quickly and held Dean's shoulders down.

Dean whimpered and cried in pain and Sam quickly pulled his hands off of his shoulders.

"What do I do? He's hurting all over! I can't hold him down!"

"Just leave him, don't touch him!"

Sam nodded and his hands ghosted over Deans body, begging to help him in some way.

The seizure stopped after five minutes and Dean lay still, gasping through his mouth like he was starved of air.

Sam swallowed thickly as he looked at his brother who had tears streaking out of the corners of his eyes.

By the time the tears were all the way down they were red from all of the blood covering Dean.

"I'm going to keep flying until we reach Bobby's okay? We have fuel in the back so we can just land and refill if we need to."

"Hurry, please." Sam whispered barely holding his tears back.

He had no right to cry, he had no right to even be Dean's brother.

Dean had gotten himself out, had fought this hard, and Sam couldn't do anything but give him a ride and watch as he had seizures and cried. He couldn't even tell Dean how brave he had been and how proud of him he was.

He squeezed his eyes shut but felt a traitorous tear roll down his face anyway.

"Sam, it's going to be okay, Bobby says the doctors there, one of the spare rooms are completely empty except for one clean bed, a bureau, a book case, and a butt load of doctors equipment. As soon as we get there Bobby, you, the doctor and I will carry him in, lay him on the bed and he will be fine."

Sam nodded though he doubted Dean would just magically be healed. Even if he was healed physically; mentally, he would never be the same.

He would never want to see Sam again, he knew it.

"Okay" Sam whispered.

The fly was quiet after that. Dean only had one more seizure in the hours and they only had to stop twice.

By the time they got to Bobby's auto yard it was morning.

As soon as they had landed Bobby and the doctor ran out and they unstrapped the gurney and Sam got it onto the ground.

"Oh god, my boy" Bobby whispered, hand over his mouth, eyes shining with tears.

"Not now Bobby, we need to get him inside and to the bed now." The doctor ordered.

Bobby Sam and the doctor lifted the gurney and Julie snapped the wheels up and they quickly carried Dean in.

Sam spouted what little he knew while Julie opened and closed the door for the men.

When they got to Dean's new room Julie popped the wheels back down and they leveled the gurney with the bed.

"Grab parts of the blanket, we're going to life him up and get him on the bed." The doctor barked.

Everyone lifted on the cue then settled Dean down.

"I need buckets of hot water, towels, hand towels, scissors, my glasses."

In seconds the glasses, towels, hand cloths, and scissors were given to him.

Bobby was filling up the tub with hot water and grabbing buckets.

The doctor ordered everyone out and Sam could just see the doctor cutting Dean's clothes off and Bobby setting two full buckets of water down before the door was closed in his face.

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The doctor threw the scraps of clothes on the floor and quickly dunked a towel in the water before squeezing the water out.

He took out his camera and took multiple pictures of Dean's naked body, all bloodied and beaten before beginning.

He would take pictures of everything before he worked or washed it, take pictures of it washed, then take pictures of it cleaned and fixed. It was doctors procedure.

He would start with the head.

He got his flash light, lifted one of Dean's eye lids and shined the light into the eye.

"Slight concussion, nothing too bad, it'll go away on its own." He said

Bobby quickly wrote that down and waited for instruction.

Deans body was literally covered in blood.

He wiped off Deans face completely then dropped the towel onto the bed and reset Dean's nose and put a bandage on it.

Bobby scribbled down broken nose- multiple breaks.

He checked the back of his head, noting the large bump and the cuts but it wasn't too bad so he left it for now.

Bobby wrote it down.

He checked Deans ears, seeing the blood dripping from them but there wasn't any permanent damage done to them so he moved on to his mouth.

He had bite marks on the inside, but no missing or broken teeth.

There were two long cuts on his face along with a littering of cuts but none were too serious or needed stitching.

He washed his neck carefully and saw a burn on it. He quickly put some salve on it before bandaging it up. There was a line around his neck like someone had strangled him.

Bobby was sure to right down burns on neck and strangulation.

"His shoulder was dislocated, looks like Dean popped it back in, I have to reset it though, it's not right, looks like he just threw it in, its slightly off. Gunshot wound in the same arm. stab wounds all over." He mumbled to himself.

He quickly had Bobby hold Dean down while he set his arm then washed it off completely.

He got out his sewing kit and his tweezers. He pulled the bullet out, made sure there were no bone fragments before he sewed his arm up.

"I want the IV set up now." He said to Bobby.

Bobby quickly set it up then started it and Dean's face went from one of pain to a dopy smile then just a peaceful one with no dreams or nightmares.

When his right arm was done and cleaned there was three bullet wound, a lot of slices that needed stitching, burns that needed dressing, stab wounds, bruises that he put some ointment on, and some welts but it wasn't too bad...

His other arm had four bullet wounds but more of less the same as the other.

His chest and torso were a bloody mess.

He got a new towel and quickly washed Dean of blood and began stitching immediately.

His stomach had deep slices, open wounds, many burns, a brand mark, four burns that looked like a poker had been pushed into him, and on his chest were deep scratches.

He sewed as fast and neat as he could.

His legs were bad. He had to completely reshatter his left leg and take out a bullet then sew it. He had stab wounds that were deep, places where the skinned seemed to be burned right off. He had cuts and scratches all over him.

On his other he was shot twice and stabbed once and everything else was the same.

When he was done with that he rebroke every finger and set them right then moved to his feet.

One foot was broken and he had to fix it; it seemed he had tried to walk at some point.

On both ankles and both wrists and across his waist, almost his hips were burned, almost chaffed and he suspected he was chained or tied down with cuffs.

He covered them with a salve before continuing.

"I need to turn him over to check out his back." The doctor said strategically.

Of course if he had said he need to turn his around to see his anus that wouldn't have gone over to well.

He already knew there was tearing, probably some internal bleeding, he would need to stitch him right now and make sure he didn't have an infection already.

"Can you go down stairs and boil five pots of water?" he asked calculating how much time he would need.

Bobby nodded and helped slowly flip Dean before running down to start boiling the water.

On Dean's back were crisscrossing scars everywhere like he had been whipped; he must have been flipped over at points.

He was thankful to any god at this point that they weren't thick scars or went so deep that they needed real medical help but he did have to stitch them all.

He washed Dean's back then butt glancing at the door worriedly.

He would do his back last he decided.

His anus was worse than he had planned and had to work extra carefully at the tearing.

He got down closer and moved as slowly yet quickly as possible. He just finished by the time Bobby busted through the door saying he had boiled eight pots of water.

Bobby looked at Dean's now clean back as he was beginning the stitches and his eyes filled and he quickly left the room again.

He sighed in relief and stitched Dean's back up before moving back down toward his butt.

He took his time and was careful while making sure he had gotten everything then called Bobby back in.

"I need some pads for his back, he can't lay on his front, we have to flip him over but I was something soft for his back." He said while wrapping gauze around his unconscious body.

Bobby nodded and ran from the room quickly.

Once Deans whole abdomen was covered tightly Bobby came in holding soft white padding.

They put it on the bed after turning Dean onto his side then laid him on it.

"Can I have another one?" he asked Bobby.

Bobby nodded and left the room and he quickly grabbed the gauze and very loose wrapped it around his anus.

He put two braces on Deans legs after wrapping them tightly and dressing each thing again, each one covered completely from thighs to toes in the gauze and braces then he wiggled the sweat pants onto him.

Bobby came back in with the second pad and he sent him to go fetch two of the pans of water.

He slid the pad under Dean's butt and made sure it was positioned okay and began dressing his arms when Bobby came back in.

He instructed him to dump the cold water into the tub and drain it and put the hot water in those buckets.

He had just finished completely wrapping Dean from head to toe on everything that needed and didn't need wrapping and taking the final pictures when there was a light knock.

"Yes?" the doctor called out.

"Is he, fixed?" Sam asked timidly poking his head through the door.

"Well, he's fixed, now he just has to heal. In the IV we have an anti convulsant and a heavy anesthesia to keep him pain free and asleep. I'll lessen his dosage when I'm done in here. He should wake up in a day or two."

"TWO DAYS?" Sam yelped scared.

"Sam, I don't think you understand, he has been tortured for six months, he has undergo some serious damage, and he has been having severe seizures since he got there. He needs to rest."

Sam swallowed thickly and nodded.

"I'm going to be feeding him through the IV for the next few days then we can start him on watered down broth. Maybe in a week after the broth we can go to toast."

Sam and Bobby both nodded listening intently.

"Also, if he starts having nightmares I have some tablets he can take before going to bed to give him restful, dreamless sleep, I don't want to have to knock him out every time he has to sleep.

I also want to make sure when he wakes up that everything feels right and there isn't anything wrong that we don't know about. Bobby has everything written down that happen to his front in case you need to go over it-"

"That happened to his front? What about his back?" Sam asked.

"Oh, I wasn't in the room, I was getting water…" he trailed off suddenly realizing they didn't need the water.

The doctor ignored them completely.

"I also-"

"Wait, what's up with his back?" Sam demanded looking between Dean the doctor then Bobby.

"Well he had many whip marks on the back of his legs and on his back."

"Oh, I'll write it in then." Sam said grabbing the pencil and writing that down along with burns on his back and scratches bruises and cuts.

He wasn't stupid.

"Why is he laying on two pads if he only needs one for his back?" Bobby asked casually.

"The support."

"Support my ass! Just tell me!" Bobby yelled getting frustrated.

The doctor was hiding something from him.

"Patient doctor confidentiality, I shouldn't have let you know any of this but I needed help. What I don't need help with is the least I can keep."

"Are you serious?" Bobby yelled

Dean flinched and ducked his head and everyone froze, including the doctor.

"He shouldn't be able to hear us…" Sam said trailing off.

"The yelling, there must have been yelling where he was, it probably got through to him."

Bobby looked like he had just accidently killed his kitten and he ducked his head in apology.

"Alright, finally, I don't want Sam in here at all for at least two week-"

"WHAT?" Sam asked, eyes flying around.

This time Bobby agreed with the doctor.

"Sam, you being here is only going to do far more bad than good." Bobby said softly.

"No, I'm not leaving his side. I'll leave when he wakes up but I'm staying now." He said firmly, clearly leaving no room for anyone to fight him on it.

The doctor nodded and Bobby slowly agree "but you have to leave if he even twitches. If he suddenly wakes up and see's you I don't know what he'll do."

"Alright!" Sam agreed before dropping down into the chair on the side of Deans head and brushing his fingers through his brothers still damp but clean hair.

The doctor and Bobby left and Sam finally let his tears fall.

He gently held Dean's bandages hand in his and squeezed it gently.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so, so sorry." He whispered

He lowered his head onto the mattress by Dean's head and let his sobs rack through him.

He glanced up and his eyes landed on the little book that Bobby and the doctor had both written in before leaving and he slowly stood up and grabbed it.

He sat in the chair holding Dean's hand while he read through the book, his body racked with sobs as he read on about everything that had been done to his big brother.

He had failed his brother worse than any other time.

He had let Dean down so horribly. Now Dean was paying for it.

Not only was Dean paying for it, but in his own way he was to. He wasn't allowed to see Dean for who knows how long, if ever.

Dean may never want to see Sam again. He wouldn't blame him, as he read on through the book his tears became more and more pained.

Dean had gone through so much, he would surely never look at him the same way.

If Sam's look alike really had done all of this to him, Dean would probably never truly feel comfortable around him, if he ever wanted to be around him.

Sam wouldn't fight him if he didn't want to be next to him ever again, he would let Dean call the shots. If he didn't want him he would leave, if he wanted him he would go to him.

But he would not force him into anything.

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Dean woke slowly, the first thing he heard was someone suddenly get up and fast footsteps away.

Then feet came rushing back.

"Dean, you with us boy?" came Bobby's voice.

He groaned and tried to sit up but Bobby quickly pushed him back down gently.

"You don't move boy, we got you this real cool bed that goes up and down, real cool." Bobby said before pushing a button.

Dean could feel his head slowly going up with his upper body and he groaned.

"What's wrong Dean?" Bobby asked stopping the bed where it was.

"My eyes, the light, its hurting my eyes-"

In a second the lights were snapped off.

Slowly, very slowly, he opened his sore eyes. It took much more effort than he wanted to admit but after a minute he slowly got them open.

He was obviously in Bobby's house, in a spare room.

Though it wasn't messy, it was empty except for the bureau, nightstand by the bed, IV stand, book shelf, and a small wooden stand with some medical things on it like pills, notes, a glass of water, bottles of things.

"Bobby? What happened?" he asked trying to remembered anything.

"You… don't remember?" Bobby asked slack jawed.

Suddenly, everything came back to Dean in vivid Technicolor and his eyes slammed shut and his body began convulsing.

"Okay, okay, Shh, Shh, it's okay, here, bite on this." Bobby said quickly grabbing the belt on the floor and putting it in Dean's mouth.

Dean bit it hard as his body convulsed on the slightly upright bed.

All sounds and thoughts left him but the slight sensations in his gut and head.

After six minutes of seizing on the bed Dean's arms went out like he was going to grab something to stand but Bobby quickly got him down.

Dean fought him a little and he knew Dean was confused and in pain.

"Hey, it's okay, calm down, calm down, here, Shh, its okay." Bobby soothed sitting on the edge of the bed by Dean's legs and holding his shoulders down with his hands, though gently.

Dean laid back onto the bed, panting and breathing raggedly.

"That's it, just breath." Bobby said quietly rubbing Dean's leg gently.

Dean grasped out with his hands again and Bobby took them and put them back down.

"Hey, your home, you're here, I'm here, you're safe, don't worry, its okay, its gonna be okay." Bobby whispered.

Dean went slack in Bobby's arms and he could feel him shaking as sobs ran through him.

"That's it, it's okay now, you're here, I'm here, you're not going anywhere, you're safe"

After a while Dean cried himself to sleep and Bobby put his bed back down.

"We should put him back on the anti convulsants for a while." Bobby said quietly.

The doctor nodded and pushed something into Dean's IV and Bobby sighed.

"When is he really gonna wake up?" Sam asked from his hiding spot in the door way.

"Well, it's only been three days, give it time."

"That's the fourth time I've had to run to get Bobby, he keeps waking up but when he wakes up he doesn't remember a thing about waking up at all."

"Give him time, his mind just has to catch up with him, he needs to slow down, take a rest. He should be able to hold a conversation in a day or two. But I still don't want you near him while he's awake."

"Come on, I've had to watch him from the doorway, its killing me!"

"No Sam, he reacts badly without you there, now imagine with you there?"

Sam sighed and sank back down into his chair.

"Julie and Castiel just got back with Dean's car, are you sure you don't want him in to see Dean?" the doctor asked.

"No" Sam ground out

"He could heel Dean completely-"

"No, Dean gets to decide if he wants Castiel to. He wasn't there for Dean just like I wasn't, if I can't see him while he's conscious, Castiel can't see him."

"But he could heel him!"

"NO! Dean needs these, what do you think is going to happen if he wakes up and is totally heeled? Besides wanting to kill anything in a five mile radius?"

"What do you mean he needs them?"

"I mean when Dean wakes up hes going to want to see what happened for himself, he's going to want to see what he went through, as reminders. It's something he does, looks at old scars." Sam grew quiet as his voice grew soft with tears.

Sam was to exhausted and didn't really have the heart to tell Bobby or the doctor that Cas had lost his healing abilities when he rebelled.

"Alright, we won't let him in, call us if Dean wakes again though." The doctor said.

Sam nodded and took Dean's hand again.

Everyone left and he could hear Julie and Castiel yelling that they wanted to go inside to see him.

"This is my house and I say no one goes in there unless I say so!" Bobby snapped before sitting down and drinking most likely.

Sam smiled softly and gave Dean's hand a light squeeze.

"Wake up Dean, please, wake up." He whispered, tears dripping onto Dean's bed.

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Sooo, i hoped you all liked it! Dean is finally back! Praise Jesus! But he's still not awake, awe! Anyway, please please REVIEW! I love you all! hope you like my story! Please dont leave any bad comments!

Thank you for reading! REVIEW!

So, i put Castiel in this (**spoiler**) because i don't like him dead but he isn't going to be in it for a while anymore, maybe i'll put him in later on. And this is Julie's last chapter im thinking but if you want to see more of her just tell me in a review!

I think i'll let you all know why Dean was kidnapped and what they wanted him to say yes to in a few chapters. THANK YOU FOR READING!


	5. Chapter 5

Warmth in the Winter

Chapter five:

I don't own anything, not the characters, setting, or anything!

{The Quotes will never have anything to actually do with the story, they are just there}

Quote: "When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car."

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Dean felt an awful sense of Déjà Vu when he woke up again.

Everything came rushing back to him of the previous times he had woken up and he groaned; both from pain and a bit from annoyance.

He heard the familiar footsteps running before he could open his eyes and then another set coming back with it.

"Lights" he mumbled trying to squint.

The lights were once again turned off for him and he slowly opened his eyes and tried sitting up.

"Okay, hang on, calm down, the bed moves, see?" Bobby said pushing a button to bring the bed up to a sitting position.

This time Dean didn't convulse or groan halfway through and he got to sit up, though the strange man stopped him from putting it all the way up saying something about sitting and Bobby nodded his understanding and had Dean lay slightly so he wasn't sitting.

Bobby's eyes were suddenly filled with tears at the mention of sitting and now that Dean thought of it his ass hurt rather bad.

He wiggled his butt a bit and his eyes flew open with tears and he bit his lip.

"Ouch" he whispered

"Alright, can you tell me what you remember, from the beginning?" the man who was obviously a doctor asked.

"Well, I think this all started in California. Sam, he started acting weird. He picked the hunts, like always, though he seemed more, I don't know, normal. He was just, regular. Then when we were in Pennsylvania I was looking up our hunt when I realized it was a fake hunt to get us to New York, so I looked into Sam's past history, and chunks were missing, like half of our hunts were fake and the others were real.

But, I noticed we were only going East. So when we were driving to New York I asked him about it, and he, he knocked me out while I was still driving on the high way. He must have pulled us over or something.

When I woke up, I was tied up with tape over my eyes, I didn't know where we were but it was quiet and I guessed New York.

Then, it was just, I, I was on a metal table in an empty room, and I didn't have clothes, and there were men, and I stayed there for months."

"Okay" the doctor quickly stepped in

Dean looked up and stopped himself from going down memory lane.

"Tell me about how you escaped; I understand you were chained down? One on each ankle and wrist and one across your stomach?"

"No, there were chains around each, cuffs around each, then they tied each one down because I had broken free before."

Bobby smiled real big, his heart bursting with pride. He had been tied down real good and still got out.

"Because I was restrained so much, I knew I would never be able to get out now, so I did what they do in Hollywood, Fake it Till you Make it."

"What do you mean?" Bobby asked before the doctor could.

"Well, they keep this gun under the table that I was on, so they can shoot me, well, I made myself start choking on my blood, it was in my mouth you see and i stopped myself from spitting it out for a few hours so it built up, and then I made myself start throwing up, and I was choking on it, so the guard on duty had to release my arms and let me sit up.

And since it was real I really was throwing up blood and shit, and then I pretending to be seizing and he turned around while I was flopping around and he grabbed the anesthetic to put me down but when he turned around I was holding the gun and pointing it at him."

Bobby smiled real proud and nodded his head at Dean, eyes shining with tears of pride.

"Alright, but how did you get away?"

"Well, I shot the, guard on duty, then I slammed my body down so my shoulder went back into place and I could move easier.

On the first day I knew there was a vent close to the floor so I took a plank of metal and a rod and tied it to my legs since I couldn't move them and then I slid into the vents."

"Didn't anyone notice you were gone?"

"Well they um, usually, took a while with me, and it was, um, normal to hear silence, or a gunshot, so it didn't really occur to someone to check."

Bobby's eyes filled again and he nodded his head.

"Well I got into the vents and dragged myself through them until I got to the right one that led outside. Then I let myself drop out of it, made it far enough away, then I hid in a log until the two men you sent found me and got me into the helicopter."

"The two men I sent you?" Bobby asked confused.

"Well the man and the woman. I don't know who they were, they were in masks and I was kinda out of it." Dean said apologetically.

"Oh, yeah, they owed me a favor. Keep going." Bobby said dismissively.

"That's it…" Dean said confused.

He had just said then he had gotten into the copter, maybe Bobby was still a little worked up about the whole thing; honestly, he was to.

"Alright, do you know about what was in all of the medications they gave you?" the doctor asked.

"Well, the first time I got something in the IV I had hallucinations, and I could (he swallowed thickly remembering) feel everything they were doing to me, it felt so real."

Dean seemed lost for a second before shaking himself and looking back up "And then I started convulsing, and falling asleep, and one time I was in pain, one time I was cold, and I felt like I was going to die."

"Alright Dean, thank you, you don't have to continue." The doctor said writing furiously.

Dean nodded and sat back slowly, wincing slightly but ignoring it best he could.

"I can give you something for the pain and keep you awake-"

"No, I'm fine." Dean answered before the doctor could even finish.

"Alright, if you want something for the pain there is a bottle on the nightstand with pain meds that won't make you sleep. Do you want something? We can bring you anything." The doctor said walking towards the door.

"Yeah could you, no, um, a glass of water?" he asked changing his mind.

"Sure, anything else?" Bobby asked eyeing Dean trying to figure out what he was going to ask for.

"No, that's it." Dean said quietly.

"Alright, I'll be back with it. Want me to lower your bed?" Bobby asked gently.

"No, I'm fine."

Bobby nodded and left the room with the doctor and Dean relaxed into the bed. He looked down at his arm and slowly touched the cool plastic and the tape. He let his finger run along the cool plastic tube but stopped when he couldn't reach anymore.

Dean looked up when he heard a noise outside his door but when he squinted he couldn't see anyone in the hall.

"Hello?" he yelled shrinking back against the bed and looking around for a weapon.

"Just me Dean." Bobby said walking in with a glass of water.

Dean relaxed hoping Bobby hadn't seen him and smiled as he took the glass and Bobby left slowly, maybe waiting for him to say something.

Once the door was almost closed, only left open a crack Dean set the glass down without touching it and he curled onto his side, silent sobs making his body shake.

His whole body hurt, his head hurt, his heart hurt.

If that hadn't been Sam, then where was he now? Sam had really turned on him, he had really done those things to him?

He flinched as he felt Sam's hands on him, one second beating him, another second ramming into him.

Dean's body contorted in pain and his sobs came harder, though just as silent.

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Sam sat in the doorway, hidden in the shadows and he let his tears fall freely as he watched Dean's body flinch and contort with the pain only he could see and feel.

He watched Dean's body shake with his silent sobs and he pressed the palm of his hand to his mouth and the other to his heart as he cried with his brother.

Sam sat with his brother in silence just as his brother was sitting in silence and cried with him for an hour before Dean fell asleep on his side, in obvious pain.

Sam slowly got out and gently pushed the door open.

He walked to Dean's side and carefully pushed him onto his back then lowered his bed down.

He sat by Dean, running one of his hands through Dean's hair and letting the other hold Dean's bandaged hand.

He sat in the chair until the sun was peaking and he knew Dean would be waking up and he needed some sleep.

He decided he would sleep while Dean slept from now on and stay awake while he was awake.

No matter how much he loved sitting here with his brother while he could; he needed to be there for him while he was awake; even if he didn't know it.

Sam slowly got up and walked out and sat down behind the door in the shadows.

Dean stirred shortly after the person holding his hand let go.

He looked around for the person who had sat with him through the night but no one was there.

"Hello?" he croaked out.

He looked around, realizing someone must have come in and put the bed down and moved him.

Bobby walked in before hello was all the way out and sat the bed up before holding the cup for Dean and putting it to his lips.

Dean sipped it slowly, he had to pull back three times because clear plain water tasted and felt weird going down his abused throat.

He was so used to the thickness of blood, the easy water almost made him puke, luckily, Bobby anticipated it and grabbed a bucket from beside the bed.

Dean put a hand up and one on his stomach but shook his head.

He waited another minute before relaxing again.

"Sorry, just not used to getting my liquid from a cup anymore." He said wincing slightly at his hoarse voice.

"Don't apologize boy, if you gotta throw up don't hold it in, let it out." Bobby said honestly.

Dean nodded his head but shook his head no to when the water was offered again.

"You feeling hungry? I have some broth you can try, it's been about five days since you've been back now."

Dean's eyes widened and he looked up at Bobby shocked.

"What's the date?" he asked.

"Um, January twelfth 2012, you're twenty nine in twelve days."

Dean scrubbed his face hard.

God, he had spent over half a year gone, he had just barely gotten out before his birthday, and honestly, he hadn't even remembered about that. He wouldn't even have known he was a year older had he still been in there.

"Okay, um, so, is there something you wanted or were you just checking in?" Dean asked rubbing his face again.

"Just checking in, do you want that broth?"

"No, not now, maybe later or tomorrow. I'm not in the mood for food right now." Dean said mostly honest.

Bobby nodded, his eyes showing how sad he truly was at the way Dean reacted to finding out the date.

Dean sat quietly as Bobby walked out and as soon as he was gone Dean grabbed the pills and threw them back without the water.

He forced himself to swallow them though it hurt his throat and after ten minutes he could feel its affect taking hold on him.

He could feel his body almost numbing over; damn these were good pills.

Once he couldn't feel anything he sat against the pillows and slowly brought his hand up to his face; staring at the white gauze before taking the tape off and unwrapping it.

Once all the gauze was off he stared at his almost purple hand.

It was completely bruised.

He slowly used his other hand; still wrapped to ghost the tips of his fingers over the bruising.

He gently pushed down onto his hand and when he didn't really feel anything he pushed harder. He felt a slight sting but that was all.

He slowly put his hand to his heart and pushed down hard; he was shocked to feel his necklace was gone and he began panicking.

Bobby quickly ran into the room and went to Dean's side.

"What is it?" he asked quickly.

"My necklace, where is it? It's not on me, where is it?" he asked, tears streaming down his face as he searched around him for it.

Bobby and Sam's mouth fell open. Dean had thrown that out a long time ago. Though Sam had saved it without Dean knowing.

"Oh, um, we took it off you, I'll go get it." Bobby said then left quickly.

Sam was already standing and pulling it out of his pocket when Bobby reached for it.

Sam dropped it into his hand and watched with tears dripping from his face as Dean visibly relaxed and pulled it over his head and slipped it under his shirt.

He pressed his bare hand to his shirt again and Dean's body began shaking with sobs and he pressed the cool metal of the necklace into his skin.

Sam's body shook as he watched Dean and a slow smile came to his face for the first time in a while.

Dean missed Sam, it was simple.

Bobby had tears in his eyes as he watched Dean clutch his necklace to his heart and he silently left the room giving the boys a moment; even if only one of them actually knew they were both there.

Sam leaned as close as he could and stared at Dean hard, willing him to look over. But Dean didn't, he just cried softly and held onto the necklace.

It didn't occur to him that he had thrown it out in a motel, or the fact that only Sam could have saved it, the only thing going through his head was that this little necklace seemed to make him feel better like it had so many times before.

Sam stayed with Dean until he fell asleep again and he quickly made himself a little bed and napped right there.

Sam woke with a start, it was pitch black around him.

He looked around, hand going to the gun he had tucked away in his jeans waistband and he stood quickly.

He crept into Dean's room to see what had woken him.

The bed was shaking and Dean was convulsing horribly on it.

Sam dropped his gun and ran to the bed; snapping his belt off in a second and clamping Dean's mouth shut around the worn leather.

He kneeled over his body, pinning his legs down between his own and holding his wrists above his head in one of his hands.

The seizure last over fifteen minutes, that Sam was sure of.

Dean was crying, tear streaking from his eyes, his body jerked harshly at points and just shook at others.

Sam was so scared; he had never been more scared in his life.

He held on though until Dean's shaking got slower and he started breathing roughly through his nose and mouth.

Sam slowly let Dean go and dropped down onto the floor and slid under the bed when Dean's eyes opened.

He grabbed his gun just as Dean sat up jerkily.

Bobby ran in, having heard the thump as Sam dropped to the ground and he quickly got Dean back in bed and grabbed the belt.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine, who was just in here?" Dean asked looking past Bobby to see out the door.

"Oh, probably just Jared, it looks like his belt." Bobby said lying on the spot.

"Jared who?" Dean asked confused.

"The boy who was there in the woods with you the night you were brought back here."

Dean nodded looking around "he just looked awfully familiar is all, never mind. Tell him thanks I guess"

"Thanks for what exactly?"

"Oh, I was um, having a pretty bad seizure I guess and he heard me or something; he came in and held me down and let me use his belt before taking off."

Sam grabbed Bobby's ankle and the man jumped back in shock but when he saw it was Sam hiding under the bed he almost laughed before realizing the situation.

"Why don't you go back to bed, I'll stay just outside incase it happens again."

"No, I think I'll stay up-"

"NO! I mean, you should sleep, you haven't been getting that much sleep lately and it's been a week since you've come back and, I'm not supposed to tell you this but…" Bobby trailed off worriedly and Dean glared at him.

"Well you're not just gonna say that then leave me hanging are you?" he asked though he was smiling slightly.

Bobby smiled slightly but sighed "Boy, tomorrow, I'm gonna come in here all serious and tell you something that is going to be real hard on ya okay? That's why you need to sleep. The doc wanted you to start eating before we told you but I feel wrong keeping it from ya and you deserve to know."

Now Dean was very serious "What's going on?"

"I promised the doc I wouldn't even tell ya that much unless he was here with you. I swear to ya boy I'll tell ya tomorrow, but only if you get some sleep, some heavy sleep with no dreams of seizures."

Dean swallowed nervously and looked at the three different pills on the nightstand that he was told to take if he was up to it.

He nodded after a second and swallowed them down without water.

Bobby nodded and helped him get settled back into his bed and he waited ten minutes after he was certain that Dean was asleep before he motioned for Sam to come out.

Sam slid out and stood up, sliding his gun back into his jeans.

They walked out and Bobby shut the door but left it a crack open before spinning on Sam

"You could have been there all night and morning!" he hissed.

"Yeah, but I was there for him when he needed help, and god dammit I would have stayed under there for a day if it meant I could help him again!" Sam hissed back, not caring how close he had come.

Bobby smiled after searching Sam's face and he nodded his approval and left Sam to get some sleep on the floor again.

Dean woke up very slowly, even though he had slept like a rock and hadn't woken up after the pills he still felt groggy and slow.

He shifted his arms and hissed when one of his hands hit the bed rail.

He looked at his bruised bare hand and remembered when he had unbandaged it that he hadn't put the bandages back on.

He quickly picked up the white bandage and put it on as tight as he could with his other wrapped hand.

It took him a while but finally he got it back on and he held the button to make him sit up more.

Once he was sitting up he cleared his throat several times trying to find if he could yell for Bobby and find out what he was talking about yesterday.

He didn't have to yell though, because Bobby walked right in with the doctor and a bowl of soup.

"Dean, Bobby told me about last night and how he promised you he would tell you what we haven't told you yet, except I declared you medically unfit to know, and he told me he would shoot me if I tried to keep something from you, so we came up with a compromise. If you can get down at least half of this bowl of watered down broth, then we will tell you."

Dean looked at them ridiculously.

"You're joking" he said looking between them looking for a nod or something.

Bobby grunted, a sour look on his face but the doctor stood firm; though he was the one threatened to be shot.

Dean grumbled about liars and how he had been promised if he took the pills he would be told and the doctor told him it wasn't Bobby's place to be making promises that he couldn't keep in the first place.

Dean slumped in his seat but allowed Bobby to set up a small tray on his lap and place the bowl onto it.

He was handed a spoon and Bobby and the doctor stood there staring at him.

"I can't eat with everyone staring at me like vultures! It's like trying to pee on a stage in front of people!"

Bobby smiled down at the boy and thumped the doctor on the back with his hand and they walked out, leaving the door open a crack after they left.

Dean looked at the broth; it was very watered down but not enough where he couldn't smell the broth.

He slowly turned the contents before tentatively putting the spoon to his mouth and sniffing; he never liked broth, he usually made himself Chef Boyardee when he was sick.

He looked around the room for a place to dump some of this but there was no place close enough.

He slowly poked his tongue out and touched the tip of it to the liquid before swallowing the single drop.

It wasn't bad, kind of like soup, but without the chunks in it, and a lot more water.

Basically, like someone spilled soup in their water; disgusting.

He wanted a god damn bacon onion cheeseburger; and fucking now.

He sighed then breathed in and his eyes snapped to the door.

He knew that smell.

His stomach grumbled and he breathed in deeply again. Jesus is merciful! There it was, a god damn bacon onion cheeseburger, sitting in the doorway.

He watched as a stick was used to push the cheeseburger on a plate into the room then the stick disapeared.

On the plate, beside the burger, was a little bit of Chef Boyardee ravioli, just what he used to eat when he was a kid; good ol Bobby came through for him.

He was about to call for someone to bring it to him when he remembered he wasn't supposed to be eating hard food yet. Was this a test of his will power and strength? Because it was a stupid one. Of course he was going to go for the burger, even if he would throw it up later, it would be worth it.

He slowly, and boy did he mean slowly, get out of bed.

First he slid his legs to the side and let his feet touched the floor and he sat like that panting for a while.

He froze when the plate was pulled back outside and he nearly cried when he lost site of it.

He nearly cried though when he saw the plate come rolling in on a little tray with wheels.

He watched as it was slowly pushed into the room as far as the stick could go, then the stick gave it a big push and it rolled right to his feet.

He bent down, wincing but he didn't care, gripped the handles in his mitten like bandaged hands, then hoisted it up.

He breathed in the scent and let a slow easy smile roll onto his face.

He pressed down on his necklace for a second before taking the spoon and pushing the tray to the end of the bed.

He had always been a fast healer, and he had never, ever followed the doctors orders even if he agreed with them, Winchester pride and defiance; and he loved it.

He took a bite of the ravioli and his stomach flopped a few times before he got used to it.

He breathed in the scent greedily and slowly ate the rest of the ravioli followed by a few bites of the sandwhich before he was full and sated.

Damn, just like he remembered.

The doctor walked in smiling then his face dropped to a look as if he had watched someone stabbing his puppy.

"Where did you get that?" he demanded

"I don't know, god sent it down as a heavenly gift on wheels. Damn it was good to." He said smiling and rubbing his stomach.

"You ate it?" the doctor asked shocked.

"Of course, I ate all of the ravioli and a quarter of the sandwhich, I'm saving the rest for later."

"Damn Bobby Singer, I'll kill him! He's going to fast on you! You need time to heal, to adjust."

"Man I've gotten shot and stabbed more times than I can count on all my broken fingers, physically, with the pain meds, I feel fine."

The doctor ground his teeth together before yelling for Bobby.

Bobby ran threw the door panting "What?" he asked quickly

"I told you no hard food!" he snapped pointing to the plate with ravioli sauce all over it and the sandewhich with distinct bite marks.

"You ate all that boy?" Bobby asked completely ignoring the doctor and coming to look the plate over.

"Sure did, told you, I could probably leave this bed today to-"

"One of your legs was completely shattered, you arent leaving that bed for at least a month!" the doctor cut in.

Dean rolled his eyes with Bobby and he smiled up at the old man.

"Thanks for the foor man, I could even stand the smell of the grandma soup."

"I didn't bring you the food." Bobby said confused.

The doctor looked at him shocked before both of their faces turned into a different expression.

Bobby's face was a large smirk and the doctors clearly said he was unamused.

"It was Jared, he must have been listening when I was talking about what you liked. He said he was running out for something, why that son of a bitch, I knew I liked that kid." Boby said smirking harder.

The doctor just grumbled something about going to talk to Jared and left.

Bobby took the tray with soup away then set the one with the sandwhich onto the floor after rewrapping it.

He sat on the edge of the bed and Dean smiled excitedly "So, are you going to tell me now?" he asked.

Bobby quickly became serious and nervouse and Dean growled.

"Come on, you cant keep it from me for the whole next month while I'm in bed, I'll get up right now and tear this house apart until I find what you and the doc are hiding from me!" he threatened.

Bobby rubbed his face, knowing Dean wasn't kidding either.

He had just eaten a hard meal when he was supposed to be on a liquid diet for now; he didn't doubt Dean could heal fast, you kind of had to with his job, but he hadnt expected him to be recuperating this fast; or getting his passion for things back this fast.

"You know I would tell you anything boy, its just, there are some things that are better to be patient with. I know you're healing real nice on the outside, but, boy, how ya doing mentally? You cant just be all happy dandy like you show."

Dean shut up real fast at the change of topic.

"I'm fine" he ground out after a second.

"You see, that's exactly how I know you arent, and damn it we cant get a therapist because there's no way to tell them that demons, skin walkers, vampires, shape shifters, and supernatural creatures kidnapped you, tortured you for a months, then you didn't go to the hospital or police."

Dean growled at the world therapist, not liking it one bit but knowing he couldn't go to one because he would just have to lie the whole time, and then there wouldn't be any point to it.

"I'm fine, I'm not going to fall apart at the seams, as soon as I heal I'll get back on the road and start hunting again. No big deal, I cant wallow in self pity, I don't have time for it. The apocalypse might be over, but there are a hell of a lot more things that need to be killed."

"You know how else I know you're not okay?" Bobby said, his eyes flaring.

Dean's eyes hardened into green steel and he taunted Bobby to say his name.

Bobby was about to yell when the doctor ran and and quickly pushed Bobby out.

Dean sat back, face set in a stony glare and he crossed his arms over his chest, wincing slightly but ignoring it.

He knew he must look stupid, considering his arms couldn't really bend and they were in braces but he didn't care.

Winchester pride and defiance rearing its head up and making a presence once again.

Dean sat alone in his room, going crazy trying to figure out what that noise in the hall was.

It sounded like tapping; but maybe it was wood taping wood?

He wasn't positive but it almost sounded like "Some Kind of Monster", the song that he used to hum when he was scared or needed to calm down.

He rested his head back and just listened to the soft tapping until his eyes drooped then finally slid shut.

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Sam sat outside, the little wooden block in his fingers that he had gotten from Julie from before she left to go back home; tapping it on the floor outside Dean's door.

He was tapping a Metallica song, the same song he had hummed when they were on one of the very few plane rides Dean had ever been on.

He knew he also hummed Smoke on the Water when trying to get kids to sleep but he figured this was better for the situation.

Once he was sure Dean was asleep he quietly made his way down the stairs and into the kitchen where Bobby and the doctor were arguing quietly.

"You! How could you have given him food?" the doctor snapped once he saw Sam.

"Shhh!" Sam hissed pointing above him towards the ceiling.

"What?" Bobby asked quickly.

"I just got him to sleep, and I need to hear if something happens, with you two idiots fighting down here I cant even hear myself think up there." He snapped before grabbing a soda and walking back up the stairs.

The two men watched in awe and sympathy as Sam made his way back up the steps to sit in front of the door to watch Dean.

The poor guy had gotten less sleep than any of them. Opting to stay up and watch Dean while he was awake, and watching him in his sleep. He only slept when Dean napped during the day.

He had taken it upon himself to watch Dean at all times. Everyone knew he felt responsible for what had happened, and even though both Bobby, the doctor, even Julie had told him over and over that it hadn't been his fault, and he even knew that he couldn't have stopped it, known it was going to happen, and kill the vampire all at the same time... but still.

Sam sat down, ready to jump up at a notice cause while sipping his soda; he was beat, but he down right refused to leave Dean alone.

_Thank god for Winchester pride and defiance_ he thought.

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Well there goes another chapter! I really hope you all like it so far, please, please, please review and tell me what you think!

I didn't actually use a song but the song Sam was tapping was "Some Kind of Monster" by "Metallica" its the same song Dean hums on the plane while in season one episode four "phantom traveler".

PLEASE REVIEW!

I love you all!

So, i know Dean gets rid of his necklace and i don't actually think Sam saved it, but come on, Dean isn't Dean without his amulet. And i love it too much to just let it go. So now Dean has it again!


	6. Chapter 6

Warmth in the Winter

Chapter six:

I don't own anything, not the characters, the setting, or anything.

{The Quotes will never have anything to actually do with the story, they are just there}

Quote: "Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."

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Bobby watched as Sam soothed Dean's still sleeping form from the doorway.

He had woken up to a thump and knew without a second's hesitation Sam was either the thump or Sam was in the room helping with whatever needed to be done.

A pill bottle being knocked off of the night stand was the cause of the thump; Deans arms had been flaring around but Sam quickly restrained Dean with one hand and made soothing noises while brushing his hair back with his free hand.

Once Dean was back to sleep Sam set his arms down by his sides and sat by him, holding his hand and humming a song he had never heard before quietly.

Dean settled down into sleep and Sam slowly got up from his chair, reluctantly letting go of Dean's hand and walking sadly back towards the door.

He wasn't shocked to see Bobby; he just passed him and sat back down onto the floor.

"Hey, with time, just give it some time." Bobby said quietly, patting Sam's shoulder before walking back towards his room.

He sank down into his bed and rolled onto his side; he hoped with everything he had Dean wouldn't turn Sam out forever once he learned about his presence, Sam wouldn't be able to take it if Dean didn't want to see him ever again.

He wouldn't blame Dean, and he wouldn't try to change his mind, he couldn't imagine being tortured and raped many times by his baby brother that he loved with his whole being, Dean had to be messed up about it.

And the fact that Dean hadn't so much as mentioned Sam's existence once proved it.

He was blocking Sam out as if he had never even been there.

This could only end one of two ways.

Dean slowly let Sam back in, or he refused to see him ever again.

He just hoped it was the first.

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Dean woke with a start, reaching out for someone but when he opened his eyes, no one was there.

He looked around; he knew there had been someone there before. Someone had hummed to him, he knew it, or perhaps he had been dreaming… right; that was a definite possibility.

He sank back down and held the button to lift him up into a sitting position, feeling something under his blankets with him.

He lifted the blanket and smiled down at the granola bar before looking around then unwrapping it.

This Jared guy was quickly winning his friendship.

He ate it in small bites, not wanted to upset his stomach and once he was done with it he proudly put the wrapped on the top of his white blankets for all to see.

About two seconds after he placed the wrapped down and was leaning back the doctor walked in smiling then he frowned and began muttering under his breath when he saw the granola bar.

Bobby walked in after him then laughed when he saw the bar.

"That son of a bitch did it again." He said smirking at Dean then taking the wrapper.

"So, I take it you ate that whole thing?" the doctor asked.

"Sure did, I can tie my own shoes to." He said smirking.

"Alright, I suppose after you get down a little lunch we can tell you, then let you sleep on the information we give you." He said sighing and shaking his head.

"Wait, you're going to tell me?" he asked sobering up quickly.

"Well, the deal was you had to eat, and you've eaten plenty, and you've kept it all down. So, how about after dinner? After dinner, when you're tucked in nice and tight with Bobby and I watching closely, we will tell you what we have been hiding."

"Okay, but, am I going to seizure because of it?" Dean asked worriedly.

"I don't know, so why don't you take your pills with your dinner just to be on the safe side."

"Fine, but don't think I'm doing this because you said to, I'm doing it because I don't want to seizure two seconds after I learned the big secret." He said quickly

"I know, you can't listen to me, oh no!" the doctor said sarcastically before checking Dean over and deciding he could take his newly set shoulder out of the cast and wrap it up with some bandages and put it in a sling.

"Really?" he asked quickly.

The doctor nodded, scribbling something down in the little notebook that he or Bobby always had.

He could tell there were some pictures sticking out of it, well, not some, it looked like a thick pile, but he couldn't see from his spot on the bed.

"And we might be able to put you into a different brace for the leg that was just shot a few times, the one that was shattered can't be moved yet though; sorry."

"No its fine, I just learned I am getting out of two casts already, and it's only been a week and a half!"

"Are you trying to change my mind?" the doctor asked glaring slightly but there was no heat behind it; obviously Bobby or Jared had told him to speed up the healing process.

The name Jared sounded so familiar, he was so close to putting a name with a face but he was always interrupted.

"Dean! I heard the good news! One sling and possibly no cast!" Bobby said walking into the room with scissors, gauze, medical tape, a sling, a jar of something, and other things.

He nodded his head enthusiastically and laid back as the doctor pressed the button to have the bed go down.

"I'm going to start with your leg first alright?" the doctor asked.

"Yeah sure, go ahead." Dean said honestly happy.

The doctor snorted but cut the sweat pants off of Dean and pulled the trashed article of clothing away and dropping it on the floor.

He was going to run out of sweat pants if he kept cutting him out of them. He thought on the side but smiled softly.

Even though he had no pants on, it looked like he was wearing white skinny jeans with black braces over them.

He was still totally covered.

The doctor slowly snapped the brace off before cutting the gauze away. Being careful for when it stuck to him or he saw a lot of blood.

"Alright, I'm just going to wash your leg off again, check to see if everything is healing right, then I'll make my decision."

Dean nodded and closed his eyes.

He knew for a fact that the doc had slipped some pain meds into his IV because he was totally numb.

He could hardly feel them wiping his leg down with towels, even though the touches were feather light anyway.

Once his leg was cleaned off the doc checked it, front and back before wrapping some sewed up spots he still wanted covered after rubbing some clear goo on it.

After he wrapped everything that he deemed needed to be wrapped and salved, he was declared okay for no cast or brace but he still wasn't allowed to walk on this leg for another week or two, though he tried to tell him he had gotten a lot worse than some bullets and stab wound before and walked to the car carrying … then driving back to the motel and fixing himself and … up before drinking a bottle of Jack and passing out.

"Alright, let's check out that arm, you haven't been moving it have you?"

"Other than in my dream and while I'm seizing nope; I eat with my other hand and I haven't done anything else."

"Alright, that's not too bad." The doctor said cutting off the plain white shirt and slowly unbandaging his arm.

He put salve on different things, then wrapped it up and slipped the sling around his head.

The sling was tightened until he couldn't move his arm and then the doctor stood back examining his work.

"Does anything hurt?" he asked checking his other arm before seeming to make a decision and grabbing the scissors again.

He took his cast off then cut the bandages and looked over the gun shots wounds and deep slices.

"Alright, I'm going to wrap this arm but no cast either. Don't move any part of your body too much for the next week or two."

"Alright, you've got my word, Winchester pride put aside." Dean said happily.

His limbs could finally breathe again, though they were each wrapped tightly in gauze, one in a sling and one in a cast that was like metal plates and bolts holding his leg still.

He looked around at the two other men and looked at them expectantly.

"No Dean, not until you've had dinner." Bobby said rolling his eyes but smiling.

"It's not my fault, I'm going crazy sitting in this bed and sleeping. The only thing I can do is try to figure out the secret and it's impossible when I don't even have one lead."

"Well then, you're lucky we're telling you tonight then; but I'll bring in a TV and movies and put some books by your bed." Bobby said walking out carrying some scraps of clothing and gauze.

The doctor grabbed another pair of sweat pants and a t shirt and set them down onto his bed.

"Now that Bobby's gone, I need to ask you more personal question." The doctor said quietly.

Dean's eyes widened and he swallowed nervously.

"What kind of questions?" he asked

"I need you to be one hundred percent honest with me, I know it will seem awkward, but I need to know the answers alright?"

Dean nodded scared and shifted a little.

"I need you to tell me exactly what kind of sexual abuse you went through while there."

Dean began shaking slightly but it wasn't from a seizure.

"I- I don't want talk about it." He said quietly, turning his face to the side so he was staring at the door and not at the doctor.

"I know you don't, but you have to tell me, I just want to help, but I don't know what happened. I swear I won't tell anyone else; including Bobby unless you give me the okay."

Dean didn't make any indication that he had heard, the only thing that let the doctor know he was still listening was because his chin began shaking like his was about to cry.

Sam wasn't sure why he suddenly felt the urge to pound into the doctor with his fists, or maybe a gun, but he had the feeling it was because of their topic.

How dare he ask Dean a question like that? Couldn't he see he was hurting still?

I mean god damn he was about to cry!

Sam's hands twitched slightly and he felt another sudden urge to go to Dean and comfort him.

"I, I was raped…" Dean whispered.

"Alright, do you know how many times? And by how many different people?" the doctor asked, detaching his emotions and going into doctor mode, writing everything down.

Dean laughed humorlessly "Well, I think there were only about twenty different men, if that helps."

The doctor quickly wrote down the number and watched Dean.

"And, I was either raped or" Dean swallowed and looked hard at the door, his eyes shining with tears that he downright refused to let fall.

"or more than one would come in" he finished.

"And they only penetrated you with their penis'?" he asked scribbling furiously.

"No" he whispered looking down quickly.

The doctor stopped and looked up "oh, do you know what else they used?"

"Does it matter, you know enough; just go."

"Well, when I looked you over, I notice horrible tearing, was one of the objects something large?"

Dean nodded, fighting the tears hard, his shoulder's shaking slightly.

"And was one of the objects a knife?"

Dean's shoulders shook harder and he didn't answer but the doctor knew by his reaction that there had been a knife inserted in him.

Sam's shoulder's shook as hard as Dean's as he listened.

They had put a knife in him, they had gang raped him, raped him, put things in him.

Sam leaned against the doorframe in the shadows and listened carefully.

"Dean, I can put you under if you'd like, but I need to check you."

Dean's shoulder's shook harder and he nodded.

"You want me to put you under?" he clarified.

Dean nodded and the doctor picked up a syringe looking object then inserted it into his IV tube and had Dean lie on his stomach while he was still conscious.

Dean winced every time he had to move.

The doctor very carefully turned his leg for him and helped him get settled down before Dean's eyes slid shut and he dropped down onto the bed, completely out.

The doctor inserted some pain medicine into it next and waited ten minutes before taking the scissors and cutting off all of the gauze that had been covering his whole lower area.

He dropped it onto the floor, not liking but not too worried about the blood on the bandages.

He carefully checked him over, stitching up some tearing that he hadn't been able to get to while they were still so raw the other day.

He made sure to check inside for internal tearing but he figured the knife must have been thin and not too long because the damage didn't go too far up... or it was somehow healed but he doubted that.

It still took him a little over an hour to do his best as he could to get Dean's back side up to par and as good as he could get it.

He knew that after at least six months he would be looking a lot better but mentally, he wasn't sure if he would ever actually heal.

Being a hunter, there was no healing time, there was pouring whiskey over your cuts, then taking a swig before planning on which hunt to do next.

He quickly finished up, pulled his gloves off and dropped them into the barrel before washing his hands in the little bathroom that was attached to Dean's room.

He walked to the door to see Sam napping against the door frame, his face was still wet with tears and he decided not to wake him for help.

He pulled a blanket over Deans still naked and bandaged form and tucked it in tightly so he wouldn't be able to move at all in his sleep.

He left the room quietly, tapping Sam on the shoulder and nodding when he looked up before leaving them.

Sam slowly got up and wiped his face. He hadn't decided to sleep, he just couldn't watch what the doctor was going to do so he was focused on watching Dean's sleeping face, but he soon fell asleep from exhaustion.

He slipped into the room and sat in the chair by Dean's head and help his newly bandaged hand.

"God Dean, please, I'm sorry." He whispered holding his hand in his tighter.

Sam slept for a few more hours before Bobby came in telling him Dean was going to wake up soon and he left while the doctor changed his IV bag.

He made two sandwiches and put one on a plate and set it on Dean's night stand before sitting in the doorway like he had the last week and a half.

Dean woke ten minutes later feeling groggy and his butt hurt slightly but he ignored it so he wouldn't call attention to that part of his body in front of Bobby and Jared who was most likely hiding somewhere.

He looked around and spotted the sandwich on the nightstand and slowly picked it up with his bulky hands.

Obviously the doc had rewrapped them while he slept.

He set it on his lap and was shocked to feel the plate land directly onto his lap; directly.

He quickly put the plate back down onto the nightstand and peeked under the blankets before slamming them back down and looking around shocked.

"Yo, could you two old men get out or help me put some clothes on?" he hissed.

The doc didn't look shocked or surprised but Bobby certainly did.

"He's not dressed? Why?"

"Well I couldn't dress him while he was unconscious on my own." The doc says simply before grabbing a pair of large sweat pants and a baggy shirt.

"Here, Bobby why don't you leave and I'll help Dean into them, I'm sure he isn't comfortable with people around while he is in this state of undress."

Bobby nodded slowly, suspiciously, but left anyway.

Dean let the blanket drop from his chin to just cover his lap and the doc set the two articles down and coming to stand by Dean.

"Would you like more pain medication? I know it might have worn off and your underside might be uncomfortable for the next few weeks."

Dean shook his head no and the doc helped him get his shirt on first.

"Alright, I'm going to pull it up your legs and when I get to your butt do you think you can lift your hips or should I call Bobby?"

"I can lift my god damn ass on my own." He bit out.

The doc nodded and slowly pulled the baggy pants on him and once he got to his midsection Dean used all of his strength to lift himself for a few seconds with one arm before collapsing onto the bed.

"Relax now, I don't want any more strain on that arm." The doctor said before leaving the room.

Dean grumbled but grabbed the plate again and took a small bite before sipping the glass of water.

It took him an hour but he ate the whole sandwich and he could almost see a smile coming through the door and at him from someone.

He strained himself and leaned forward, squinting his eyes and peering as best as he could into the doorway.

He could hear footsteps retreating back and he growled and flopped back down onto his bed.

Damn Jared hiding from him.

He pondered that name for a second. Why did it sound so familiar?

Something like Padalecki?

He scratched his head with one of his mitten like hands and closed his eyes.

Who was Jared Padalecki? He growled in frustration and slammed his fist down on the nightstand.

He quickly pulled his hand to his chest at the burning feeling of his fingers being jostled and he swore.

Great, if he screwed his fingers up again the doctor would kill him.

He put his hand down and peered over the edge of the bed and at the floor where some papers had fallen from his bout of frustration.

He turned his head and looked at them and was shocked to see one of them was a picture of Dean and Sam, taken last year.

They had been working on the car when Bobby came out with a camera.

Dean had wrapped an arm around Sam's waist when he started protesting and smiled wide at the camera while tickling Sam's sides.

Sam had on a huge smile as he laughed hysterically and the sun had been hitting it so right that it was right behind them, making them and the impala have a sort of halo behind them, or a glow.

Dean realized Bobby must have been holding the picture while sitting in the chair by his head and crying from old memories.

He knew someone sat there, and once or twice he knew they had cried.

He quickly looked away and could feel his body being racked with shakes as the familiar feeling came up from his stomach.

"B-" he went to yell out but he couldn't make another sound as his eyes rolled halfway back and he slipped down the bed and began convulsing.

In less than a second he heard feet running from his door then two sets coming back.

Bobby ran in but no one else was in sight.

Dean stared up at Bobby with half rolled back eyes but couldn't see anything really.

"Damn boy I need to get you a button or something, I'm losing weight running up these stairs." He joked while restraining him.

Sam's hands scratched at the floor with the impulse to run in and soothe his brother like he had so many times.

He had been trying to see what Dean was staring at before he was seizing but it was on the floor and impossible to see from the doorway.

He laid flat on his stomach knowing Dean couldn't see anything anyway and slid into the room.

He squinted and saw it was a photo of him and Dean taken a year ago.

Sam's eyes filled with tears that began dripping instantly and he quickly scurried out.

Dean couldn't even look at a picture of him without getting scared and seizing; how was he supposed to let Dean know he was living in the same house as him?

It took ten minutes for Dean to calm down and even then he was still convulsing slightly on the bed.

The doctor had to come in and hold down his legs while Dean bit onto the all too familiar belt and Bobby held his arms.

It took another ten minutes until Dean started gasping through his nose and mouth and the doctor and Bobby relaxed.

"Whoa! Come down, relax, sit down, stay here!" Bobby said fighting Dean to keep him laying down.

"It's okay, relax." He shushed holding his chest down onto the mattress.

Dean's eyes and head were moving around a mile a minute before he slowly collapsed onto the bed and groaned.

"I want to be left alone" he whispered brokenly.

"Alright Dean, but first can you tell me what happened? You haven't seized in a while-"

The doctor broke off when he saw the picture on the floor and he picked it up.

"Were you looking at this? Is that what happened? You got scared when you saw him?" the doctor asked getting increasingly more worried.

Dean didn't say anything; he just whimpered and moaned in pain, holding his head in his hands as tears streaked quickly down his face.

"Alright, we'll go, I'll leave the picture on the nightstand. If you don't want to look at it just throw it under the bed." The doctor said before leaving with Bobby.

"Watch him" the doctor said to Sam once the door was only left open a crack.

Sam nodded, though he didn't have to be told, he would have anyway.

Sam sat as close to the opening as he could without being able to be seen and watched Dean closely.

For an hour he didn't do anything but whimper and push his hand hard into his chest, like his heart was hurting.

Finally, after an hour he rolled over so he was on his side, his arms were out and in front of him so he wasn't on them and he wiped his face while slowly looking up at the night stand.

Dean flinched when he saw Sam and quickly slashed the picture off of the nightstand so it slowly floated to the floor and slid perfectly under the bed.

Sam flinched at the pain and hurt on Dean's face and knew, Dean would never forgive him, and would never want him.

He slumped slightly but didn't stop watching Dean.

After another three hours Sam would have sworn Dean was asleep since his eyes had been closed but he slowly opened his eyes and reached his hand out so it rested where the picture had.

He dragged himself so he was sitting upright though the bed was flat and he ground his teeth together so hard Sam could hear it.

He laid across the bed the short way and let his torso and arms fall over the side of the bed.

He looked under the bed, one arm hanging weirdly in the sling and still not moving around (which was a miracle in itself) and Dean's other arm reached around the floor blindly for the photo.

Damn him for dropping it, damn gravity for making it fall, damn wind for putting it out of his reach, damn life for being so cold and heartless.

It took him a second to realize he was slipping and panic rose in him faster than he planned on.

He slipped faster when he tried to wriggle up again and he closed his eyes waiting for impact but it never came.

To strong hand were holding his sides.

He held his breath as he felt one hand leave and pick up a black slip of paper then set it down before going back to him. He was slowly hoisted upright then laid down flat on his back so he was staring straight up at the ceiling.

He didn't get a second to even turn his head to the side to see who it was that had saved him from colliding with the floor and possibly cracking his head and getting him the picture before they were walking out and letting the door slide almost closed behind him.

"Damn it!" he swore hitting the mattress with both of his fists before swearing again.

He looked at the nightstand and grabbed the picture and slid it under the covers. He laid down and held the picture on his chest and let his eyes slide closed.

The doctor walked in and he was honestly surprised to see the picture on Dean's chest under his clasped hands; right over his necklace and heart.

He had thought Sam had told him that he had thrown it to the ground; had he picked it up?

He stopped the IV, deciding he would tell Dean today because of his improvement with the picture.

Dean groaned a bit and his eyes slowly opened.

"How you feeling today Dean?" the doctor asked.

Dean held the button until he was sitting up then rubbed his face with one hand.

"Better than yesterday, my ass still hurts, but my arm in the sling; I can hardly feel the pain anymore."

"I'm sure, but I still don't want you moving it too much, I actually want you to heal right."

Dean grumbled and leaned back frowning.

"But, I couldn't help but notice you were holding your necklace and picture this morning…" he hedged.

Dean's eyes snapped up to glare murderously at him and he quickly backed up a step. Even in this state, he didn't doubt Dean could seriously hurt or kill him if provoked.

"Did you need anything?" he snapped.

"Well, because I saw you have been making so much progress recently and it has been almost two weeks I decided we would tell you after dinner tonight what has been being kept from you."

Dean tried hard not to look interested or excited but he knew the doctor spotted it because he smiled and left Dean after a few quick words.

Dean leaned back and smiled at the wall; he was finally going to learn what the big secret was.

He chanced a glance down at the picture in his hands and involuntarily flinched.

He knew this guy in the picture hadn't actually been the one to do anything, and he knew he had killed Sam; had shot him in the heart then stole his clothes; left him naked and dead.

But looking at his face; he could practically see his twisted smile as he rammed into him; could almost feel his hands running all over his bruised and bloody body while he screamed and cried.

He flinched again and grit his teeth when he felt the sinking feeling in his gut.

He whirled around when he heard a noise at the door and then flinched when he heard a bang downstairs.

He was back; he was here. How had he found him? He had killed him! He was here, he was going to kill him, he would kill Bobby and the annoying doctor, he was going to bring him back to the metal place-

His began wheezing and his chest tightened horribly.

He couldn't breathe, he couldn't see, he knew he was shaking, this wasn't like his usual seizures, he couldn't breathe and he could feel it.

He would not seizure, he would not seizure, he would not seizure, he would not seizure, he would no-

He clamped his teeth down when his body started shaking and his eyes rolled halfway back into his head.

His body jerked around and in seconds hands were holding him down; though he couldn't feel them.

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Sam looked on from the doorway anxiously.

Something wasn't right about this seizure, something was wrong.

"Something's wrong! Something's not right, you need to help him!" he said urgently to the doctor.

"It's just a seizure Sam, its okay-"

"No, something's not right!" he insisted, pulling at his hair frustrated.

"Sam-"

Dean let out a strangled sob and the doctors head snapped around to stare at Dean before he rushed to his IV and quickly set something and inserted a syringe into the tube.

He rushed around, taking his pulse, making Bobby help him; they took out an oxygen mask at one point with the instructions "if it takes longer than fifty seconds for him to breath put this on him" then began rushing around again.

Sam pulled at his hair harder, nearly crying from needing to do something but not being able to.

Dean was turning blue and Bobby held him down harder and pressed the mask to him and forced him to take breaths while the doctor inserted something else into his IV bag.

After twenty minutes Dean passed out, mask still on, not even twitching.

"What the hell was that?" Sam demanded running from the door and smoothing Dean's hair, rubbing his arms, holding a hand, stroking his face, petting his hair; making as much contact with his brother as possible.

"He stopped breathing, I think he was having a panic attack and then he started having a seizure, and its normal to stop breathing while having a seizure; that's why you turn blue and shake some; but he was also in a panic, and I think he may have been choking; with the way he was coughing before he stopped breathing."

"Why couldn't he breathe?" Sam asked panicked not really listening and just making sure he was breathing.

"Sam, he was having a panic attack-"

"Why couldn't he breathe?" he snapped; holding one hand on Dean's pulse point to make sure he was still alive.

The doctor excused himself for a second knowing Sam wasn't really listening and Bobby collapsed into a chair next to Dean's bed and across from Sam's chair.

"Boy, you okay?" Bobby asked.

"He doesn't breath while seizing?" he asked panicked again.

"Well he obviously breathes, just, well that's why he gasps after; because he's trying to take in air again."

Sam nodded, shaking slightly as he sunk down into a chair and held Deans hand, making sure his fingers were over his pulse at the underside of his wrist.

"Sam, he's going to be fine; he just needed a little help breathing this time."

"But Bobby, what if I hadn't been here to call you guys up, or what if I hadn't known something was wrong? Or what if-"

"How did you know something was wrong?" Bobby asked curiously.

"I just knew, I always know, just like he always knows." Sam said as if it were obvious.

Bobby nodded slowly before turning back to Dean.

Honestly, he was just as freaked out as Sam, but he had to keep it together for them.

Sam slowly put his hand out and grazed his finger tips to the mask on Dean's face before pulling them back as if he had been burned.

"I'm a horrible brother; I should have been there for him." He choked out through a sob.

"Sam, you've always been there for him, like right now, he would be so proud."

Sam just let out another scared sob before putting his hand on Dean's bed and taking his hand.

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Look how the time fly's! Dean is getting closer, i think i'm going to let Dean in on the big secret soon, possibly the next chapter or the one after that. I'm not sure yet.

Anyway, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!

Reviews make the world go round!

And they make me very happy :)

Thank you all for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

Warmth in the Winter

Chapter seven:

I don't own anything, not the story, the characters, the setting, or anything.

{The Quotes will never have anything to actually do with the story, they are just there}

Quote: "The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do."

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Sam refused to leave Dean's side unless someone was in the room for another few hours.

"How long until he wakes up?" he asked the doctor once he walked in to take the mask off.

"Around five hours, I had to give him a couple of douses to get him to calm down; he shouldn't wake until then."

Sam nodded and clutched his brother's hand harder; though at the same time being careful of the broken bones.

"Why don't you go get some sleep in a real bed, I'll stay here with him until he wakes. When he does I'll come get you."

Sam debated, but then Dean groaned and squeezed Sam's hand as hard as he could, taking the small comfort in knowing someone was with him.

Sam's mind turned to stone and the doctor sighed knowing there was no fighting him about the subject further.

He left quietly, telling Sam if there was any change to call him and put the mask back on Dean.

Sam nodded; paying deep attention to everything the doctor was saying then turning his full attention onto Dean again.

He couldn't believe he had let all of this happen to Dean, he should have been there, even if he couldn't stop the kidnapping, he should have been there to save him from his own little hell sooner.

He sighed quietly, wishing Dean hadn't squeezed his hand so he could have taken a nap but instantly pushed that thought aside; he would never abandon his brother again.

He had done it so many times, and each time something bad had happened.

He should have learned; but he never did.

He knew that going to bed wasn't actually abandoning him, like he hadn't the day he had been taken, but he still felt responsible for this happening.

Just like he knew Dean felt responsible for every little thing that happened even if it had nothing to do with him.

It took Dean six hours to come to; Sam was asleep in the room across the hall because Bobby and the doctor had forced him out of the chair and into the room so Bobby was there when Dean woke up.

"Hey, what happened?" Dean asked looking around confused.

"Why don't you lie down, I'll get some water and call the doc, you've had a rough couple of hours."

"No, I feel fine, what happened? I remember hearing a bang and something down the hall and then I couldn't breathe, what happened?" he asked.

Bobby searched the boys face before explaining.

"You had a panic attack, while having a seizure, you stopped breathing, nothing too serious, the doc had to put you under to calm you down."

Dean's eyes bugged out slightly and he jerked back in shock.

"Oh, is THAT all? I just stopped breathing?" he snapped, sarcasm dripping from his every word.

"Dean, as soon as you were under and were taking in oxygen again, you calmed down; the doc said you must have gotten really scared for a second then a seizure came up too fast."

"I WAS NOT AFRAID!" Dean yelled looking like he had been scandalized and outraged all in one.

Bobby forced himself not to show any sign that Dean had just yelled but everyone could hear the thump from across the hall and the quick footsteps.

Sam slid to a stop in front of the door and peeked through, breathing heavy.

He had heard Dean yelling and had jerked so fast out of sleep he had flipped right off of the bed; but before he could even think he was running.

He had just stopped himself from throwing the door open and running in to see what was going on.

Dean was looking downright scary as he glared at Bobby but Bobby wasn't showing any sign of weakness.

"You know, its okay to be afraid-"

"I wasn't afraid!" he snapped.

"Dean, you had a panic attack, obviously-"

"I heard something crash down stairs and I thought you had gotten hurt! What would have happened if you or the doc were hurt downstairs? Then I would be up here, alone, while you two died down there. WHILE I SAT IN MY BED NOT ABLE TO MOVE OR HELP!"

Both Bobby and Sam were honestly shocked by what had scared Dean.

It made sense, but Sam didn't quite believe him. He knew that could have been half the truth, maybe the bang had something to do with it; but he doubted he was worried about being helpless while the doc and Bobby were down there.

Bobby searched his face for a second but couldn't find any trace of a lie.

Sam could though; he could see the very obvious way Dean was leaning slightly to left, and the way his face was so obviously telling the truth.

Whenever Dean told the truth, he was either downright lying, or telling the truth because he absolutely knew no one would believe him.

So basically, he didn't tell the truth; he lived for his lies.

Sam growled quietly, wanting to yell at Bobby to not believe him and to press the subject because he could tell Dean's wasn't really putting much effort into his walls right now.

It was the perfect time to press things; Dean wouldn't snap back or lie after the fifth time; and Bobby was wasting his chances!

"I'm sorry boy, if it makes you feel any better all the bang was was me dropping something on the floor, no one was hurt or in danger."

Dean glared at Bobby but ignored him for the most part after that.

"So, do I still get to know what the secret is today?" Dean asked anxiously.

Sam and Bobby were both shocked by him again.

Right at that moment the doctor walked by Sam and he hid while the doc walked in.

"Actually, you had the seizure before I could tell Bobby the good news."

He turned to Bobby while talking after that "I found Dean asleep with the picture, and since he has been eating, healing, and seems to have made some great improvement with the picture, I thought we could tell him the news after dinner. Plus, it's been two weeks and he has every right to know."

Bobby didn't know who to stare at; the doc for finally saying it was his right after fighting him so hard about it not more than three days ago or Dean for finding out he had fallen asleep after making a huge improvement with the picture of Sam that had worked up such a fuss the other day.

"Well, I mean, I was just looking at it, I wasn't really doing anything, plus I had thrown it onto the floor and left it there for hours, and I did have that seizure the last time I saw it; and you know, if you have the slightest thought that it might not be time to tell me I don't think you should-"

Dean seemed to realize he was rambling and shut up quickly.

Everyone was staring at him with a different reaction.

Sam looked downright murderous, he couldn't believe the doc and Bobby weren't asking him what was wrong? Or going to him and seeing if he was okay, couldn't they see he was panicked? Scared? He didn't want to know the secret; why were they pushing it so soon? He had only been back two weeks!

Bobby looked slightly insulted but more shocked. He couldn't believe Dean didn't want to know the secret. He understood he was nervous but where the hell was his pride and defiance?

The doctor looked a mixture between smug and annoyed. He had fought for two weeks against the whole house about telling the secret early, and now Dean was siding with him when he decided to tell him! Why did he even bother?

"No, never mind, I want to know." Dean said after a few minutes of a confused silence.

"Are you sure?" the doctor asked quickly.

"Yeah, I'm sure." Dean said confidently.

"Well, you have until after dinner to make your final decision; then once we say it, there isn't any going back."

"Well come on guys, its not gonna like, kill me is it?" Dean asked smiling and obviously joking.

"I hope it doesn't, though I'm going to have to be ready with something to put you under if it gets bad."

"What do you mean put me under?" Dean snapped turning to glare at him.

"Well I can't just have you stop breathing-"

"I have not given you my consent to put me under without any permission, I don't want you to ever put me under again unless I give you the okay or you think it is a life and death situation. Am I clear?" he asked, being deadly serious and staring hard straight at the doctor, not even twitching.

The doctor nodded quickly and Dean slowly leaned back but didn't stop staring him down.

The doctor looked away uncomfortable and quickly excused himself saying he would be back with food.

He quickly shut the door leaving it open a crack and stopped outside the door with Sam.

"Damn, someone isn't happy today is he?" he whispered.

"He's confused. He wants someone to tell him a firm answer. You keep dancing around the rose and giving him the choice! He either wants you to say 'no you aren't ready to know yet and that's final' or 'we are going to tell you tonight, no more delaying', hes confused, he NEEDS to be in control of things right now but he doesn't feel like he can anymore. You need to let him think he's making the decisions and controlling everything from now on!" Sam said frustrated.

The doctor seemed shocked that Sam had said anything close to that. He had expected a 'must have woken up on the wrong side of the bed' or something like that… not a good, smart answer.

Damn, he had honestly misjudged their relationship.

"Are you two…" he trailed off, not knowing how to fraise it in case he was wrong.

"What? Brothers? Yeah." Sam said misjudging the question.

"No, I knew that, I meant, are you two, intimate?"

Sam blanched, his mouth hanging open before he sputtered random words.

He couldn't even believe what the doctor had just asked him. Was he… intimate? With Dean? Sure Dean was good looking, and he knew he wasn't bad looking, but were they together?

"We're brothers!" he stressed, eyes still wide.

"So, I'm a hunter doctor, I've heard stranger." The doctor said honestly.

Sam sputtered again, what did he mean, so? So? So! Well it was a huge damn so!

"That's called incest!" he hissed.

"So? It's not like you plan on making kids, you can't, the worst that could happen is you get some sexually transmitted disease, and it's still not hurting anyone else."

Sam gaped like a fish and the doctor laughed "obviously I was wrong. You just seemed to read him so well, even for close brothers. I was just reading to deep into things, never mind." He said before walking away.

Sam stared after him before sitting down on the floor and leaning against the wall.

Was he with Dean! What a question.

Sure they had grown up strange, but not that strange! I mean, what kind of person had feelings about their own brother?

He looked inside Dean's room and he felt a goofy smile spread across his face at the sight of Dean balancing a pencil on his face.

Dean had taught him how to do that when he was eight.

Sam stayed in the doorway until the doctor had come back with Dean's food then he went down stairs to grab a soda and sandwich before going back to his usual post.

"Hey, how do you two always know when to come into my room? It's like as soon as I'm awake, two seconds later someone is walking in, or I'm a second from a seizure or I am seizing and you both just seem to know what's going on, is there like, a camera or something?" he asked honestly wanting to know.

"No, someone is always outside your door." The doctor said simply.

"Doesn't that get tiring, what with just the two of you?"

"No" Bobby said simply.

Dean leaned back to get a better look at the two men but neither of them substituted any more information so he let it go; he knew when not to push something; and even though he wanted to; he wasn't one to be pushing when they weren't.

Sure the doc asked questions and he had honestly been about to kill him a number of times already but no one was really pushing him about what had happened, what had really gone on, why if anyone even hedged on the topic that he had a brother he would grab his gun and cock it right in their face.

He shuddered at the thought of his brother and the doctor quickly stood up and eyed him.

"Do you want me to put you back on anti-convulsants?" the doc asked him.

Dean shook his head, clamping his teeth as shakes racked his body.

Bobby stood, ready to hold him down at a seconds notice but Dean just shook, it wasn't as bad as the last one; just a normal one.

He jerked around slightly, eyes rolling around until finally he dropped and began gasping for air.

Bobby sat down as the doctor rolled him onto his side, pulling his arm from under him and letting him gasp for air until he was able to see again.

After a few seconds of trying to get up he was settled down again and the doc was seriously wondering how Dean was still awake; sure he had slept like a rock for six hours, but he had to be exhausted.

Without the meds, Dean slept restlessly, sure he didn't move, but that didn't mean he actually got the rest.

He knew he was plagued with horrible dreams.

Sam had told him once; very quietly that Dean cried and his face looked pained in his sleep though he didn't think it was because of real pain.

He wondered why Dean hadn't put a gun to his head or someone else's head yet.

He was thankful that he hadn't, and he knew without a second of doubt that Dean had honestly been about to kill him on a number of times for pushing a bit to far but he couldn't figure out why he hadn't yet.

At first he thought it was because he hadn't been able to move or had any strength, but then one night while Sam was sleeping he had been walking by and had saw Dean was awake and in bed, his gun was apart on his bed and he was cleaning it.

He knew for a fact that his gun had been a good ten feet away hidden under his dresser, there was no way he would have been able to get it without getting up.

He watched as Dean cleaned the weapon with a piece of gauze then put it back together in minutes, seconds maybe.

Then he watched as Dean held the gun in his hand and fit his hand to it, then bounced it around a bit, getting used to the feel of it before squinting one eye and pointing at the wall.

He was shocked as hell to realize there was a silencer on it and that Dean had hit the picture on the wall with dead aim; he shot the guy in the picture right in the heart before the bullet fell.

He slid the gun under his pillow after that, seeming satisfied that he could still shoot better than anyone he knew but then the doctor watched amazed as Dean picked up his shattered leg and slowly turned himself so his back was leaning against the foot board and he slowly grabbed the tray with wheels.

Dean had rested his foot down onto it then grabbed a crutch from under the bed and held it with his arm that hadn't been dislocated.

He had watched stunned as Dean walked with one leg and slid the other along; wincing sure, but he was moving around! If he hadn't been so stunned he might have snapped at him and forced him back into the bed.

He stood there for over four hours watching as Dean just walked back and forth in a line.

It seemed he just wanted to get some strength back, or make sure he wasn't totally useless.

Dean had slowly settled back into the bed after that and he knew he still did it sometimes; when he was absolutely positive "Jared" wasn't there and he knew no one was.

At times when he was on watch he would just leave his post on purpose so Dean would drag himself out of bed and walk around.

This was good, he wanted Dean to walk around; but it also worried him. He was pushing too hard too fast, and if he had his strength it meant he could fight and defend himself.

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Dean ate his lunch, slept a little, then decided to play a game of cards with Bobby.

"Bobby, I know I'm better than you at cards, but my win was crazy, stop letting me win and fight back!" he snapped.

Bobby had actually blushed guiltily but played honestly after that.

Dean had still won and Bobby scoffed saying he had taken it easy on him but they both knew he hadn't.

After another hour of cards the doc said he could eat some dinner and take his meds before settling down for the news.

Dean ate so slowly no one was sure if it was because he actually had to eat slow or if it was because he didn't want to know.

Dean ate another bite while chancing a quick glance at the picture before looking back at his plate.

Then it hit him, Jared Padalecki was Sam's name when they had been thrown into the alternate universe and their lives were TV shows and they were famous.

Jared had been Sam's "real" name.

He shuddered at that thought but didn't seizure.

That's why the name had been so familiar to him.

"So, is there really even a Jared here or has he been made up this whole time?" Dean asked narrowing his eyes willing someone to lie to him just so he could yell.

"Yes he has, there is no Jared, the two people that saved you are not here anymore." The doc said gesturing around the room.

"But what about all of those times someone came in to help and it wasn't either of you?" he challenged.

"That was probably someone." Bobby said nonchalantly.

"I thought you said you would be honest with me!" he snapped.

"Tonight, when we tell you what we have been keeping from you we will answer any questions you still have." The doctor said simply.

Dean grunted but leaned back and quickly finished his dinner then swallowed his meds with some water and glared at the IV on the back of his left hand; the doc had changed it from his arm, Dean had complained it was like he couldn't even move that whole arm because he was afraid he would rip the damn thing out; with it in his hand, he could move around freely without having to worry; well, as much as he could pull it anyway.

He had liked it better when they had taken it out completely; damn him for having more seizures and refusing his meds.

As soon as he was finished Bobby took his plate and brought it down and to the kitchen where he lingered for a second before going back up.

Dean leaned back, feeling anxious as he looked between the two men; they looked way too serious for his liking.

"Now Dean, I know you feel safer with your gun under your pillow and your knife under your mattress-"

Dean's eyes widened and he stuffed his hand under the mattress, nothing. He slipped his hand under his pillow and he couldn't find anything either.

His eyes snapped up to the doctor and he zeroed in on the weapons Bobby was holding in his hands.

Damn, they had taken them from him while he was asleep probably.

"What, you actually think I would shoot someone just because of the news?" he asked, trying to keep his smile on but his stomach knotted in worry.

What was it they were hiding?

"Dean, you'd shoot anything if you were mad enough, hell you'd shoot it even if you weren't mad!" Bobby said pointing out the obvious to him.

He was about to protest when he silently agreed and shook his head a bit.

"Alright, it's nine o clock, you've had diner, you've taken your pills, you have the IV for back up, you don't have any weapons, and Bobby and I are right here, you don't have to worry about anything." The doctor reassured him.

Now Dean was just getting bored; could they get on with it already?

"First, we know you were taken by something that looked like Sam-"

"You can shut the fu-"

"Wait, just listen. I know you must have tried silver on it, and holy water, and every test you knew. And we know none of them worked but you did manage to kill it with a silver bullet…"

Dean was flinching and twitching slightly but the usual feeling in his gut never came when he was sure he was about to seizure.

He looked at the IV grateful then sneered a bit at the doctor before nodding.

"Well, we had Julie, you remember her? Go get you in a copter, and after that she went back for your car and we had her and Cas check out what had taken you."

Dean scoffed a bit at the name; Julie, she was afraid of every little damn thing; hell she was one of the best people he knew that could easily breeze through the other side without breaking a sweat but she was afraid of anything that ever was!

He also scoffed a bit at the word taken because honestly, he had been the one driving them there, and he had been the one that had walked into this mess.

No one actually took him anywhere.

Which didn't make him feel any better but his pride was still slightly intact at the thought that they couldn't even kidnap him.

"We figured out why the silver didn't work on him though he was clearly a shifter; he was a... hybrid if you will."

Dean stared at him shocked and slightly unbelieving.

That had been Sam, he had watched as it did every test; it had told him things only Sam would know, things no one else knew.

It knew about things from when they were kids for Christ's sake!

And he had tried to plead for him to stop, but he hadn't, he had cried and screamed for days! But Sam had just laughed and did whatever he was doing harder, rougher, crueler.

"It was a vampire shifter hybrid Dean. Because it was part vampire the silver didn't work on him. Because it was shifter the dead man's blood didn't work on him. But because it was more shifter you could kill it with a silver bullet to the heart."

Dean nodded, not really fully listening but still taking it in and putting it somewhere to think about for later.

He knew that had been Sam, it had to have been; because if it wasn't, why hadn't Sam come for him? Why had he left him there? Where was he now? That had to be Sam, and he had killed him.

Dean's body jerked a few times but slowly he calmed down and he leaned forward and put his head in his hands.

"Alright, relax, take a few seconds." The doctor said slowly.

Dean breathed deeply through his nose for a minute before slowly lifting his head.

He was a bit paler but nodded his head for them to continue anyway.

"Well, since the very beginning we have had someone here with us, they have been here this whole time Dean. And it wasn't Jared."

Dean nodded uncomfortable.

"That night that you were rescued from the woods-"

"I didn't ask to be rescued! I had gotten out on my own and I could have made it to the road on my own." He said defensively hating the word rescued.

The doctor nodded. "You're right, you did get out on your own, and you could have made it to the road, but two people did come for you. A man and a woman. The woman driving the copter, that was Julie."

Dean looked shocked at that. She could not only fly a helicopter but she was shooting from the plane at men, being shot at, then she went back and got his car and most likely burned or buried their bodies.

"The man that was there, that got you onto the stretcher and sat in the back with you, he is here now. He has been here the whole time with you."

Dean swallowed, so this was the secret, the man that had been with him this whole time was here?

"Dean, we have another thing to say before we tell you who the man is, it's something about your brother…"

Dean's body shook like he was shivering except he wasn't; his body was just shaking.

The doctor waited a minute for Dean's body to calm down and for his mind to catch up then he continued.

"Dean, your brother, he isn't dead, he is still alive."

Dean winced as pictures of his brother flew through his mind and he instantly thought of him as he carved him up.

"Dean, are you okay? Do you want to take a break?" the doctor asked worried.

He had really hoped Dean wouldn't react this badly just to the word brother.

Dean tried to shake his head no but he was overcome as his body began burning in pain.

Sam was on him, he was in him, in him, touching him everywhere, hurting him, making him cry and scream. He couldn't move, his arms and legs were forced to stay down, he couldn't do anything, no one was coming for him, Sam wasn't coming for him, Sam left him, he left him and doesn't care about him, he doesn't want to be near me.

Bobby winced as he watched Dean on the bed. He wasn't seizing, he was having a full body flash back.

Dean's head whipped side to side and a silent scream tore from him, ringing in his ears though no one else could hear it.

He bucked his hips as much as he could to throw Sam's weight off of him but he didn't even slip off, not even a little.

Sam winced as he realized what Dean was probably feeling. At first he thought he was just reliving one where he was being beaten or something like that; but now, now that he had watched as Dean bucked his hips and his hands fisted in the sheets he knew someone was on him.

He watched as Dean struggled with the invisible weight until finally he seemed to snap out of it and he lay panting, chest heaving quickly and the doctor quickly picked up the oxygen mask in case Dean started hyperventilating.

Dean fisted the sheets as his breaths began taking in less air and his back arched in pain as his chest squeezed tightly.

The doctor pushed the mask onto him and Dean struggled, but went slack as air was pushed into him and he let the mask give him air.

Five minutes later and Dean's eyes snapped open wide in panic and he began clawing at his face with one hand.

"Dean, Dean! Stop, stop, slow down, its just a mask, its air, you couldn't breathe, see, just a mask, if you calm down you can take it off!" The doctor yelled over his struggles.

Dean's eyes were wide in fright but he did stop struggling and he sat up before pulling the mask off and breathing deeply.

God damn flash backs. He had fought it off on his own to, had pushed as hard as he could.

While having a flash back, even though his eyes might be opened or closed, he couldn't see a thing. In his mind though, it was like he was sitting in a big empty black room, with a huge movie screen playing, but he knew what he was watching was actually happening to him, right now!

But somewhere in his mind, he knew, he had already done that, this couldn't be right, that had happened already. And he had pushed as hard as he could, had forced with everything he had in him to break the screen, but when he could see, he couldn't breathe, and it felt like there was a weight on his chest stopping him from breathing.

He set the mask down onto the night stand and took slow deep even breaths before looking up.

Bobby was clearly worried but the doctor had looked mildly impressed.

"You got out of your flash back?" the doctor asked.

Bobby and Sam both looked to Dean, waiting for his answer.

Sam couldn't have been more proud of him, only his big brother can force himself out of something physically impossible to leave.

Only his big brother.

"Alright Dean, are you ready?" the doctor asked.

Dean nodded, saying they could continue.

"Dean, your brother, the nice gentle little brother that would never hurt you, he's alive, and he wants to see you."

Dean jerked back so hard that he thought he might have actually cracked his neck.

"Wh- wh- wha-" Dean couldn't get a word out.

Sam wanted to see him? He was on his way here? How long until he was here? Where had he been?

"Dean, Sam has been here this whole time, he was the one that went with Julie and saved you, he was the one that rode in the copter with you, he was the one that has been here and helping you through this. He wants to know if he can see you."

Dean's breaths became shorts gasps but he wasn't going to faint, he couldn't, his body just wasn't; even though his mind was screaming at him.

"Sam is going to walk in really slowly, through the door, he isn't going to go next to you okay? He's going to stand right here in the middle of us. He's going to walk nice and slow." The doctor said before nodding to the door.

Dean whirled around to see the door slowly opening.

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(peaks out from behind hands) sorry for leaving it like that. Please, i hope you all liked this chapter. I know its taking a while for Dean to finally see Sam again but thanks for bearing with me this far!

Please please please Review!

Love you all! Review!


	8. Chapter 8

Warmth in the Winter

Chapter eight:

I don't own anything, not the story, characters, setting or anything.

{The Quotes will never have anything to actually do with the story, they are just there}

Quote: "Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil" - Jerry Garcia

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Dean watched as a big hand slowly pushed the door open and then slowly he saw that the hand was connected to an arm, and the arm a body, and the body a face.

And that face belonged to none other than Sam.

He flinched hard and whimpered, pushing himself back into the pillows quickly, his chin bobbing up and down as he forced himself not to cry in plain terror.

He was back, he hadn't killed him, the silver bullet didn't work.

Sam hid the hurt and pain in his eyes as he watched Dean react to seeing the man that had tortured him and not Sam.

He slowly came to stand between Bobby and the doctor and Dean whimpered again, pressing himself back into the head board.

No one said anything for a minute but then slowly the doctor stepped forward and Dean's eyes snapped towards him before flying back to Sam.

"Dean, are you okay?" he asked gently.

Dean's mouth opened but he just started breathing faster.

Bobby and the doctor were trusting him! Didn't they know what he did to him?

"Dean…?" Bobby asked looking at him intently.

Dean didn't even take his eyes off of Sam's. He tried to hide his fear, he honestly did, but he knew his terror was showing, spread right across his face; just like Sam liked. He liked to see the fear and pain on his face and in his eyes; he had told him.

"Dean…" Sam whispered obviously fighting himself

Dean jerked back at the sound of the voice that had been haunting him for seven months and he leaned forward and put his head in his hands on his lap and began rocking as he whimpered and shook.

"Dean, it's okay, it's okay! I'm not gonna hurt you!" Sam said with so much raw emotion and sincerity in his voice and even made Dean know something was wrong.

Dean looked through the fingers that were covering his face and he peeked up to see Sam looking torn; he had never looked like that…

Sam didn't know what to do, he was so close, Dean knew he was here finally, but he still couldn't do anything. He couldn't even breath without Dean flinching.

Dean peeked up after he talked and he opened his face up so his emotions were there, for him to see. He needed Dean to know he was safe, that he wasn't going to hurt him.

He could never hurt him.

Dean stared at Sam, torn between terror and confusion.

Why wasn't he hurting him? Why wasn't he on him? Why wasn't he mad? He had shot him and got away, he should be mad, hurting him, on him, in him, touching him-

"Dean, I'd never hurt you, you know that, look at me, look at me, I would never hurt you." Sam said earnest.

Dean didn't know whether he should believe him or not.

He had hurt him, he had hurt him so much, he still hurt, and he would always have scars to look at and remind him that Sam had hurt him.

"No Dean, I would never hurt you, I wouldn't ever hurt you." Sam said already knowing what Dean was thinking.

Dean shook his head overwhelmed; scared, confused because Sam would have already hurt him, he wouldn't have waited and pretended like this, angry at Bobby and the doctor for letting Sam in, betrayed for taking Sam right to him.

How could they do this to him?

"Dean, Sam is going to sit right here, right in this chair okay? All the way over here in the corner of your room, me and Bobby are going to leave, if you need us, or if anything happens, just yell okay? We won't even leave this floor."

Dean looked panicked now. They were leaving him, with Sam, they were leaving him? They were giving him to Sam, practically with a ribbon on top! He couldn't fight without weapons right now! He couldn't even walk!

Sam could just take him away, kill him, hurt him, what if he did something to him and covered his mouth, Bobby and the doc would never know he needed help, he was going to die by Sam's hands.

He watched, pleading with his eyes since his throat had long since closed to not leave him; but Bobby just looked back at him sadly and walked out.

This time, when they closed the door, they didn't leave it open a crack, they shut it all the way.

Dean turned back and stared at Sam, terror gripping his heart and squeezing it horribly tight.

Was he having a heart attack?

After a second he realized he wasn't having a heart attack and he was just experiencing fear like he had only a few times before.

Each time had been when Sam was killed in front of him.

He quickly leaned against the head board so his lungs could have more room and he gasped in large mouthfuls of air.

Jesus Christ, he felt like his lungs were inside out.

Once he got his breathing under control he slowly peeked up, Sam was still looking at him worriedly from the chair in the far corner of the room and his hands were gripping the arms tightly.

Like he was holding himself back.

Dean knew it, he was trying to get his trust first so he could kill him when he least expected it.

"Dean, are you okay?" Sam asked quietly.

Dean flinched at his voice and Sam winced.

"Um, is it okay if I read?" Sam asked slowly.

Dean flinched again then again at hearing his voice.

"I'm going to read out loud, so you can hear my voice…" Sam trailed off not knowing if this was a good idea or not.

Dean flinched slightly but didn't say anything.

Sam picked a random book from the shelf and glanced at the cover before flipping it open and beginning to read it from the beginning; thank god he had picked Lord of the Rings instead of some sappy romance, Dean probably would have killed him just for that on principle.

He cleared his throat and switched the lamp on when he noticed it would be getting so dark he wouldn't be able to see a foot in front of him soon and he began reading quietly.

Dean had read him this same book when they were kids.

Each time their dad was on a hunt or passed out drunk Dean would pick a book and read it. He had found the first book in the trilogy and read it to Sam every night until he finished it.

Then Dean had gotten the next books and read those to him to.

Sam had never really thought about it, but Dean had been a really good reader back then. He was always reading to Sam when he asked and sometimes he would bring out a book Sam had never seen before and would read it to him., seeming to know the book already.

Sam read softly, just loud enough for Dean to hear but to be able to ignore if he wanted to.

But after the first chapter he saw Dean was trying very hard to look like he was ignoring him but he knew Dean was listening.

Sam read a bit louder so he didn't have to strain himself too much to hear him and Dean leaned back against the pillows and pulled the blanket up high so it was all the way to his chin.

Sam read on, watching Dean out of the corner of his eye to make sure this was okay and he wasn't pushing too much.

After another few chapters he knew Dean was tired by the way he was holding himself, and the obvious way his eyes would close for a second then snap open after a minute or two.

Sam continued on though, and for another chapter Dean was able to keep himself awake but slowly sleep came up and claimed him.

Sam didn't stop reading for another half hour then he slowly shut the book and put it down.

Sam could possibly have been the happiest man on earth in that second.

He had read to Dean, and Dean hadn't tried to kill him or had a panic attack.

This was actually good progress!

Though he hadn't actually done anything, and he knew Dean couldn't physically flinch every time he spoke while reading a book, or he would have passed out from sheer exhaustion after one chapter.

He was still happy though, Dean knew he was here, and slowly he would let him get used to his presence and his voice and before he knew it Dean might even grunt to him or make some kind of verbal sound towards him.

The doctor walked in ten minutes later to check on them and was hugely surprised to see Sam sitting in his chair still and Dean sleeping rather peacefully.

"He willingly went to sleep in front of you?" he whispered shocked

"I was reading to him so he would get used to my voice and after a few chapters he fell asleep."

"Huh, nice thinking" the doc complimented before checking Dean's arm that had been shot and not dislocated.

He gave Dean some pain medication through his IV then took the stitches out.

"This arm looks fine, and his other one should be able to leave the sling after another week if he promises to not use it at all for another month at least."

Sam sighed happy that all of the stitches were looking good and he looked at his other leg a bit nervously.

"What about that leg?" he questioned quietly.

"Well, the other night while Dean was sleeping I took some X-rays of his leg... I wasn't going to bring it up but, I actually think it might be healing more rapidly than I could have ever imagined."

"What do you mean?" Sam asked slightly concerned.

"I think when he was there, they didn't want to kill him and they had him on something, you know, rapid healing kinda thing."

"Like, monster DNA medicine?" Sam asked looking perplexed.

"I don't know what he was on, but just from looking over his body, it looks like his bones and body endured way more than its showing. There are stab wounds, in his stomach, he should be dead, but they healed completely."

Sam stared open mouthed at Dean. So the damage he could see wasn't even the icing on the cake. He had taken so much more, and it had healed, then he had gotten even more.

"I think there is still some of whatever they used in him, and its healing him. From what I can see it should wear out within a week, up to a month the most. But, because of it, his leg that was completely shattered, which should have made it impossible to leave, has been healing. And now it looks like within a week he will be able to walk on it, I'm going to say two just to be sure though."

"How do you think the bones shattered though? They couldn't have gotten a hammer and just took out there anger on it…"

Sam trailed off realizing they could have; and it was a big possibility.

"I don't think we will ever fully know what Dean went through, but what I am worried about is exactly what IS in him, and what its going to do to Dean when there is no more in him."

"What do you mean?" Sam asked quickly, not liking his tone.

"Well, from what we know, there isn't any internal damage, or none that Dean has told me about, but if there is, and it leaves before its healed, he could die. Or... if it's like a drug, what will happen when it wears out and he doesn't have anymore? If he has been on it non stop for six months, I don't know what's going to happen."

Sam went into panic little brother mode instantly.

"Well, we should find some hybrids, and tear the truth out of them…"

"Sam, I've never even heard of a hybrid, never mind what the signs to look for one is."

"Well, we know one thing, I did a back check on the place and I looked for any recent deaths, there weren't any. Which means its food source is coming from something other than killing people. So it doesn't feed like a vampire."

"Or maybe it does and it was feeding on Dean the whole time it was in town." He pointed out.

Sam's mouth gaped but then he snapped it shut and looked hard at his brother.

"What happens if he needs more of whatever it was they had him on?"

"Well, I could probably find a medical substitute and then wean him off of it slowly, but I'm sure whatever they had him on was a hundred times stronger."

"Alright, well did he say what happened to him when they gave it to him?"

"I've asked him that a few times and I've gotten a few different answers. We know seizures is one of the side effects, and he told me intense pain, hallucinations, he might pass out, or a number of other things like he'll lose control over his body or he can only feel pain for a while. Even if you just touch him gently, it will register in him as intense pain."

Sam winced as he listened; so, nothing good came from it, that sounded like monster juice alright.

Nothing good ever came form that stuff.

"Do you really think they could have fed from him?"

"Well, I don't see how else they were getting their food, there were no bodies in the place and there weren't any places for fires to burn bodies, there weren't any newly dug up holes, nothing to even suggest a body was ever there."

Sam shuddered, there wasn't any human food, he knew Dean was being fed through his IV the whole time, the doc had told him that already so what had they been eating?

Had Dean really been the only food source around?

He growled at the thought of a man that looked like him feeding off of Dean, Dean must have been so afraid.

To be alive while over ten different men at different times fed off of you; hell they could have fed all at the same time, it wouldn't have mattered, he would heal.

He shuddered as he fought off tears.

God damn Dean always getting himself into trouble, and he was never there to help him.

"Sam, he's going to be fine, he has you to watch after him. I doubt you'll be letting him out of your sight for the next fifty years, even if he never wants to see you again."

Sam blushed slightly at that. Honestly, if Dean told him he never wanted to see him again, he knew he would follow him everywhere.

There was no way he would ever leave him alone again.

"How could I have let this happen?" he asked more to himself than the doc.

"Sam-"

Dean jerked upright in bed and looked around wildly, seeming to search for something. Sam held his breath and stopped moving in fear he would alarm Dean.

Just as his eyes landed on Sam he fell back down to the bed passed out again.

Sam let out his breath and slowly looked at the doctor. The doc shrugged at him, not really knowing what to say and then left just as quietly as he had come.

Sam sank back down into the chair and looked Dean over.

For someone who had gone through so much torture in his life he sure didn't look like it.

He had gone to hell for four months, or forty years there. Then he gets tortures for six months. And the job, it wasn't easy, it left some tough wear and tear on the body. Plus, he had died about two hundred times already… so you had to figure, for someone who had died so many times, he was in pretty good shape.

He was tanned from years of working in the outdoors and though he liked to lounge around and eat like no one he knew, he was in impeccable shape.

And for someone who had just been strapped down to a table for half a year he was shocked to see that he still had his thick muscles and dark tan; though he suspected whatever they had him on kept him exactly as he was when he first arrived.

So the whole time he was there he couldn't physically change.

Then that part snapped into place, a shape shifter could hold a form forever, it never physically changed, just like Dean hadn't. It made sense that whatever he was on had come from the shifter/vampire hybrid.

He wondered if he would still have the strength to live after what Dean had gone through.

Sure he had died his fare share of times, but Dean, it seemed like he died every other day.

He shook his head clearing that train of thought and looked at Dean again.

He had the blankets thrown off of his body and his legs were spread wide. His arm in its sling was safely in place and his other arm was bent over his head.

He smiled at the sight and leaned back relaxing slightly.

"Sam!" Bobby whispered from the doorway walking in quietly.

"What?" Sam asked confused.

"You shouldn't be here when he wakes up, first you should let him remember yesterday, then walk in, maybe with his breakfast and give it to him then sit back in that chair."

Sam wanted to fight him but he knew if Dean woke up and he was sitting here he would freak out and probably seizure.

He sighed; he really hated it when Bobby was right about things like this.

He got up and Bobby took his place.

Sam slowly leaned up against the door frame then slipped out the door to go into the room across the hall again.

He sank down onto the bed and scrubbed his face with both hands.

"Sam! Sam!"

He rolled over and groaned something like "fuck off" before jerking up and looking around confused.

"Dean's up and I just told him someone would bring him some breakfast, get going!" the doctor said helping him up and out the door.

Sam stumbled down the stairs, wiping his face and trying to flatten his hair quickly; shocked that he had fallen asleep in the first place.

It had to have been at least four hours he was asleep, maybe more.

On the table was a tray with a few different things and a glass of water. He picked it up and quickly made his way up the stairs, though being careful not to jostle anything around or make Dean aware of his presence.

He knocked with one hand while the other gripped the tray and he slowly pushed it open.

Dean turned smiling expecting to see the doctor but flinched and jerked away when he saw it was Sam.

Sam just smiled slowly and very slowly started over towards the bed.

He stopped a good six feet away and handed it to Bobby.

Bobby took the tray, set it on Dean's lap then quickly left leaving them both looking after him and glaring.

Sam quickly looked for the chair he had sat in last night and stared in horror as he realized it was about three feet closer to Dean.

He slowly settled into the chair and looked up to find Dean not eating but watching his every move with hawk like eyes.

Only slightly unnerving…

He leaned back and slowly smiled at Dean, Dean stopped his flinch halfway through and slowly brought his granola bar up to his mouth.

He bit into it, not taking his eyes off of Sam and Sam's eyes flickered down to the movement before going back up to Dean's eyes.

Damn, still giving him the stare.

He knew Dean had slept with his eyes open multiple times because he had woken up as a kid to see Dean sitting up and staring at the wall, gun in his hands.

Happens, when Dean stares at something, exhaustion cant even stop him from staring. So he just falls asleep with his eyes open.

He knew, Dean could also stare at someone for over an hour because they had timed it.

Just perfect.

He pretended to cough making Dean blink then look down and continue eating.

"So, Bobby and the doctor high tailed it out of here pretty fast…" he said starting up a conversation.

Dean didn't even show any sign that he had heard him so Sam pulled on a serious face and contemplated his next words.

"So, I'm just going to sit here and talk to you, and I'm going to tell you things I've never told you before, and um, I'm just going to keep talking, but if you ever want me to shut up… just, let me know." He said before sighing and thinking… Where to begin?

"Alright, I'll start from when we were little kids and work my way up. Um, oh! Do you remember that time when I was four and you were eight? Dad was on a hunt and we were in the shittiest motel we had been in yet at our ages. And we couldn't decide what to do because Dad said he wouldn't be back until very late and handed you the gun and told you to watch after me?

So you invented this game called spider because I was afraid of them at the time. And you were the spider and you would chase me around and try to catch me so you could eat me? And after that you sat me down and told me everything you knew on spiders, like how they are good because they eat all the bad bugs, and that they won't bother a person unless you bother them first. And then you even went outside and stayed there until you caught me one in a jar and you brought it in the motel!

What did we name him? Something like Konga… oh it was Kongulo! The Icelandic word for spider! You had looked it up in the computer and I got to pick which language we named it in! You had wanted to use the Spanish word because it was easier but I had insisted. And when we let it go we had watched it go down the sidewalk and followed it down the block before we ran back laughing and making up a huge life for it and how it was going to go back home and tell its family and friends how it had survived a human attack!" Sam's smile at the memory was enough to make Dean smile, never mind the silly memory.

Dean was smiling along, eyes far off and dazed as he remember four year old Sammy sitting in the tub while Dean washed him then starting to scream because of the spider on the wall. That was what had started the whole spider day.

Sam had damn near broke his neck jumping out of the tub and he had refused to let go of Dean's neck until he had sighed and carried him, soaking wet and all out of the bathroom.

His clothes had gotten soaked! Sammy had loved the game though, and the mini science lesson that he had given him.

He knew after that Sammy didn't mind spiders so much; of course he didn't love them, but he didn't scream his head off when he saw them.

Sam looked up and saw Deans far off smile and he couldn't help but feel like this was a small win; even if as soon as Dean realized where he was he stopped smiling and glared down at the bed.

Sam leaned back again and thought for a bit. What had gone on while he was five?

"Oh, I've got one for when I was five! Do you remember my very first day of school? I was going to Kindergarten! You were so excited for me, even though Dad could have cared less. And even though you hadn't gone to Kindergarten you told me how much fun I was going to have and how I got to spend all day with other kids my age. God I was so excited, I couldn't believe I was going to see other kids my age, and get to play with them all day.

Finally my first day rolled around and since you were nine you were in fourth grade but we still went to the same school. You walked me there, all proud and puffed up like I was the smartest and cutest kid in town. But then when we got to my classroom I threw a fit when I learned you had to leave me.

I had grabbed onto your leg and screamed and cried and hit and bit anyone that tried to take me away from you and finally you told all of the teachers to 'don't ever touch my brother again!' and to 'piss off!' before walking with me down the hall and making me sit down on the ground with you.

God we must have sat there for an hour. And they were trying to call Dad but he downright refused to answer. I had refused to leave you for two weeks before you just sat down with me in the classroom and introduced me to the kids. It took a month before you could finally join your class, and even then you were called down to come get me and to 'tame your brother!'. God, you must have missed the whole damn year.

I don't even know what it was, it was just whenever I realized you weren't there, and there could be a monster somewhere, or you could be in trouble, I would just lose it. Damn near took the teacher herself out a few times." He said laughing.

Dean was smiling a huge smile at that memory; god Sam had been the smartest and cutest kid in that town. He had been so proud walking him to the school and into his classroom everyday for the two months they were there.

The teachers had thought they were moving because Sam couldn't handle this town, when in reality they had moved because the hunt was over and their Dad had found another three states over that looked like "it's gonna be big".

He shook his head at that though his smile stayed full force. God, Sam had been a damn cute kid.

He looked up smiling but quickly had to snap it off again.

Damn, Sam had made him smile again! Fuck!

Sam's smiled only increased and he thought to the next year. What good memory did he have at six?

Every day with Dean as a child had been a new adventure, a new game, a new lesson learned, a new story he was told and a new one he could tell to someone else.

"Alright, remember when I was six and the number one thing I wanted for my birthday was to get a puppy. I had been obsessed with getting one. But there was no way in hell Dad would even give it a seconds thought. So for a whole week you had still played with me and taken care of me, but you were acting all secretive and kept dropping clues. There were what? Five new clues everyday to what I was going to get for my birthday.

I had been so excited I could hardly sleep the night before my birthday. But when I woke up, everything was normal and you were gone. I had gotten so scared that I almost broke down and cried. But then you had burst into the room from the bathroom holding a god damned puppy and I almost fainted from excitement.

You said you had searched the streets and parks for a weeks before my birthday and when you finally found one five days before you had kept it in the motel room across the hall because no one was in it! You told me that was why you kept sneaking off and giving up your food at meals. And then all day on my birthday we played with it and you even took out a leash and we got to take it on a walk and we played with him at the park before some little old lady came up and said we had a cute dog.

Then you really surprised me by putting on this sad face and I thought you were really gonna cry! But then you said 'ma'am, do you know someone who wants a puppy? Its real healthy and needs lots of love. My daddy, brother and I are moving and we can't take the dog and Daddy says we have to let him go to the pound! Do you know someone who wants the puppy?' and she had fallen right in love with you and told you she could pick it up tomorrow! I got to play with a puppy you saved from the streets then the next day I got to give it a home!

God, that had to have been one of my favorite birthday's, I honestly thought you were my fairy god parent after that. I knew you couldn't just be my big brother! Because come on, what big brother is so awesome that he saves puppies? I was firmly in the belief that you were some superhero."

Sam smiled fondly at the memory of that little golden retriever and how loving Dean had been with it, hell and even how loving Dean always was with him!

Dean fought it hard this time, he tried with all his might, but when someone is talking about really fond memories of yours, you honestly can't help what emotion shows on your face.

Dean smiled huge at being called his fairy god parent or superhero and smiled at Sammy before jerking back in honest shock.

Sam looked about just as shocked as he did but quickly covered it and smiled a little hopeful smile back.

Dean slowly relaxed his shocked stance and leaned back against the pillows and head board.

Man, he had really slipped there; big time.

Sam thought for a second, okay, he needed a really good memory now, if that one had made Dean smile at him he needed to pick one where Dean was going to get up and kiss him.

He thought hard for a second before laughing quietly.

"Remember that time I was fourteen, god I was so tall and skinny and awkward! But do you remember it was our third school for that year and there was this girl, and for the life of me I couldn't tell she liked me. One day we were walking together and she walked by and dropped her things when she saw me and quickly fixed her hair and dress before bending to pick up her books.

You had seen the whole thing and I knew you were trying not to laugh but I didn't get what was funny, I thought you were laughing at her because she dropped her things so I helped her pick them up then we walked back to the motel. As soon as that door was shut you nearly pounced on me demanding to know everything.

Man I think you might have actually pissed yourself when I had on that clueless look and asked you what you were talking about. "

Dean chuckled quietly at that then quickly looked up alarmed, Sam hadn't shown he had heard, but he could be hiding it.

"So after that, you sat me down and gave me the run through on different ways girls will act around someone if they liked you and I had been so shocked, I mean, girls, like me? Then you had sat there and taught me how to pick up girls and I had been so mesmerized by what you said! You made it sound so easy!"

Dean shook his head at the memory smiling fondly, he had known more about girls, what they liked, what they didn't, how they acted, what they wanted what to do, what to say, who to be than anyone else, he had literally had an answer for every question Sam had asked him that night.

He smiled wider as he remembered hinting at Sam about sex and Sam had just looked on confused and said "wait, what?" and he had tried to go around the subject but then Sam wanted to know what he had skipped over and then Dean had just come out and said "sex you idiot!" and Sam had snapped his mouth shut but his eyes were as wide as saucers.

"_W-what?" he had stuttered._

"_I said, when a girl acts like that, they want sex." He said smirking_

_Sam had shook his head laughing in denial "No, fourteen year old girls don't want sex, we're was too young" he had reassured himself nodded_

"_When do you think I lost it?" Dean asked leaning back and smirking, not sure why he had just asked that._

"…_eighteen?" Sam asked hopefully._

_Dean burst out into laughter harder than he had before; now that was funny._

"_You think I lost it this year!" he asked incredulously._

"_Well, no, but, I mean, come on, thirteen? Seriously Dean?" he had whispered, as if he were afraid someone would hear._

"_Dude, sex is sex, sure it was crap but it was sex. Besides, as you get older, it gets better. Unless your young and doing it with an older chick, then its good too-"_

"_Dean! I really, really don't want to hear about your sex life-"_

"_Come on, you've probably never even jacked off!" Dean said laughing harder when he saw the way Sam burned red._

"_Good god you haven't! And let me guess, you've never watched porn, been with a girl in bed doing ANYTHING, hell you've probably never even seen a naked girl! You are the poster child of virgin!" Dean burst into laughter and Sam sunk down into the bed burning up, damn Dean for being right, and for having to embarrass him until he died of it!_

Dean laughed hard as he remembered the way Sam had looked and he couldn't help it, he laughed harder, full on laughing and he couldn't stop himself.

Sam's grin was face splitting; it couldn't have gotten any bigger if he tried.

Dean was openly laughing in front of him, and he looked like he was happy!

Sam smiled at Dean while he was doubled over in laughter and he knew exactly what he had been thinking of. The rest of their conversation. He had been thinking about it too; and even though he had never admitted it back then Dean just knew, but he had never teased him about it, which made him grateful at the time but it still left him confused.

Sam hadn't lost it until Jessica, and now that he thought about it, he had waited a long time.

But he didn't regret it, he was happy he hadn't, at least he would actually remember who he lost it to. He knew Dean didn't remember anymore, though he did. He could remember seeing them in the hall and listening as the girl giggled and told all of her friends.

He had ground his teeth together and marched away angrily, he didn't know why he was so angry, but he was.

Dean lifted his head and smiled at Sam a big toothy grin before it very slowly vanished and he just stared at him with his head just tilted to the side.

Like he was confused or thinking hard about something; dear god, this could be it.

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Sooooo, how'd you like it? You can tell me in a review! Thanks for all the reviews so far! If you have any requests for what you would like to see feel free to say something!

Please, don't flame, if you dont like it, well... tell me why in a nicely worded review!

PLEASE REVIEW! Love you all!


	9. Chapter 9

Warmth in the Winter

Chapter nine:

I don't own anything, not the characters, setting, or anything

{The Quotes will never have anything to actually do with the story, they are just there}

Quote: "Don't Insult the Alligator until after you've crossed the river."

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Dean watched Sammy closely; why was he being nice, why was he reminiscing in memories, what was up with memory lane? Just to get him to smile?

Just to laugh?

If he planned on killing him, he would have done it while he slept, or maybe while he was eating, hell even while he was wide awake and not doing anything, but he wouldn't have waited this long and just made him smile and laugh with him.

Sam had most likely sat there all night while he was asleep and vulnerable; never mind alone and useless.

But he had also stayed here all morning and it was close to noon and Sam hadn't even breathed wrong on him… he hadn't even gone within five feet of him!

Dean used his free arm to massage his left temple as a dull throb began.

Maybe this was the real Sammy, and he had killed the monster that looked like Sam?

No! Sam had left him, had left him and hadn't looked for him while he had been captured.

Bobby had sent for him to come get him, he hadn't come of his own accord.

He had left him and he had continued to hunt like nothing was wrong.

Dean couldn't trust this man, this wasn't his brother, it was a monster waiting to kill him.

But he wouldn't let that happen, he would kill him first.

Sam watched as the emotions flitted across his brothers face and then grim determination landed and didn't move… he was either determined to fix their relationship; or he was screwed.

With one more look on Dean's face he realized it was the later, and he was very much screwed.

"Dean, um, I know I have no right to say what I'm about to say, but can I just say one thing about the time when you were gone?" he asked slowly.

Dean's eyes stared Sam down, but Sam ignored the death glare like only he could and had so many times and Dean rocked back a bit when he realized only Sammy could ignore his death glare, even the monsters in the metal hell had to look twice before laughing nervously and continuing with whatever they were about to do.

No one could ignore that look but Sammy.

"While you were away, for the first month I searched California, thinking you were still there; I was obviously wrong… then for another few months I stayed with Julie while we slowly crossed the country going through the states you had gone through. It was nearly impossible to track you down, no one on the other side would tell where you were. Then for two months, we were in New York, but monster after monster attacked and we had to fight our way just to the parking lot of our motel. After two months of searching warehouses and woods, we finally decided it would be easier to look if we could cover more ground; so we got a copter. Then, on our eighth try that night I think, we had found the right one.

But you have to understand, I tried so hard, and I'm so damn sorry that it took so long, and I'm sorry I couldn't get there earlier, and I'm sorry I let it happen, but I never left you, and I never stopped looking, I swear, ask anyone, ask the other side of the veil, I never stopped looking."

Dean looked away from Sammy's eyes. He knew he wasn't using the god damn puppy dog eyes on purpose because he wasn't leaning forward like he did when he did them on purpose. But they still worked just as good, if not a bit more because he knew it wasn't fake.

Dean tried not to listen as Sam told him his lies, but the sincerity, and honesty he saw and heard pouring from him forced his eyes up to his face and he watched as deep and honest emotions washed over Sam's face.

He knew that he was being honest by the way his hands moved, whenever he was lying he either tried too hard, or his hands didn't move as much as they normally would.

Sam gestured around the room vaguely as he talked about searching everyone for him and his chest tugged painfully as he thought about Sam fighting his way to him.

He didn't want Sammy in any kind of trouble without him there to bail him out or save him, he shouldn't have been fighting without him! What if he got hurt?

His eyes raked over Sam again and again, desperately trying to make sure he was okay but he couldn't see Sam, he was covered in clothes, he wasn't letting him tend to his wounds, was he hurt? He wasn't there to sew him up!

"Dean, look at me!" Sam said in a commanding tone.

Dean's eyes snapped up to Sam's and his breath caught in his throat when he saw Sam's eyes.

They were so open and pained.

"I'm not hurt, I'm okay, I'm right here." He said firmly.

Sam knew exactly what Dean had been thinking when his eyes had been going all over him and his face was pained and panicked.

He had seen Dean like that many times before. His first hunt and Dean had nearly undressed him down to his bones looking for anything even close to a bruise or scratch.

His second, third, fourth, and fiftieth hadn't been any better.

Now that he thought about it, Dean never really stopped being so worried after hunts, he just disguised it better. By the subtle way he would slap him on the back as if he was just happy about the hunt but watching his face to see if pain flitted across it from the contact. Or the way he would give Sam a drink and watched how he drank it, how much gusto, where he pressed it, how he held it.

Dean looked at his brother, eyes wide and he nodded his head. Sammy was okay, he was okay.

Sam wasn't hurt. And neither was he. Everything was okay.

Alright, he was a little hurt, but that was to be expected… wait, a little?

Shouldn't he still be crying in pain and hitting the med button like a crack addict?

He looked down at the blankets and quickly threw them off of himself. He couldn't feel anything bad, he just felt… normal.

His shattered leg, didn't feel shattered. In fact, it felt just as good as his other one.

He slowly put his left hand onto his right shoulder and prepared for the pain but it never came.

He unclipped the sling that was so tight he hadn't actually been able to move or feel it this whole time.

When the sling was off he let it fall to the ground and he moved his arm around; nothing.

He put both arms high above his head and stretched, cracking his shoulders and neck but feeling no pain…

He leaned forward and very gently touched his shattered leg; when the white hot blinding pain didn't begin he pressed harder.

Finally, after searching for pain anywhere on his body he swung his legs over the side of the bed.

Sam knew what Dean was doing, he was searching himself for injuries. That's when the problem snapped into his mind.

He might not be hurt, what if he was healed like the doc said he would be?

It had been two weeks since he had been last hurt, and with the monster juice running through him, without any more physical problems being made, he would be heeling faster.

With all the sleep, juice, and meds in him, he could damn well be healed already.

Sam slowly stood up in his chair, watching as Dean felt his arm then moved it around.

His upper body seemed to be healed… perfect, just what he needed right now.

Sam's eyes widened and he panicked slightly when Dean swung his legs and set his feet onto the ground before putting his hands down and pushing up.

Dean stood on his legs for a while, just letting himself get used to the weight and feeling of standing again.

Then he slowly moved his shattered leg and slight pain ran up but not what he had been expecting.

He set the foot down and leaned on it then sat down again.

There was still pain, but not enough; this wasn't right, something wasn't right.

He was about to ask Sam what was going on when he stopped, realizing he was actually about to talk to him!

"Dean, just sit down and I'll get the doctor!" Sam said quickly, Dean could see the real open panic; so he must not know what was going on either.

Dean laid back down in the bed and Sam ran from the room before yelling for the doctor and Bobby.

On cue two set of feet ran up the stairs. It sounded more like a stampede of hippos than two men.

They both looked around the room and relaxed slightly when they saw Dean was not trying to kill Sam.

"What's going on?" the doc said looking at Dean's scared and pissed face.

"Dean here was just walking around, and um, his sling is no longer needed." Sam said awkwardly.

Bobby and the doctor winced and he shot daggers at the both of them.

They knew what was going on? And they hadn't told him?

"Dean, tell us what happened." The doc said.

Sam watched as Dean just leaned back crossing his arms, his "you have no right to talk to me, you're lucky your still alive" face on.

The doctor winced but Sam stepped forward, knowing Dean didn't know he had known about this.

"Well, Dean thought I was hurt while I was talking about a hunt and he began looking me over for any harm, and then he began looking himself over for anything when he most likely realized he wasn't feeling any pain… So he took his sling off and moved his arm around freely. Then he felt his body and leg then stood up. After a few steps I told him to get back in bed and I'd call you in to explain."

The doctor caught on and didn't let on that Sam knew.

"Dean, while you were… away… you were being given a serious and strong healer. It had the ability to heel you so no matter what was done, you wouldn't die. We don't know if a witch made it, or if it was from one of the… people that took you." The doc said it in his doctor tone, that meant he was emotionally detached.

Dean stared at him and silently cursed at him, Sam could tell.

Sam read Dean's expression for a good ten minutes before speaking for him "He says if he had his gun he'd shoot you then shoot Bobby in the arm. And he says that if you ever keep something from him like this he'll kill you again."

Sam read Dean's expression for another few minutes before speaking again "And he wants you to stop sugar coating things and to tell it to him straight. He says hes not a pussy and he wants to know what's really in him making him all hyped up and heeling."

Dean looked over at Sam and Sam quickly spoke up again "and he says if he doesn't like the answer he will shoot you."

Dean leaned back satisfied with the translations.

Bobby and the doctor looked between the boys in utter shock. Did Sam just… read his mind? Why were they so calm about this?

"Sam, did you just read his mind?" the doctor asked shocked before Bobby could.

Sam actually laughed at that and Dean scoffed rolling his eyes.

"No, I just know what he's thinking."

"Isn't that mind reading?" Bobby said sarcastically.

"Well, yeah, but I can't actually hear his thoughts, I just KNOW what he's thinking." He said emphasizing the word know as if they would get it.

"So, you know what hes thinking all the time?" the doc clarified.

"Well, I know Dean is bored right now and really wishes he still had his knife on him…" he said trailing off.

The two older men looked at Dean's face and got the same message Sam had loud and clear.

"Alright, the real thing we think is either a witch really did make something and it healed you and stopped you from dying or you got some juice from the shifter hybrid. You know how a shifter takes a form and doesn't change unless it wants to change?"

At Dean's nod he continued "Well we believe that because you got something from the shifter that whatever your form was at the beginning, it would keep healing to that. That's why your old scares are still there, your tan from working in the outdoors is still there though you spent months inside, or why you keep changing back to what you were before, and healing. Because if you pulled a shifters ear off, it would just go back on, good as new."

Dean leaned back and absorbed this new information. He doubted it was some special juice made from a witch. The one about the shifter made so much more sense, and the one about the witch didn't fit with things like his tan. If the witches brew just healed him and kept him from dying, he would have lost his tan and muscles, but he still had them.

He knew the doc and Bobby didn't really believe in the whole witch thing but it was just thrown in to give him hope monster juice wasn't coursing through his veins right now.

He looked up at Sam and he read his expression for a few seconds before turning to the older men.

"He says he wants to be left alone, and that its going to take some time for him to think everything over."

"Why isn't he talking to us?" Bobby asked after a second.

"Well, it's for two reasons. One, I'm in the room; and two is because he feels betrayed that you guys didn't tell him about this when you first found out."

Before anyone could speak Sam added on another bit "he also wants to know when he will be cast and bandage free."

Though he hadn't been thinking it, he was now.

"In a week's time with the way he's recovering" the doc said before straightening and taking his leave.

Dean leaned back in a bit of shock, he had been tortured for half a year, and he would be healed in only three weeks?

And the doc hadn't thought about sharing this bit of information with him?

Sam noticed the look on Deans face and he realized he was thinking too hard on something.

He looked around for something to distract Dean with before he started making things worse than they really were in his mind when he saw the photo that had been such a problem a while ago and grabbed it off of the chair at the end of Dean's bed.

"So, should I get rid of this or leave it?" he asked quickly, holding it up and showing it right to Dean.

Dean's eyes widened and he backed up slightly, not expecting that and his mind snapped out of whatever he was thinking about and focused on the picture.

He went to put his hand out for it but then pulled back hesitantly.

"It's okay, you can take it." Sam said as if talking to a small child.

Instead of snapping or saying something with a swear and defiance he took comfort in the tone of voice Sam used with him, the other Sam had never used that voice with him.

He slowly began stretching his arm out but pulled back a fraction when Sam began to outstretch his as well.

"It's alright." Sam said quietly, holding the photo out slowly.

Dean opened his slightly curled fingers more and Sam placed the picture in his hand.

Dean retracted his hand quickly, making sure he didn't touch Sam's skin with his and placed the picture down onto the nightstand.

He was shocked to see the doc and Bobby were gone and he settled back into his bed while Sam took his seat where Dean could see him but still left plenty of space between them.

Sam opened a random book and began reading in his head, glancing up every few minutes to check on Dean.

Dean however, was just sitting up, head tilted back, eyes shut closed, his breathing slow and controlled.

Sam couldn't see it, but he had his hands hidden under the blanket; where they were shaking slightly.

His upper body shook for a second and he was relieved when Sam looked up after a second before reading on; he hadn't seen it.

He sat still, focusing on keeping calm and not drawing attention to himself.

After another few seconds Sam glanced up and as he was about to look down again he noticed the slightest of movements come from Dean's body.

He narrowed his eyes and studied his brothers form. He didn't look like he was having a seizure, to calm and not shaking, but he hadn't shivered.

Sam stared hard at Dean and his eyes snapped down to something under the blankets, seeing the form of a hand shaking slightly.

The damn bastard was hiding a seizure from him!

"Dean, it's okay, it's okay." He soothed standing and slowly taking a few steps closer.

Dean's upper body shook after a second and finally he couldn't control it any longer. He let his body slump down so he was flat and just his head was slightly lifted on a bent pillow and his eyes opened to stare at Sam.

Sam's life shattered as Dean's eyes sought out his.

They were glassy with tears. His eyes showed the pain, exhaustion, hurt, fear, loss, desperation, and all of his pent up emotions.

"Want me to get Bobby?" Sam whispered kneeling in front of Dean's face so he could see him at eye level.

Dean's eyes closed and his head jerked a little but he turned back and stared Sam in the eyes "no" he managed to get out.

"What can I do?" he all out pleaded.

"Stay- stay with me." Dean said trying to get it out before his body began shaking harder.

"I'm not going anywhere." He promised, taking Dean's healed but still bandaged hand into one of his and giving it a small squeeze.

Dean's body kept shaking for a while but he seemed to be rational; which was something new.

"What do you need?" Sam asked worriedly watching Dean continue to shake.

"Milk, Tryptophan, whichever's closer."

Sam quickly jumped up, not really knowing what Tryptophan was but it sounded like a pill so he grabbed the docs med bag and began rummaging through it.

"It's not in here!" he cried out panicked.

"Milk, warm" Dean bit out before clamping his teeth together and wincing.

Dean didn't have the strength or will power to tell Sam that the bottle of pills was in the draw in the nightstand, close to him in case the doc needed to get to it fast but far enough away that Dean couldn't get to it; he thought the doc thought he was going to down the whole bottle or something.

Sam ran from the room, and Dean nearly smiled in relief when he thought about the milk.

But then it lightened up and Dean knew it would come back but he had a few seconds, he could get the pills, he just had to get up, sit up, reach over, opened the bottle, swallow, it was so easy, he could do it!

He pulled his arms out, though they were shaking he put them down sturdily on the mattress and pushed with all of his might, until he was sitting up.

He could hear the microwave running and knew Sam would be here soon, he could do it.

He breathed heavily, his head pounding, heart pounding, chest pounding, his whole goddamn body was pounding damn it and he wanted it to stop!

He reached out, hand falling on air and he pushed it farther before letting it drop again; this time it came into contact with the wooden top.

He slid his hand around, not quite able to see right at the moment.

He grabbed the handle and slid the drawer open, dropped his hand inside, grabbed the bottle, pulled it to his chest, opened the top; god he was so close… when his body spasmed and he fell down onto the bed, shaking, pills flying all over him, the bed, the floor and all hope was lost.

Huston, we have a problem.

He couldn't control himself, he hated this, not being there physically or mentally.

He pulled his arms tightly around his chest, unknowingly pulling the bottle to his chin and mouth and he choked as some pills sprung into his mouth.

Sam put the glass down quickly before pulling his brother up and holding him tightly, urging him to swallow, to relax, to try to breathe, to do anything!

After a second Dean somehow swallowed them while shaking like a leaf and Sam watched as convulsions simmered down to just shaking again.

He pulled Dean up into a sitting position and laid him back against the upright bed.

Dean's head fell back and his eyes slid shut but Sam quickly put a hand behind his neck and held his head up, putting the warm milk to his lips and tipping just a little.

Dean drank the milk slowly, taking sips and Sam nearly began sobbing when the shaking slowed and his brother was just sitting and drinking the milk quietly.

Sam had forgotten what it was like to feel that helpless in the few short days that had been going so well.

It was so terrifying that he had to sit down in the chair beside Dean's bed and he panted slightly, out of breath from his run up here and the adrenaline.

"I think I'm going to be okay now." Dean said quietly placing the empty glass onto the nightstand.

"I'll clean up the pills, salvage the ones on the bed then get rid of the others. I'll tell the doc that you need a new bottle." Sam said before running to the hall and opening one of the supply closets. He pulled out the dustpan and brush then got to work on the floor, under the bed, pills scattered around, some that rolled under the nightstand. Anywhere he could find.

Once he was done and those were thrown away he began brushing the survivors with his hand back into the bottle, trying his hardest not to even touch Dean or put any pressure on his blanket covered form.

His hands ghosted over his legs and he held his breath waiting for the punch in the face or kick to the groin but it never came.

He peeked through his tightly closed eyes to see Dean hadn't even moved. His head was still laid back against the pillows and his eyes were shut… was he sleeping? Right after that? Dean really could sleep after anything or anywhere.

He quickly finished his job and screwed the cap onto the bottle before placing it next to the glass and looking at the still open drawer.

Dean must have sat up on his own and gotten them from the drawer; he had one hell of a bone to pick with that doctor; the god damn nerve of him putting them out of Dean's reach and not telling him where they were.

He slowly left the room, hanging in the doorway not wanting to yell incase he woke Dean but not wanting to let his eyes off of him.

He leaned against the door frame and looked his brother over.

He looked INCREDIBLY good… for someone in his situation of course…

Sam shifted uncomfortably but shrugged it off and looked his brother over again.

Dean's arms were right under his chest, they weren't so much as crossed as they were cradling himself, the clear tube running from his hand and into the IV bag, but not turned on.

Like he was holding himself together.

He was wearing a short sleeved shirt so his tanned and muscled arms were visible and Sam was almost glad that he had shifter juice running through him, not only because it healed him but also because he couldn't picture his brother without a tan; whether it was a dark one or a light one it didn't matter. And without his muscles, if Dean looked any different, it would have been harder for them both.

It would have made him feel like more of a failure and Dean would have had to look at himself and see what had happened, right there. He would have never been able to take it.

Besides, Dean liked how he looked, hell he loved the way he looked.

And Sam liked it too, he would be the first to admit that his brother was in very good shape, tan, toned, muscles, and Sam would never admit it, but he liked the clothes Dean picked for himself to.

The jeans that- _Whoa! Hold on! Stop right there! The fuck are you doing? Checking out your sleeping and hurt brother?_

_No wonder he flinches when he sees you!_

_Imagine what he would say if he knew what you were thinking!_

_Okay, calm down, you weren't checking him out, just, looking him over. Trying to assess the damage, see what had changed, what didn't…_

_Yeah, that was all… um, maybe we should go get the doctor now... _

_Good idea!_

He quickly turned and headed down the hall, unaware of Dean's eyes peeking open and watching him as he left.

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Dean had known Sam was standing in the doorway and watching over him for a while; and he could practically feel the conflicted emotions rolling off of him.

He sighed and snuggled his head down into the pillow, his butt slightly sore from sitting up still but he ignored it and pretended to be asleep.

In less than a minute he could hear Sam's feet running up the stairs and his ears practically burned with how hard he was listening.

Sam was walking away from the bed, he was sitting down in the chair ten feet away, he was grabbing the book on the floor, he hadn't turned the page in ten minutes so he wasn't actually reading.

The doctor walked in a half hour later, carrying a new bottle of pills and a somber expression.

"What were you thinking?" he heard Sam hiss angrily.

"I didn't want them in dean's reach. What with how much he's gone through, I didn't want him to get any ideas." The doc replied defending himself.

"Dean wouldn't kill himself! He wouldn't leave me alone!" Sam snapped quietly.

"He wouldn't have before the shape shifter took on your form, but now, I don't know what he's going to do; you were the ONLY thing holding him to this earth, now with the apocalypse he doesn't really have any meaning here. And he damn well knows it!"

"Of course he has purpose or meaning! He's my brother-"

"But right now you might as well be any other monster to him, he's hiding it, damn he's hiding it good, but there is no fucking way he can be okay! He just can't! No human can go through what he has in the last six months and smile all the time like he is!"

Dean could hear the frustration in the docs voice, but honestly, he wasn't really hiding anything; well that was bull shit. His whole god damn life was hidden, a lie, he wasn't going to start spouting the truth now!

"That's how Dean is! That's how I know hes going to be okay, because he's already burying it, hes already preparing himself to get back onto the road, can't you see what hes doing? I don't even think he knows hes doing it anymore. But he digs a hole, drops all the shit that happens into it, then he bury's it and drives away. And in a week, month, year, decade, he'll talk about it."

The doc sighed frustrated and put the bottle down a little harshly onto the desk.

"You don't understand, he carry's knives on him, guns, pills, has a crazy fucking job, he could make his suicide look like an accident, or killed in the line of duty, but what if he suddenly starts slacking on hunts, hoping to be killed. He can't keep hiding it, and I don't want to be the reason he's dead!"

"DEAN WOULDN'T DO THAT TO ME!" Sam finally yelled; more like screamed.

Dean jerked up, his eyes snapping open and he looked around.

Though he had been awake, one; he knew he had to pretend to wake up from that, and two; he had honestly jerked when Sam yelled like that.

He had only yelled like that twice. Once when he was on a hunt and it had gotten a little hairy and two; while having a fight with dad. But the fight had gotten so bad that their dad hadn't come home in two weeks.

They both spun towards him and he knew he looked a mess.

His hair was probably everywhere, his clothes were ratty, he didn't know if he was pale or flushed from what had gone down but he was sure one or both of them.

"I'm sorry Dean, go back to sleep." Sam said quietly, Dean could tell he felt like smacking himself for waking him up.

Dean slowly laid back down and looked at the doctor looking insulted.

Great, he was now on suicide watch, and only two days before his birthday which was going to be hell anyway; his life officially sucked.

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I hope you liked it! Please REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!

If you have any suggestions for what should happen on Dean's birthday or what you would like to see, what he should get, who should show up, tell me in a review!

LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH! More is to come!

So, i hope none of you forgot about the big question! Why he was so important and what the questioning was about while he was kidnapped. Im thinking he's going to mention something about it in the next chapter? Maybe someone will mention how weird it was and he will say something? Anyway, tell me what you think and you will get to see if you're right in the next chappie!


	10. Chapter 10

Warmth in the Winter

Chapter ten:

I don't own anything.

{The Quotes will never have anything to actually do with the story, they are just there}

Quote: "He's so lazy that if there were work in bed, he would rather sleep on the floor." - Paddy O'Dea

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"Sam so help me god I will drag you out of here and sedate you if you don't get some sleep!" the doctor finally snapped.

Sam's head turned towards the doctor's form in the doorway before slowly turning back towards Dean.

He had hardly slept in fifteen days, and obviously it was starting to show.

"Look, I'll leave him when he's-"

"ASLEEP? Awake? Because no matter what you're always with him! Just get some sleep, I'll put a baby monitor in here so you can listen! But get some sleep!"

Sam thought about that for a second. With a baby monitor he could listen and he would know if Dean was asleep or awake.

"Alright, I guess I can sleep if you can get me a baby monitor." He finally agreed.

"Thank you!" he gasped exaggerated.

Sam slowly stood up and looked longingly one more time at Dean before leaving the room with the doc.

"Okay, here we go, one baby monitor and one bed. Just what the doctor ordered." The doc said smirking slightly.

"Here, drink this would ya?" he said holding out a glass of water.

Sam nodded and took the cup before drinking it down and handing it back to the doc. It only took ten seconds for him to fall back and collapse onto the bed, completely passed out.

"Damn idiot." He muttered before shutting the monitor off and leaving the room.

He slowly walked into Dean's room to see him sitting up and writing something inside a book.

"What you got there?" he asked walking over to him.

In two seconds flat the book was stuffed under Dean's butt and the pencil was on the nightstand.

"Alright, I can take a hint, I'm unwanted here." He said smiling anyway.

Dean leaned back and eyed the doctor before speaking.

"So, I hear Sam was just drugged, I figure, I have ten hours with him passed out?" he asked casually.

"How'd you hear that?" the doctor asked shocked.

"I have a baby monitor in my room, I think you put the wrong ones in the wrong rooms. I could hear you talking in here and then in Sam's room. And I watched you put some drops in his water a few minutes ago."

The doctor blushed slightly at being caught and messing up the monitors but didn't apologize.

"That boy hasn't slept in two weeks, he NEEDS to sleep. He's running himself into the ground watching you, taking care of you, helping you. Anything you need or want you name it, he'll get it for you. No matter what it is he'll get it."

Dean felt slightly guilty at this but quickly squished down the uncommon feeling.

"So, are you talking to me and Bobby again?" he asked conversationally.

"I was never REALLY ignoring you two, I was just mildly pissed that you thought you had the right to hide something from me that had to do with my body and what's going on. You really didn't have any right."

And dammit, he was right and the doc knew it.

This time the doc had the sense to look sorry and he apologized for keeping it from him.

"Anyway, with Sam not here for the rest of the day, I don't have an interpreter and I'm not just going to sit in silence."

The doctor laughed at that. So it had nothing to do with him forgiving them, he just didn't want to sit in silence. Just like a Winchester.

"So, have you thought about what's coming up?" the doc hedged after a second.

"Don't you dare say another apocalypse is coming because I will kill you right now." Dean warned.

God, he had already died two hundred times, stopped one apocalypse, been tortured for ten months of his life, four of those months were in hell. If the angels started screwing around again he would just kill himself, go to heaven, then kill all the angels himself; they were staring to get on his nerves.

The doctor actually laughed at what he said. And just like a true hunted his mind is always on the fight and not the date.

"No Dean, tomorrow is your birthday."

Dean jerked back and looked as if he had been scandalized.

"Excuse me?" he asked leaning forward slightly with a look of absolute shock on his face.

"Your birthday, its tomorrow." He said confused.

"Look, I'm not sure if you know this, but the last time I celebrated my birthday was when I was four, that's twenty five years, I really don't plan on having birthday bashes now."

"Look, all I'm saying is Sam isn't gonna let this go either. He's gonna get you something and if you don't want us to embarrass you just tell us a couple of things you want."

Dean thought for a second, what did he need?

"Well, I could use some more cleaning supplies for my guns, I think I've just about used up all mine, I need some more rope, a couple more knives, you said my things were in the car so I should still have all my weapons but I want to get a few more incase-"

"Dean, what do you WANT, not need. What is it that you want?"

"World Peace" he said sarcastically.

"Don't tell that to Sam, he'll go out and try to get you your world peace."

Dean snorted his agreement and leaned back smiling.

"I wouldn't mind a Barbie and pink wand."

The doc stared at him, mouth slightly open "Okay, back on the meds" he said smiling.

Dean laughed with the doc before looking up at the ceiling.

"I wouldn't mind my laptop."

"Alright, I'll get it from your car, but think about the things you want before I get back."

Dean saluted him before looking back up and closing his eyes.

What did he want? He had never asked for anything, he always asked what Sammy wanted, what did Sam want, what did Sam need, what did his dad want, what did his dad need, what did the people they were helping want, what did they need, and what did he have to do to get those people what they wanted and needed?

He had never really sat down and wrote a god damn Christmas list or had a birthday party.

Sure he did little things for Sam every year for Christmas and birthdays, but that was it.

What did he want?

The car was fine, he wasn't supposed to ask for something related to hunting, but, that was his whole life.

Maybe an iPod? Sam seemed to like his; he could ask for one of those with some good download sites so he could get all of his music.

Or maybe a new laptop? No he didn't need a new one, or an iPod, he had cassettes.

Wait, he wasn't supposed to be thinking about what he needed; right… damn.

"Here you go." The doc said walking in holding a slim black laptop.

"Thanks man, I don't think I've ever been this happy." He said sarcastically.

The doctor just rolled his eyes and set it up on Deans lap and plugged it into the wall charger.

"Think of some things while I make you something to eat."

Dean nodded absentmindedly as the doc left and he typed in his password.

The first thing he noticed was a pop up.

He clicked it and opened it slightly shocked, he never got pop ups.

"Warning!" he clicked on the tab and read through the information.

Apparently, people had tried getting onto his laptop, but it was locked and they didn't know the password.

So they kept trying different things but couldn't figure it out.

Then finally they tried hacking into it; but they hadn't expected Sam to back it all up so they still couldn't get on.

What would they want with his laptop? All he did on it was research hunts and watch porn… speaking of porn, come to daddy!

He opened the web browser and quickly typed in Busty Asian Beauties, rubbing his hands together in anticipation.

He smirked as the screen changed and he immediately clicked on the button stating he was eighteen or older then the enter button.

His eyes widened and he licked his lips at the first thing showed on the screen

"Baby I've missed you" he whispered rubbing the screen affectionately before clicking on a video and leaning back.

"Dean i was-"

Bobby froze, mouth hanging open as he looked at Dean.

Dean was leaning back against the bed smirking at his laptop, and coming from the laptop was porn.

At least he wasn't actually doing anything.

"Are you watching porn in my house?" Bobby asked incredulously.

"You can strip me of my free will, my pride, hell even my life, but you can NOT take away my porn." He said without glancing at Bobby.

Bobby rubbed a hand over his face. Only a Winchester.

"Boy, I was going to ask you about tomorrow-"

Dean slapped the laptop closed and turned a glare onto the older man.

"Why is everyone asking me about that! I don't care about it!" he snapped.

"Look, you may not care about your birth, but some of us do-"

"Bobby, I'm dead!" he yelled.

"What do you mean?" he asked confused.

"Well for starters, I don't think my birthday counts anymore, I've died so many times already. And two, as long as I have this god damn shifter juice in me, I can't change, which means I'm not aging. So I'm actually not going to be a year older because I'm six months behind!"

Bobby stared at Dean hard for a few seconds and he hated to admit it but the boy was right, he most likely hadn't been aging for the past six months, and even now with it still in him.

"I don't care, it's still your birth DAY, it doesn't matter if you're alive, dead, or in between, it's still the DAY."

Dean leaned back, then nodded once to him.

Bobby nodded back before walking further into the room.

"So tell me, what do you want?"

Dean laughed humorlessly and Bobby scowled.

"I have no idea Bobby, I guess an iPod but I don't really listen to music."

Bobby nodded "it doesn't matter if ya use it, it just matters that you don't need it and you're getting it."

Dean laughed slightly, birthdays were so weird.

Bobby smiled at the young man before leaving again, only to have the doc walk right in with a tray of food.

"It's more like brunch now, but whatever."

Dean slid the laptop down to the foot of the bed and held the tray on his lap thinking.

"Oh, could you call Bobby back in here? I forgot to mention something."

"Sure, one second."

Dean only had to wait seconds before Bobby was back in the room.

"What's up boy?" he asked sitting in the chair by his bed.

"I just wanted to say that while I was… away, they um, they tried to break into my laptop. I got a notification saying that people were trying to hack in, and they were trying to guess my passwords, but they couldn't get in so they just ditched it."

"What were they looking for?" Bobby asked shocked and confused.

"You got me, Sam, or, um, the shifter, he was always using Sam's laptop, I never let Sam use mine so it makes sense that he wouldn't know my password. But I don't know what they were looking for."

"But, they just took you to get even, what could they want with that? Besides porn?" he asked smiling slightly before getting serious again.

"Wait, I think I heard someone downstairs talking about something like that. I think it was Julie, she was talking about how none of this made sense and they would have needed an ulterior motive."

Dean looked up panicked but quickly schooled his features again.

"What do you mean?" he asked feigning confused.

"Well, she said that the way the other side was acting, it wasn't normal, even for them. She said that anyone that told where you were would be killed, not sent back, but killed. And she said that every monster in America, heck in the world was trying to get in with what was going on with you, and they were all stopping hunters from getting to you.

She also said that she could understand how everyone would want a piece of you considering how many things you've killed; but it just doesn't make sense, they would have to have a meaning behind it all.

Like they were trying to find something, or get something. And now that you just said the whole thing about the laptop, it does seem like they wanted something more than just you."

"Oh, just me? Is that all I am?" Dean snapped glaring at Bobby and crossing his arms.

"Oh come on, you know I didn't mean it like that-"

"Then how did you mean it Bobby? Because from what I can see-"

"Boy! Yeah, you're right, you have gone through more than any of us here, put together then times a thousand. But do not talk to me like I don't care for ya!"

Dean's glare softened until he was just staring at the bed sheets and he glowered a bit.

"Look, all I was trying to say is that they did want you, but they also wanted something else."

"Well, they did mention... no, never mind." He said quickly.

The doctor and Bobby both stared at him hard.

"Boy, what are you hiding?" Bobby asked after a second.

"Nothing, I'm not hiding anything." He said quickly, panicked.

"Dean…"

"NOTHING!" he yelled scooting back as much as he could.

"Dean, calm down, calm down!" Bobby said quickly, standing up with the doctor and going over to him.

"NEVER! I WONT SAY YES!" he screamed, falling off the right side of the bed and onto his butt, still in a sitting up position.

"Dean!" they both yelled going to the other side of the bed.

"I WON'T! NEVER!" He yelled crawling away.

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Sam stirred slightly in his bed; he could practically feel the panic in him, though it wasn't his.

He rolled over, something churning in his stomach, something that he did not like the feeling of.

"I WON'T! NEVER!" someone yelled.

He groaned and rolled over again, what was that noise? And why wouldn't it stop?

"DON'T TOUCH ME! SAM! PLEASE STOP! Sam!" someone screamed, crying at the end.

Sam jerked up, his mind felt slow, foggy, heavy.

He stood up and slowly walked into the room where the racket was coming from.

Dean was cowering in a corner, and Bobby and the doctor were both leaning over him trying to help him up and calm him down.

"EVERYBODY KNOCK IT OFF!" he finally yelled.

Everyone froze, Dean cowered back and whimpered. He dragged himself across the room and over to the three men.

He lowered his hand and opened it, palm up for Dean to take.

After a very long wait Dean timidly outstretched his hand and put it in Sam's.

Sam hoisted Dean up and sat him down firmly onto the bed before pushing him back so he was laying on his back.

"Now shut the fuck up and let me get some sleep." He snapped before throwing himself on Dean's side and promptly falling back asleep.

Everyone stood frozen, slightly confused, and a little humored.

"Dean, are you okay?" Bobby finally asked quietly.

"I'm sorry, I just, I lost it for a second, I don't know what happened." He said rubbing his face, and pointedly not looking down at the bed where Sam lay on his left.

"You started yelling, no and never, that you wouldn't say yes, what were you talking about?" the doc asked.

"I don't feel much like talking right now, maybe later' I just want to sleep." He said, body wracked with suppressed sobs.

"Alright, we'll carry Sam-"

"JUST GO!" he snapped turning his head and wiping his eyes quickly.

Bobby and the doc left after a lot of contemplating, leaving Sam on one side of the bed.

Dean quickly sank down so he was flat like Sam and pulled the blankets up over their heads crying quietly.

He was shocked when an arm went around his waist and pulled him into a warm body but didn't fight in fear he would wake him up.

"Shhh" Sam whispered quietly.

Dean slowly began relaxing in Sam's arms, he wasn't sure if Sam was awake or not, but he was almost positive he was still asleep.

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Sam peaked an eye open, exhausted and feeling groggy, he had never felt like this; he supposed this was how you felt right before you fell asleep from being sedated; and if he had been rational he would have realized the doc had slipped him something to make him sleep but he just smiled dopily and wrapped an arm around the body in front of him and pressed himself to their back.

Not caring who they were and only liking the warmth coming from them.

But it wasn't long before he realized the person was shaking from crying "Shhh" he whispered rubbing his hand on someone's clothed stomach; which felt oddly strong and defined to be a woman's… but whatever.

And before he knew what was happening he was falling back to sleep.

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The first thing that registered in Dean's mind was that he was being watched. The second was that there was something, or someone warm pressed up behind him and an arm was slung over his hips and a hand was resting on his stomach. The third was that he was not freaking out which meant two things. He had finally cracked, or the person behind him was Sam.

He was seriously hoping it was the first option.

He slowly leaned back and closed his eyes and he was pressed against a body. Which meant he wasn't crazy and this was a body, and it was Sam's.

He pulled in a couple of deep breaths before turning his head. Except he didn't flinch.

He watched Sam's face as he slept, honest to god peaceful expression, no stress, worry, nightmares, just, peace.

And god damn if that wasn't the nicest expression he had ever seen on his brothers face then he didn't know what was.

"You okay Dean? Want me to take him out for now?" a voice asked from a rocking chair in the corner of the room.

Dean laid his head back down and held his breath. Dear god, the doc and Bobby had been taking shifts and had seen him snuggling with a dude. He would never live this down.

"Can you help me sit up?" he whispered trying not to wake Sam.

He listened as there were some creaks and then the doc was on his side of the bed- well it wasn't like this was his side of the bed and Sam always took the other side, because he didn't. It wasn't, it's not, he never, oh god!

The doc slowly pulled Sam's arm off of him then helped him into a sitting position so he was leaning on the pillows and head board.

"You want to go sit by the window in a chair?" the doc asked after much contemplation.

Dean's head snapped up and he stared at the doc before nodding his head and slowly taking the blankets off of his body but leaving them on Sam.

The doc stood back as Dean very slowly dragged his legs over the side of the bed until his feet were resting on the floor and he planted his hands firmly on the edge of the mattress.

He pushed his body up and staggered forward slightly but the doctor caught him.

"Easy now, take it-"

But Dean didn't wait for his comment to finish because he was pushing away from him and walking towards the window where there was a small rocking chair.

He looked back at the bed before walking to it and grabbing his pillows and one throw blanket then making his way back over to the window.

He placed the pillow on the seat of the chair then slowly sat down on it. He snuggled until he was comfortable then he tucked himself into the blanket and turned the chair so his back was to the bed and he was looking out the window and down at his baby parked with all the other cars.

"It's almost ten (pm), Sam will be waking up soon, when you want to go back to the bed just get help from someone." He whispered before walking out.

Dean leaned back in the chair and began rocking slowly.

He laid his head back and closed his eyes, imagining he was small again, sitting in his moms lap while she rocked him in their old rocker that used to be in his room before it was moved to Sammy's.

He pictured his mom running her hand through his hair and singing to him softly, rocking him to sleep after a cookie and glass of milk.

He ignored the tears that slipped down his face and continued with the memory.

Then, baby Sammy would cry from his room, and dad would bring him in to see his mommy, and Dean would get to hold his little brother and smile up at his two parents and would proclaim "look mommy, I'm taking care of Sammy! He loves me!"

And his mom would say "that's right baby, Sammy loves you, and daddy loves you, and mommy loves you. We all love you very much."

And he would smile down at Sam's cute little chubby face and wiggle his finger in front of it then Sam would reach out with one chubby hand and grab hold of his finger.

And when he woke up, he wouldn't remember falling asleep, or going to bed, or being tucked in, or when his parents left with Sammy, but he would wake up and run to Sam's crib.

Once he saw Sammy was still there, and he was okay he would go in his room and play with his toy truck and soldiers while his mom sang and cooked pancakes.

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Sam watched from the still warm bed as Dean rocked himself in the chair near the window, that he had sat in for days trying to get Dean's approval.

And his heart tore in half as tears dripped from his eyes and down his face.

He didn't have the heart to call out or disturb whatever thoughts he was having so he just laid back down and watched him from the bed.

A number of things were going through his mind.

One, why was it dark, he distinctly remembered passing out in the room across the hall and saying he would only take a quick nap, but that was in the morning.

Two, he was in Dean's bed, and he knew for a fact Dean had just left the bed when he woke up, and he tried very hard not to wake him up.

Three, Dean was crying, he was crying and he had a small smile on his face and Sam hated to see him like this even if he was smiling.

And finally, Dean's birthday was tomorrow, he hadn't gotten him anything, he didn't know what he wanted, and he didn't even know what to do.

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So there goes another chapter, tomorrow is the birthday! And it is also the day when i finally tell you all what the big secret is.

Please REVIEW and tell me what you thought of it! And remember, please be nice, i'm no J.K. Rowling or Eric Kripke.

Suggestions for future chapters are welcome

I got 20 reviews! YAY! Thanks for the reviews! please keep reviewing!


	11. Chapter 11

Warmth in the Winter

Chapter eleven:

I dont own anything

{The Quotes will never have anything to actually do with the story, they are just there}

Quote: I don't care what they say; the first guy who milked a cow and drank it was a massive pervert.

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Sam waited an hour before sitting up and making his presence known to Dean.

Dean's head spun around but when he saw it was just Sam he turned back around and stared out the window.

"You know, I used to rock you to sleep when you were a baby?" Dean asked quietly.

Sam didn't know what was more shocking; Dean talking about their childhood or Dean talking to him.

He moved to the edge of the bed before stretching his body and standing up.

"Mom, she used to watch closely, make sure I didn't drop you, even though I was always sitting down and had a tight grip on you."

Sam smiled slightly and walked over to Dean before sitting down in the other chair next to the window.

"For your first birthday, god I thought mom was gonna bake you a house, she had baked a cake, cookies, brownies, fudge, made platters of food, she would always cook. If she was upset, she baked, if she was happy she cooked, if she was just in a happy mood and nothing could bring her down she was like sunshine. God nothing could bring her down."

Sam smiled wider and leaned forward slightly to look out the window with Dean.

The impala was outside, sitting on the dirt next to at least a hundred other cars that could never compare to the impala.

"You miss her?" Sam asked motioning to the car.

Dean smiled a dopey grin and nodded slightly.

"I haven't been behind the wheel in six months; almost seven. The doc wants me to wait a while longer until I've totally stopped having seizures incase I have a seizure or something behind the wheel and I can't control myself. I tried telling him nothing could make me seizure while behind the wheel of her, but he wouldn't listen."

Sam nodded sadly, knowing the doc was right and mentally kicking himself for bringing it up.

They sat in silence for a long time after that; Dean not looking at Sam because he didn't feel like getting whiplash from flinching and Sam didn't look at him because he was afraid of the expression he would see on Dean's face at him being so close.

"What do you really want for your birthday?" he asked quietly.

Dean laughed sarcastically before leaning back and closing his eyes.

"I want to get out of this god damn room, this house. I want to go outside, maybe drive around a bit, find somewhere quiet next to water like we used to and have a beer; anything besides sitting on my ass in that bed or a chair."

Sam thought about that, biting his lip as he wondered his chances of surviving the doc's wrath if he smuggled Dean out of the house and drove away with him.

Then again, Dean probably didn't mean he wanted to be out alone in the middle of nowhere with him. He just wanted out, not with him.

Still, he had some ideas now…

The doc walked in and Dean smirked. "Couldn't leave me for more than ten minutes?"

"Of you know how I can't resist you." He replied sarcastically dragging the sheets off of the bed and dropping them on the floor.

He changed the bed sheets, changed the flattening pillows, sprayed the room with some febreez, then walked out with the old sheets.

"What did you tell the doc and Bobby you wanted?"

"I said I wanted an iPod, how cracked is that?"

Sam actually laughed at that. Dean, with any piece of modern day technology, he just couldn't picture it. Though Dean was now great with a laptop because of the lessons from Frank from when Dean had first met him and Sam was on a hunt with a young teenage girl before this whole mess happened; which reminded him, Dean had never showed him how he had done those things… he would have to ask him at some point.

The doc walked back in and looked over to where the two boys were sitting.

"Dean, if you want, you can take a-"

"THANK GOD!" Dean cried out a smile breaking out on his face.

He gripped the arm rests on the chair and pushed up, holding still for a second before standing straight.

"A bath, with boxers on and Sam sitting in the doorway." He finished smirking.

Dean's jaw dropped and then he was laughing.

"Yeah, right, okay." He said between gasps and laughs.

"I'm serious, no showers in case you fall and crack your head, no baths alone in case you have a seizure and drown. So either Bobby will sit in the bathroom with you, or Sam can."

Dean's facial expression would have been hilarious if he didn't drop back down into the wooden chair and gape at the doc.

"I get seizures because of him! And you expect me to BATHE in front of him!" Dean yelled.

Sam flinched at what Dean said and closed his eyes.

He knew he shouldn't feel so hurt at what he said, he knew for a fact that Dean got seizures, and he got seizures from him, but it still hurt to hear his brother say it so bluntly, and with that expression and voice.

"Dean, you either let Bobby sit in there and watch you bathe, or Sam goes. Take your pick, or you don't bathe."

Dean's mouth opened and closed multiple times but nothing came out. Finally he snapped "I swear to god, get Bobby in here."

At that everyone's mouths fell open. Dean would rather have Bobby, BOBBY! Than Sam in the bathroom with him.

Sam did understand somewhere deep in his mind, that had he gone through what Dean did he probably would have felt the same way and did the same thing, but he couldn't stop that hurt and betrayal from creeping onto his face.

Dean ignored their expressions and slowly walked over to his bed.

"I, I guess I'll go get him…" the doc said before slipping out of the room in search of Bobby.

"Dean…" Sam said pained.

"I don't care if I hurt your feelings, or if you wanted to creep on me in the tub, I do NOT want you near me." Dean snapped.

Sam could feel his eyes burning as the tears built up and he tried so damn hard to keep them back but a few slipped out without his permission.

He quickly wiped his face with his hands, damn traitor tears and he could see how bad his crying had hurt Dean to.

"Dammit Sam! Why are you taking this personally?" Dean snapped.

Sam couldn't even answer, he just looked away and quickly swatted a few more tears from his face.

"That's not fair!" Dean snapped frustrated.

"I was the one that was taken, I was the one that was tortured by you, I should be the one crying because you're next to ME, you don't have the god damn right to cry because I hurt you!" he yelled, his hands fisted in his hair in frustration and annoyance.

But that didn't stop Sam from crying, if anything it made him cry harder!

Dean fought with himself as he watched Sam cry harder and before he knew it Sam had his back to Dean because he KNEW what Dean said was true. Sam didn't have a single right to be hurt, he didn't even have one.

And yet here he was, blubbering like a baby because of one thing!

Sam cried harder after those thoughts and he tried so hard to stop the tears but they came anyway.

He was wiping at his face furiously but no matter how much he didn't want to cry he did anyway.

Dean sighed, knowing Sam wasn't even crying about this anyway and he had been too hard on him, again.

It seemed like all he could do was screw up lately.

"Dammit Sam" he muttered before slowly inching his way to Sam.

Right at that second Bobby and the doc were about to walk in when they froze as they watched Dean manhandle Sam so he was standing and then he grabbed him and pulled him to his chest where he held onto him for dear life in a bone crushing hug.

And Sam hugged back just as hard.

They stood frozen in the doorway, seeing Sam's tear soaked face as his body shook with sobs and Sam's hands clutching tightly onto the back of Dean's shirt, fisting the material almost.

They slowly backed up so they were hidden in the shadows and watched through the crack of the door like Sam had done so many times.

It felt cruel, almost like going through their things or reading someone's diary, to be watching something so touching and intimate.

"Let's give them a minute." Bobby whispered.

The doc didn't want to leave but he slowly nodded and left with the older man.

Dean and Sam didn't break apart for a long time. Long after Sam's sobs lessened to hiccups, and after that to when they were just sniffles, and then even after that when they were silent.

Finally, after what seemed like ten years, Dean slowly peeled Sam off of him and held him at arm's length.

"Are you okay?" he asked timidly.

Sam laughed a watery laugh, like the one you did when you were about to cry and you laughed when someone asked you if you were okay when you so obviously weren't.

"Am I okay? I'm sorry, that was, I don't know what got into me, I'm-"

"Hey, it's okay. Now go get me some damn clothes, I'm taking a bath." Dean muttered before walking towards the bathroom.

Sam felt like shit as he watched Dean walk into the bathroom. Though it was a good kind of shit… shit that smelt like roses maybe?

He had basically just forced his rape and kidnapped survivor brother into doing what he wanted.

He didn't feel comfortable with Sam, and yet he had comforted him! He didn't want Sam in the bathroom with him, now Sam would get to out of Dean's guilt and discomfort.

He couldn't believe himself.

But at the same time, Dean had just freaking hugged him!

That was like, huge even before any of this. They didn't hug, and for never longer than five seconds.

So this was HUGE! And Sam had just had a damn good cry, and though he would never admit to it personally, crying was said to relieve stress and make you feel better.

And man he felt like he had just won a billion dollar lottery ticket.

He quickly grabbed the first pair of sweat pants and t-shirt he saw that were clean and very… painstakingly slowly walked to the bathroom door where the water had been running but was already turned off.

He stood in the doorway uncertainly before walking in and shutting the toilet lid and placing the clothes on it.

He walked back over to the cabinet facing the tub and slid down so he was sitting on his butt and facing the tub.

Dean had the water as high as it could go, and on the top was a thick layer of bubbles. He still had on his boxers and his t-shirt.

Dean laid his head back against the tiled wall and closed his eyes.

Dear god, the last time he had a hot bath was when he was four and his mom was still alive.

Sure he gave Sammy baths all the time, but that didn't mean he took them. At age four he had started taking showers, or using the cold water left from Sam's baths and that was only to wash up then get out.

Not even a second of time was wasted in the tub.

So to be sitting in a hot bath, it felt like heaven.

Sure the shirt was sticky and clinging to him and it was extremely uncomfortable, but he could manage, or ignore it the best he could at least.

Sam sat back and leaned his head back as well.

Honestly, he wouldn't have been upset if Dean had chosen Bobby, it wasn't that big of a deal, but when Dean had said he wanted Bobby's help and not Sam's, something had just happened and he had cried.

Dean had ALWAYS been the one doing things for him. Always helping him even when he didn't want the help. Hell he helped him when he didn't even realize he needed help!

So for the first time in half a year, Sam could actually help Dean with something.

Honest to god help him and Dean would no he did it and not some stupid made up kid.

And Dean had said no and asked Bobby, fucking Bobby!

Sure he was like their father, but seriously? In the fucking tub!

And he KNEW he was being irrational and selfish and was out of line and was pulling a major guilt trip with the puppy dog face and tears, but he couldn't even stop himself.

And he guessed in the end it actually worked but he still felt like he had screwed up.

"Dean, I'm really sorry, if you want I can go get Bobby-"

"Man, I swear to go if you offer to get Bobby I will personally kick your fucking ass." Dean said without even opening his eyes or turning his head.

Sam couldn't help the huge grin that swept across his face.

That was exactly what Dean would say. And it felt so good to hear that.

Dean was smiling to in fact. Because it did feel good to talk to Sam and to threaten him and play around with him.

Sam breathed in and was about to talk when he stopped and bit his lip.

"Well, don't just dramatically intake and then leave me hanging! Right at the climax to!" Dean said smirking slightly.

Sam flushed red at that but ignored it for a second.

"I was just wondering, about the shirt…"

"You're gonna have to take me on at least one date if you want me to take my shirt off for you." Dean said full on smirking now.

Sam burned bright red at that and sputtered "you know what I mean!" he finally managed.

He could practically see Dean rolling his eyes and chuckling.

After a second Dean replied "I was cold"

Out of all of the lies he could have said "I was cold" was the last one Sam expected to hear from dean.

Sam's face turned incredulous and he stared at Dean.

"Cold, that's the best lie you could think up? Seriously?" he asked laughing.

This time it was Dean that had a light blush creeping up his neck.

"Hey, don't hate on it." Dean said defensively.

Sam just laughed harder.

"God for someone that's a different person everyday you sure do suck at lying" And dean laughed with him at that because one day he was a movie produced and the next he was a singer from Antarctica.

But when it came to lying to Sammy, well he might as well have told him he was a goose from the planet purple here to steal his eggs.

That's about what Sam would hear when he tried to lie. And honestly, that's what he heard when Sam tried to lie to him. He just knew he was lying.

After a minute Dean became serious and prayed to any god that Sam wouldn't start crying again because then he was going to have to hug him again and his guilt was already eating his guts.

"I left my shirt on because you're in here." He said quietly.

Sam's face turned serious and he didn't say anything for a while.

What could he say? Finally he just opted to say "it's okay, I'm not offended or anything like that. But I just figured if you wanted to get clean and soak, with a dirty shirt, it might not work…"

Dean scowled because he had been thinking the same EXACT thing just moments before.

He had wanted to just sit there and soak and get clean. And with a dirty shirt on it was like taking a mud bath and expecting to come out clean as a rose.

"Bite me" he muttered before splashing Sam.

Sam jerked back when the water hit his face and he stared shocked at Dean before laughing, loudly.

That had to have been the last but best thing Dean could have done.

Splash him? Seriously? Like when they were kids and Sam used to splash Dean while he was giving him a bath? Seriously? That was just awesome.

He quickly slipped out of the room and walked quickly through the hall until he got to one of the closets, he grabbed a stack of towels from the linen closet but when he walked back into the bathroom they were dropped onto the ground without a seconds thought as Sam flung himself onto his knees and grabbed Dean's shoulders that were submerged and pulled him out.

Water was splashing around the tub, Dean was shaking, choking slightly.

"Damn it Dean you have the worst timing!" he swore slapping Dean's back and holding him up.

Dean spit up water while he shook and Sam clamped a hand on Dean's jaw to hold it closed when he started shaking harder and his teeth started clacking together.

He held onto Dean for dear life while he shook and finally after ten minutes he collapsed back against Sam's arms.

"Okay, there you go, calm down." Sam soothed holding Dean back as he tried to move around.

"Stay still, you're in the bath remember? See, just some water." Sam said taking Dean's hand and touching the water with it.

Dean was still shaking slightly but he seemed to understand he was in water.

"Are you okay? Can you breath okay? Did your chest hurt? Did you bump your head?" Sam asked, his hands already going to the back of Dean's head to feel around for anything like blood.

Dean hadn't cracked his skull or anything but there was a small bump from when he fell back and after a few good slaps on the back Dean's wheezing stopped.

"Okay, just calm down"

"I'm all wet" Dean cried quietly, eyes wide.

Dean had stopped shaking but his hands were wringing his shirt out like he was trying to dry it.

"Hey, you're in water remember?" Sam asked gently, putting one hand on Deans and pulling them away from his shirt.

Dean looked down as if just realizing he was in the tub then he slowly nodded.

"Oh…" he said trailing off confused.

"You're taking a bath, you had a seizure" Sam reminded him and Dean nodded.

The doc had said that Dean could be really confused after seizures, forgetting where he was or what he was doing before them.

Dean nodded again after a second before his hands went back to his shirt and began wringing it out.

"Hey it's okay, why don't you take it off, I'll give you a new dry one to put on, how about that?" Sam asked stopping Dean's hands again.

Dean looked up with wide eyes then back down to his shirt.

"I'm all wet…" he said trailing off.

Sam felt his heart breaking.

"Yeah, why don't we get you nice and dry and into bed huh?" he asked softly.

Dean looked down at the water confused "am I taking a bath?" he asked shocked.

"Yeah, you're in the bath."

"But, I thought I couldn't take baths because I had seizures and my leg…"

"The doc said you could as long as I was in here with you, that's why I'm here Dean, you had a seizure in the water but you're fine now." He said firmly at the end.

Dean nodded after a second of thought before looking back up slowly.

"Am I clean now?" he wondered

"You've been in there for a while, look, your fingers are turning to prunes." Sam teased gently.

Dean looked at his hands before a smile broke out onto his face and he laughed.

"Why don't we get you out and back into bed?" Sam said already going to hoist Dean up.

"Am I clean now?" he asked pulling back so Sam couldn't grab him.

"You're clean… oh… why don't you wash up again and I'll watch you okay?" he asked understanding what Dean meant.

Dean was asking him if he felt clean, which meant he felt dirty.

Dean nodded and began struggling with his shirt and Sam couldn't help but laugh a little.

"Put your arms up." He said laughing and standing over Dean.

Dean frowned but did as he was told.

Sam managed to peel the sticky and wet shirt off Dean and he dropped it in the sink.

Dean snuggled down lower and grabbed the bar of soap.

Sam winced when he saw the way Dean was scrubbing his skin.

"You're going to hurt yourself Dean." He said quietly, sitting back down at the edge of the tub.

Dean ignored Sam and continued to scrub his skin raw.

"Hey, come on, let me help, just, close your eyes or something." Sam said grabbing the soap from Dean and wincing again when he saw the red skin.

Dean frowned harder but leaned back and let his head rest on the wall. He closed his eyes and Sam sighed in relief.

He grabbed the face cloth and quickly rubbed the bar of soap in it getting it all soapy before setting the soap down.

He washed Dean's arms very carefully, ghosting over the spots where they were red so he didn't agitate them more.

Then he did Dean's legs then finally his chest.

Dean was practically humming by the time Sam was done with his whole body but back.

"Lean forward a little bit." Sam said quietly.

Dean leaned forward and Sam quickly began on his back. He was nearly healed from what had happened to him, which was good because his monster juice would be running thin in a week or so.

Sam just really hoped his leg would be completely healed before it left him.

"Okay, time to get out now." Sam said pushing Dean back and grabbing the towels that were on the floor.

He laid one out on the floor so he wouldn't slip once he was out and helped Dean stand up.

He laughed as Dean's boxers suctioned to his legs and helped him climb out.

"I can do it myself." Dean snapped though with no real heat.

They both knew Dean needed help; it was just a matter of pride.

"I know you can, I just want to help is all." Sam placated.

Dean nodded his agreement with Sam and Sam quickly grabbed him another two towels.

Dean wrapped on around his waist and the other was put on his head so he could dry his hair.

"You want me to stay in here while you get dressed or do you want me to listen in through the door?" Sam asked already knowing the answer.

"Sit on the toilet and face the wall." Dean said after a second.

Sam was shocked but listened, putting his clothes on the counter so he could sit.

Sam listened as Dean changed, making sure he didn't drop at any second and ready to swivel around and catch him at a seconds notice.

Dan changed without a problem, only struggling at one point but refusing Sam's help anyway.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity he was done.

Sam turned quickly and laughed at Dean's appearance.

His hair was either sticking to his head or up in the air and his clothes were hanging of him oddly.

"You are so stupid." Sam said laughing and straightening out Dean's clothes for him.

Dean grumbled under his breath but let Sam fix him because let's admit it, Dean could hardly pull his shirt on, never mind fix himself up.

"Come on, back into the bed with you, no more field trips for another few years." Sam said laughing.

Dean grumbled again but let himself be brought back into the bedroom.

"So, what made you seizure back in there?" Sam asked once Dean was tucked tightly into his bed so he couldn't move.

Dean looked up and he looked like a deer caught in headlights.

"What do you mean?" he asked after a second.

"Come on Dean, one second you're not looking at me, then I leave and come back and you're letting me wash you after a seizure, obviously something set you off."

Dean looked panicked and Sam quickly sat down in the chair beside Dean's bed.

"Hey, if you don't want to tell me you don't have to." He said quickly trying to calm Dean down so he didn't have a panic attack again.

"Sammy, Sammy, Sammy" and he kept looking around for something or someone.

"Hey, I'm right here, right here." Sam said grabbing Deans hand and putting it on his chest.

Dean froze and stared at his hand on Sam's chest then looked up at Sam's face. Before looking back to his hand then his face then his hand until finally he was just looking at Sam.

"See, I'm right here, RIGHT here, right now." Sam soothed.

Dean slowly relaxed, leaning back and breathing deeply.

"Sorry, I thought you left me again." He said shaking slightly.

Sam's expression looked as though he had been slapped.

If he thought his heart broke before now it was just shattered, the pieces blown away in the wind, gone.

"Dean…" he whispered pained.

"I watched you leave, you walked out the door and left me alone" he said panicked again.

Sam knew he was talking about all the times he had left while they were hunting and just now when he left Dean alone in the bathroom.

"I came back, I will ALWAYS come back to you. I only left for a second, then I came right back." Sam soothed holding Dean's hand tighter.

"You left me" Dean sobbed, shoulders shaking as he cried.

"Shh, I'm sorry, I'll never leave you again, I promise." Sam whispered grabbing Dean and pulling him into a tight hug.

Sam sat on the edge of Dean's bed and had his arms wrapped around Dean while he cried into the crook of his neck.

His whole body was shaking with the force of his sobs. Sam's heart twinged painfully as he held Dean tighter.

He didn't think he could feel any worse. He had never, ever, made Dean cry like this, ever.

Dean didn't cry, and when he did it wasn't loud or pained, it was quiet and tears slowly slid down his face. He didn't cry like this.

Bobby and the doc ran to the door when they first heard the crying, extremely worried something had happened or gone wrong.

But when they saw the brothers holding each other their hearts squeezed painfully.

"I'm pretty sure they're intimate…" the doc whispered after they had left and went back down into the kitchen.

Bobby stared at him in shock.

"They're sleeping together?" he asked wide eyed.

"Think about it, they can read each other better than anyone I know. Plus, they were destined from the start, you know, the whole apocalypse thing, they were destined to be with each other. And now, with everything Dean went through he still wants Sam; even though Sam's god damn twin tortured him. On top of all of that, they don't put down roots; it's always been just the two of them, always together. Its normal, totally natural for them to feel things for each other.

"Yeah but, come on, they know incest is bad…"

"Bobby, they are the only people left they have around their age, the only people they know. And they're always together; they were brought up like that. Besides, it's technically not wrong…" the doc said trailing off.

"What do you mean it's not wrong?" Bobby snapped.

"Well, I've obviously done blood work on Dean and he doesn't have any sexually transmitted diseases and I've done blood work on Sam in case I need to give Dean a transfusion, I checked to see if they were the same blood type, and he doesn't either. So, they wouldn't be hurting themselves or anyone else. And they aren't at a risk or reproducing so… there isn't actually any reason why they shouldn't."

Bobby scrubbed his face hard "I wouldn't judge them or hold it against them if they were, and I wouldn't think any less of them, it's just, well… I don't know."

"Booby it's bound to happen, think about their relationship with each other, sure its unhealthy but it's there, and they obviously love each other a lot."

Bobby leaned back slightly shocked, he couldn't believe he hadn't seen it before, were his boys having feelings for each other? No… could they? No...

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Please review! thank you all for reading! REVIEW!

Any suggestions for anything coming up let me know in a review!

I have over twenty reviews! and it only took ten chapters! YAY! but please, keep reviewing, tell me what you want to happen.

Oh and i was thinking the other day how people could be reading my story from all over the place and could be anyone. So, just something i was wondering, in a review post where you're from!

I'm from the united states. But i've always wondered people were reading this from places all around the world. Please REVIEW!


	12. Chapter 12

Warmth in the Winter

Chapter twelve:

I dont own anything

{The Quotes will never have anything to actually do with the story, they are just there}

Quote:

People are like slinkies, not really good for anything, but still bring a smile to your face  
>when you push them down a flight of stairs<p>

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Sam held Dean until he felt his breathing even out and then he was holding Dean up completely.

He slowly lowered him back down onto the bed and laid it almost flat.

He stood up, stretched his arms above his head and winced as the bones cracked before sitting back down into the chair at Dean's bedside.

He had just relaxed when there was a quiet knock and Bobby walked in with the doc.

"He just fell asleep." Sam whispered motioning to Dean.

Bobby nodded slowly, his eyes slightly narrowed as he inspected Sam then Dean, then back to Sam.

"Everything okay Bobby?" Sam asked confused.

Bobby looked up quickly and his face burned red.

"Yeah, everything's fine, just trying to figure something out."

"Oh, what is it? Maybe I can help." Sam offered.

Bobby wished he could have taken that statement back; he sucked at lying at the last second.

"Nothing, never mind, ugh, you hungry? I made some food and I can bring it up while the doc checks over Dean."

Sam was about to remind Bobby that it was one in the morning and Dean's birthday was tomorrow… or today. Which every way you wanted to look at it but held back knowing Bobby would leave before he got his answers.

"Yeah sure, that would be great."

Bobby nodded and left while the doc set to work checking over Dean.

"He seems to be getting better a lot faster than I suspected, has he had any seizures today?" the doc asked looking up at Sam from across Dean's bed.

Sam nodded slowly "Yeah, he was in the bath when he had one, nothing too bad though. They seem to be lessening but he was really confused after it."

"That's good though, it means he probably won't be seizing anymore after a month or two, and as long as he got over the confusion after a little while it's okay. If he was still confused then that would be something to mention."

"No, he was fine after a few minutes, but he was so confused."

The doc nodded and went back to checking each of Dean's limbs.

Sam settled down comfortably in the chair again and held Dean's hand in his like he had so many times before, except now his hand wasn't bandaged and didn't have an IV in it.

He rubbed his thumb over Dean's knuckles and smiled slightly.

"So, I noticed you two hugging, how'd you manage that?" the doc asked casually.

Sam looked up shocked but then laughed "honestly, it was kinda stupid. Out of everything that could bring us together, it was talking about his last seizure."

"So you guys are together now?" the doc asked pretending to be confused.

Sam looked up shocked before laughing awkwardly "no, I meant like, he is actually acknowledging I'm here and is talking to me now…"

"Oh, I thought you meant you two were a couple kind of thing." He said nonchalantly before gathering his things and walking out.

Sam stared at the doc as he left and awkwardly scratched his leg.

What was up with that doc and thinking they were together? Obviously nothing like that was between them.

Couldn't he see Dean was a womanizer and Sam was a book worm? Two totally opposite people!

Besides, Dean wasn't Dean unless he had his head between a woman's legs or his hands on her chest.

Dean would fuck anything with boobs and was easy on the eyes. Even if it was dumber then a stack of bricks.

But Sam actually had standards. They had to be smart, and sure it helped if they were easy on the eyes too, but still, they each had had their fare share but Dean, to even think he was into guys while he so obviously loved woman was almost funny.

Sam looked Dean over and couldn't help but laugh as he thought about all of the times they had been called a couple since they had been hunting together.

He blushed to his roots as he remembered the time Dean had slapped his butt and called him honey in front of the real estate woman.

He smiled down at Dean and glanced back when Bobby came in with a tray of food.

"I didn't know what you guys wanted so I just made a couple of sandwiches." He saw awkwardly before setting the tray down on the nightstand and turning around to leave.

"Hey Bobby! Wait a sec!" Sam called as Bobby left the room.

Bobby slowly walked back in and raised an eyebrow in a silent question.

"What's up with you?" Sam asked after a second.

"What do you mean?" he asked innocently.

"Well, today you've been acting weird. I just thought something had happened."

"Nope, just ugh, see you later…"

"This isn't about what the doc said is it?" he asked after a second.

Bobby's eyes widened and he stared at Sam shocked, his mouth slightly agape.

"What did the doc say?" he asked after he composed himself again.

"He came in around the time you were both acting funny and asked me if Dean and I were… a thing…" he said struggling for words and trailing off at the end waiting for a response.

Bobby's eyes widened and he sputtered a bit.

"No!" he finally choked out, slightly red in the face.

"So it is then." Sam said leaning back and looking at Bobby square in the face.

Bobby looked away, blushing slightly.

"He was just talking and I was only thinking. You don't have to say anything, I was just putting my nose where it don't belong." He said before rushing out.

Sam sighed and turned around to see Dean peeking at him with a slight smirk on his face.

"So the doc and Bobby think we're dating?" he questioned holding down the button on the rail and raising himself.

Sam laughed quietly, forcing himself not to think about it and blush like a girl.

"Yeah, apparently the doc was talking and they both began thinking we were dating or something. Weird I know."

Dean laughed again and settled so he was almost straight up.

"Are you still hurting? I noticed you haven't ever really sat up straight."

Sam regretted saying anything the second it was out of his mouth and Dean was giving Sam such a scathing look that he was sure he was melting.

"I- I mean- you don't have to answer that." He finally managed and slumped in his chair head hung low.

"I'm fine, thanks for asking. I'm only a little sore." Dean answered after a moment of hesitation.

Sam looked up shocked, honestly not having been expecting a reply from Dean and especially not one so soft and kind.

"Oh, well, for what it's worth, I'm glad you're healing fast." Sam said smiling slightly.

"Well, let me tell you, it's not worth much." Dean said smiling at him.

Sam laughed a little and settled back into his chair.

Dean sighed quietly and closed his eyes.

"Happy Birthday Dean" Sam whispered after a moment of silence.

Dean didn't show any sign that he had heard but the slightest of smiles graced his face and he sighed deeply, rolling over so he was on his side facing Sam and Sam realized he must have fallen asleep in about two seconds.

He laughed quietly and lowered Dean's bed down until he was almost flat before debating wther to leave the light on or no, eventually he just left it on.

Sam left the room and walked down the stairs and into the kitchen.

The doc must have been asleep because he was no where around but Bobby was mixing something in a bowl.

"What on earth are you making at one in the morning?" Sam asked settling into a wooden chair and watching Bobby add something to the mix.

"A cake, it's going to be small, and we'll order some pizza and get beer. Nothing big, pizza and beer is usual around here so it's only the cake that's different."

Sam nodded, smiling widely at the bowl.

Dean was getting a cake for his 29th birthday, finally. After twenty five years. He had long ago earned it.

"What are you getting him?" Sam asked after a second.

"I'm getting him an iPod, the doc said he would get Dean some books, movies, and something for his laptop. What are you getting him?" Bobby asked glancing up at him before going back to his baking.

"I'm going to ta-… um, I'm not sure yet. I'm still thinking." He lied last second.

He had almost told Bobby, and Bobby would have told the doc. That would not have been good.

"Well you better think fast, its already his birthday, you don't have much time to think about your gift anymore."

Sam nodded thoughtfully.

"When is the cake and pizza going to be eaten? For dinner?" he asked casually.

"Yeah, we figured we should have the small party around dinner to give Dean some time and to get ready."

Sam smirked but nodded to show he was listening. Perfect!

He walked towards the stairs and turned back to Bobby "Well. I'm going to go get some sleep, if I'm not up by eight wake me up."

Bobby nodded and hummed his agreement before Sam took the stairs two at a time and peeked into Dean's room.

Dean was still sleeping peacefully so Sam ducked into his room and landed hard onto the bed and sighed.

He would need his rest for what he planned on doing tomorrow… or later today… damn he was confusing himself.

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Dean groaned and rolled over, sighed when he was pressed against the bars on the side of his bed and rolled the other way.

"Come on Dean, wakey wakey eggs and bakey" Sam sang from his left.

Dean jerked up and put his hand on his heart as it pounded.

"Sorry…" Sam said smiling sheepishly.

Dean scowled at him before raising the bed and leaning back against the headboard.

"So… it's your birthday, and you are now 29…" Sam said trailing off and looking expectantly at Dean.

Dean sighed and rolled his eyes. "Let me guess, the doc and Bobby are still going to throw a party even though I don't want one."

Sam laughed "I honestly don't know what they have planned. But… it's almost twelve, and I have something planned but, I'm going to need you to do something for me without questioning it at all."

Dean looked at Sam skeptically before saying "You know, that's what got me into this whole mess in the first place. Following you and not questioning you."

Sam showed no sign that he even heard that.

"So, because of my plans, I'm going to need you to put this on; I'll stand guard outside the door."

He dropped a plastic bag on his bed before slipping out of the room and shutting the door behind him.

Dean looked down at the bag and opened it and despite the situation he couldn't help the dopey smile at the leather jacket.

He pulled his coat out and saw a pair of jeans, socks, work boots, a pair of boxers, a black t-shirt and a flannel.

He looked at the door before slowly sliding out of the bed and standing beside it.

He pulled his clothes off and dressed in the new clothes, going slower than he would have liked to admit.

After a second he didn't even care what Sam had planned as he slipped the familiar coat on and sighed at the feeling.

He knocked on his door and it opened.

Sam looked at Dean and a huge grin spread onto his face. Though it had taken him a little over half an hour to dress, he was happy

"Okay, we're going out the window, I'm leaving a note on your bed to tell Bobby and the doc not to worry and that you're with me." He said, placing a slip of paper onto his pillow and sticking a tack into it in case wind from the open window knocked it off.

Dean watched shocked as Sam looked out the window then climbed up onto the sill and let his legs dangle out. Dean heaved a sigh when he realized there was a ladder and they weren't just planning on jumping down the two story's.

Sam climbed down the ladder until just his head was the only thing he could see in the window.

"Come on! We don't have long! As soon as they hear the car or come to check on us they'll try to find us!" and then his head was gone and he was climbing further down.

Dean bit his lip and looked down and was shocked to see the impala, front doors open and waiting for them.

He quickly climbed out the window and down the ladder before stepping down completely and smiled.

He breathed deeply and nearly cried tears of joy at the fresh air.

"Come on!" Sam hissed from the impala.

He frowned when he saw Sam quietly shut the front door but he kept his tongue in check and slipped into the passenger side.

Sam threw him a duffel bag and Dean thought for a second they were going on a hunt.

"It's for you in case things get messy." Sam said seeing his expression.

Dean's frown deepened at that but he unzipped the bag and looked in. Inside the bag was his bottle of pills, and bottles of hot milk.

He smiled appreciatively at Sam and held his breath as he slid the key in and started the car up. For once, he was not happy to hear the loud growl of the engine, though it did comfort him.

"Duck!" Sam hissed as Bobby looked out the window.

Dean ducked down and held his breath, praying Bobby didn't see him even though he wasn't sure he even wanted to go to some unknown place with Sam.

"I'm going to town to pick up a few things!" he yelled out the window before pulling out quickly and speeding away.

Sam drove quickly, and wildly. Taking sharp turns and changing directions at the last minute and before Dean knew it he had no idea where they were but Sam seemed happy and looked like he knew what he was doing.

"Um, Sam, not that I'm complaining but, where are we going?" he asked after about an hour.

"You'll see in another half hour or so." And with that he actually turned on one of Dean's tapes, it was AC/DC.

Dean couldn't help it, he sang along with the songs. It was like being in the car, driving fast, with ACDC blasting made something happen to him. He wasn't that helpless guy being held down on the white bed because he was crying and having a seizure. He was a man, a healed man, and a hunter.

Sam sang along, Dean's good mood being contagious and he was already in high spirits to begin with.

Not only had Dean trusted him enough to go out with him when this was what had gotten him into trouble the first time, but he was smiling and singing.

They rode singing along, Sam hated to admit it but he knew every word of every song just as well as Dean.

Dear god he had been converted!

He laughed at his own joke and Dean just rolled his eyes, seeming to know what he was thinking and chuckled along with him.

"I used to hate the fact you didn't like my music. I used to play it hoping you would pick up the lyrics, sing along, start liking it too, and I guess you finally have turned to the dark side with me!" when he said the dark side he rubbed his hands in front of him and gave Sam a creepy crazed look.

Sam laughed hard, trying to control himself so he could drive but it came out anyway.

"Come to the dark side, we have cookies" Sam finished for him.

Dean laughed and stuck his head out the window and stuck his tongue out.

"Now I know why dogs like this so much!" he yelled over the wind rushing in his face

Sam laughed and drove a bit faster, wanting to get to their destination sooner.

The car ride was loud and funny, Dean telling jokes the second Sam stopped laughing at the last one and kept it up until Sam was begging for him to stop and had tears in his eyes.

Dean relented his verbal attack and leaned back looking a bit smug "and you always say I'm not funny"

"You aren't funny" Sam defended weakly, though smiling.

Dean smiled lazily and leaned back.

He had just closed his eyes for a second when Sam was shaking him awake.

"Dude, how you manage to sleep through blasting Metallica I will never know." Sam said laughing and grabbing something from the back seat and getting out of the car.

Dean looked around shocked. They were parked in what looked like a forest…

Sam was holding a duffel bag and was walking through the woods to what looked like a clearing.

Dean took a deep breath before getting out and following Sam. He needed to show Sam he was in control and was okay with this.

_Do not show fear _he reminded himself quickly.

He was shocked when they got to the clearing and there was a lake and grassy clearing.

"Dude, how did you find this place?" he asked looking around in amazement

Sam smiled in pride "I've actually known about it for years. But we only started working with Bobby a year ago and I forgot about it until a few days ago; I thought somewhere private and quiet would be good."

"Man, when I said you would need to take me on at least one date before you got me to take off my shirt you took it seriously. I see what you did there, the pond, swimming, taking clothes off. Very sly." He commented, trying to hide his smirk.

Sam blushed so red he thought he might actually die from all of the blood rushing to his face.

"I didn't even think of that! That's not what I meant! We can go-"

"Relax, I was kidding, this is great, thanks." Dean said before sitting down in the middle of the clearing and looking up at the sky.

"That cloud actually kinda looks like a fish" he commented raising a hand and pointing.

Sam laughed and looked up and was surprised to see it did "wow, it actually kinda does"

"It must be the angels giving us a sign to go swimming, they're in on the shirt ploy!" he said laughing.

Sam laughed and laid down next to him.

"While you were asleep I stopped and got some food, if you're hungry."

"You're supposed to wait like, an hour before swimming right?" Dean asked after a moment.

"Yeah, why?" he asked confused.

Before Sam could think Dean's shirt was on his face and he felt pants land on him before there was the loud sound of a splash.

Sam jerked up, socks, boots, jackets, shirt, pants, all on the ground in different places, all in a trail to the water.

Sam laughed so hard when Dean came up for air that he actually had to clutch his sides.

Dean smiled a cheeky smile before groaning and holding his head in his hands.

"Dean? Are you okay?" Sam asked worried, rushing over to the water edge.

Dean was about to talk when he reached out and grabbed Sam's shirt, pulling him in.

Sam spluttered and splashed until he was standing. It was up to his chest, almost his neck.

He looked at Dean shocked but was met by a wall of water as he was splashed.

"Ya snooze ya lose!" Dean sang before quickly swimming away from Sam.

"Oh now it's on! You got my clothes wet!" he yelled before letting out a war cry and chasing Dean.

They spent two hours in the water. Chasing each other, splashing each other, having races over who could swim faster, and when either one of them won the other would want a rematch. And wrestling.

Dean grabbed Sam's arm and tackled him from behind, causing Sam to fall forward into the water and Dean sat on his back before getting up and laughing as Sam broke the surface with a gasp and tackled him down.

It wasn't for another hour until they climbed out.

Sam wiped his hands on the grass trying to dry them before checking his phone. Twenty missed calls.

He smiled widely down and checked the time.

"It's about four, I have something planned for around six so we should dry up and head out again." Sam said setting the phone back down and shaking his hair as soon as Dean was in reach.

Dean laughed and backed away as he was sprayed with water.

"Dude, you are not going into my car soaked, you're lucky I keep a spare for both of us in there at all times." He said smiling before jogging the short distance to the car and grabbing a bag from the trunk.

He dropped it onto the ground in front of Sam and pulled out a garbage bag "for the wet clothes; or a body" he supplied before shaking off and squeezing water out of his boxers that were still on him.

Sam couldn't help but watch as Dean bent over to retrieve his clothes from the ground.

He had a nice- SHARK ZONE! DANGER! RED ZONE!

He quickly turned around and grabbed the clothes from the bag and began stripping himself of his own clothes.

By the time they were both dressed and going into the car Dean was hungry.

"Damn, can I take that food you were talking about now?" he asked looking at Sam as he started driving out of the woods and onto a dirt road.

"Actually, you should wait like, half an hour to eat it. When we get to our next destination."

Dean nodded, trusting Sam and making himself relax. Sam was not going to bust his face up in his car and tie him up before dragging him to some place. This was Sammy, not Sam. This was his Sammy.

He would be okay as long as his Sammy was here and no one else.

Well, Bobby and the doc to.

Sam drove for five minutes in a comfortable silence before Dean turned to him and studied him intensely.

Sam felt like he was going to fry under the heavy eyes of his brother.

They seemed to see right through him and into his soul; as clichéd as that sounded.

He began blushing when Dean didn't look away and Dean laughed lightly at it.

"Relax, I'm just… well there isn't any actual way to explain it." He said after a second before laughing again.

He was what? Looking him over, looking at him, checking him out. He didn't even know what he would have said to Sam if he had finished that sentenced. Because he didn't know what he was doing.

It was a combination of looking at him, and looking him over, and checking him out he supposed. But it wasn't like, oh my god he has a nice ass checking out, but he supposed he d- DANGER ZONE!

His gaze snapped back to the window and he held his breath. For a split second he would have sworn Sam had heard his thoughts because he seemed to be holding his breath as well.

But then he exhaled and Dean exhaled and everything was good again.

He couldn't believe he had just thought that! He needed to get laid, and soon.

That's all this was. This strange lingering lustful look at Sammy. That's all it was.

For heaven's sake he hadn't been laid in almost a year! Of course he was having urges for the nearest thing with two legs and wasn't bad looking.

Of course Sammy wasn't bad looking, Sam was… he was… he was hot; there was no other way to say it.

He was tall, had a nice ass, was strong, had muscles, was in perfect shape, had full lips and Dean would bet money that when he was having sex his eyes would be sexy as hell.

All lust blown and more black with a deep dark brown ring just outside the black.

Dean's eyes widened in absolute horror when he felt his jeans tightening a bit.

My god, he was thinking about his brother and getting hard!

He quickly turned on his music and blasted it, readjusting his position subtly so Sam couldn't tell.

As soon as he was on the road and hunting again, he was getting laid.

Sam peeked over at Dean. Right before he turned the radio on Dean's expression had been one of almost hunger. But it was so raw and a hunger for something that was obviously not food that it made Sam's heart stutter.

He had watched as Dean licked his lips as he stared off and then his eyes had widened and Sam knew for a fact he was getting hard by the way he shifter position and blasted the music.

And damn it if Sam didn't want to know exactly what he was thinking about to make him react so hungrily. To make him lick his lips and look longingly at something he could only see.

He was also terribly jealous and he didn't know why.

Dean had slept with tons of girls; he was allowed to think about them. Sure he probably didn't want to get caught with a boner by Sam, but still, it had to have been some vision for him to hide it so fast and snap back to reality in a second.

Sam glanced over at Dean's crotch at that thought before gluing his eyes one the road.

My god what was wrong with him! Looking at his brother like that?

It was going to be a long night if things kept up this way.

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Okay! There goes half of the birthday chapter, the other half is coming up! i already have most of it written so it shouldnt be long! sorry for taking so long with this one, i got really sick! SORRY!

Anyway, please REVIEW! my goal is to get at least fifty before this story ends and ive basically got thirty! THANK YOU ALL!

PLEASE KEEP REVIEWING!

I hope you all liked it so far! And thank you everyone who is reading and a huge thanks to everyone reviewing!


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